The Big Masturbation Conspiracy: Preliminary Findings
In keeping with the Mission of the Patriot Act, the Department of Homeland Security has organized a joint study and collaborative relationship among elements of the FBI, CIA, and the Stop Masturbation Now Ministry. The purpose of the study is to determine the extent of Big Masturbation’s influence in the lives of Americans through the media, government, which includes law enforcement and the judicial process, the advertising community, and education.
This study is ongoing, but certain findings have been de-classified for release to the public in keeping with the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA.Stat 80.250, eff 1967-07-05.)
Big Masturbation is defined as the elements of society which include, but is not restricted to, those enterprises, groups, and cults, promoting the dangerous practice of self rape of one’s own genitalia for the purpose of seminal or vaginal expulsions of bodily fluid, or in short, release.
The assessment of threat has concluded that Big Masturbation has adverse effects on the moral, physical, and emotional well being of individuals and in turn, society as a whole. Self rapists spread disease from the before mentioned ejaculate dissemination, human contact with others and masturbation apparatus which affect the level of mind alteration during the specific act which increases the girth and propulsion of said ejaculates.
Also, the psychological impulses of the self rapist mind are to spread and condone the act of masturbation with children, the poor, and weak-minded individuals whose emotional state leaves them susceptible to self rape.
In conclusion, the study is ongoing and encompassing, having identified the said elements of Big Masturbation and its attempts to ruin the lives and psyche of American citizens. The reach of Big Masturbation can only be describes as tentacled, crab-like, not all that dissimilar from the growth of cancer.
Are the articles at this website satire? I hope so!
Is this real? Why is masturbation so wrong?
I would like to stop raping myself, but I don’t know how to stop! How would you recommend stopping myself, even if I don’t masturbate I experience nightly emissions! Should I get a chastity cage?
This is very simple， Don’t look at yellow， Don’t stimulate your sexual organs， Enrich your life， Masturbation has many dangers. Don’t do it once， You can pay more attention to your life， The key is to learn to rest， That’s it. I can only help you here， come on.
I MASTURBATE AND I AM ONLY 10 HAHA FUCK YOU CUCK, UR WIFE IS A SLUT
You’re a wise man.
epic gamer moment lmao
Lol fag
hello my name is Gopnik Blinski and i come from Russia, let me tell you about the dangers of masturbation. so one time i got really hot at the concept of motherland like some sort of national incest fantasy so i gulped up a whole bottle of Stolychnaya and as a true patriot and put my thinggy in the bottle and messed with it to the sound of the USSR national anthem. My willie got stuck in the bottle so i had to go to the emergency room and get operated on.i taught the hospital staff would laugh at me… Read more »
I can feel the devil in my testicles as I jack off to this article
wow thats insane
In the small, peaceful town of Serenity Valley, a resistance group had formed. This group, called the Virtuous Defenders, was led by a man named Elias Huxley. Elias, a middle-aged former history teacher, had lost his brother to the alleged dangers of Big Masturbation. The death of his brother sparked a fire within him to fight the dark forces that the Big Masturbation Conspiracy threatened to engulf society. The Virtuous Defenders were an eclectic mix of locals, ranging from housewives to shopkeepers, all bonded by their belief that they must protect the innocence and morality of their community. They remained… Read more »