Member of SMN Comes Out As a Gay

Earlier this week, the unthinkable happened.  James Wright, a member of SMN Ministries for two months, came out as a gay man.  Unlike most gay people who flamboyantly sing about being gay, Mr. Wright did not admit that he was gay.  SMN Deacon Jacob Franklin, and his keen eye for homogays, outed Mr. Wright himself.

Jacob Franklin described in a statement to church officials the moment when he outed Mr. Wright.  So, I walked by this person and in-passing, I said “beautiful day today.”  He responded by saying “Yes, it is a beautiful day, and you look well, sir.” Without thinking, I pointed my finger at him and yelled “GAY!”, security then descended upon Mr. Write where he was violently expelled from the compound.

I was able to reach James Wright through his SMN appointed legal counsel.  According to Mr. Wright: I am not gay! I have never done anything gay. I simply complimented, who I thought was a fellow Christian, on his health. Next thing I know, four very strong men who appeared to have Downs Syndrome literally picked me up, walked to the main gate of the compound, and physically threw me past the gate and onto the ground.

Mr. Wright went on to say: I really do not deserve this. I follow the rules, I don’t masturbate and just because I tried to be nice, I’m now homeless and my same-race wife is being reassigned to another member of the ministry. I had to sign-over all of my wealth and possessions to SMN Ministries and my appointed legal counsel says I cannot have any of my property back. I don’t even think he has my best interests at heart. Every time I ask him a legal question, his response is always “You can’t do that” or “That won’t stand up in court.” It’s like he is not representing me at all.

An official for SMN Ministries issued the following public service announcement for the compound in order to alleviate any fears that may be growing among the congregation. We do not know where these threats will come from, but we are prepared for them. As many of you know, we had a Gay among us. Not to panic though. We have an action-plan in place and our staff followed it to the letter. Once we learned about the individual in question, the retard brigade removed him from the grounds immediately. Since then, his living quarters have been undergoing a decontamination process and his same-race assigned spouse will soon be reassigned. We are also interviewing everyone that has been in contact with this individual in order to make sure he hasn’t passed The Gay onto any other members. We also recommend that all parents who have children spank the gay out of them tonight before bed, as a precautionary measure.

It is unfortunate that in today’s age of reason and understanding, there are still deceitful people in this world that will try and pass themselves off as a normal person without regard for the security of others.