Foreigners / Politics

5 Surprising Things that will happen After Scotland Votes for Independence

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Our Leader Lonne Childs, through the act of fapstinence, has the ability to see into future events. One of the largest events of this decade is the Scottish vote for independence. The United Kingdom is looked up to by most countries as the Worlds grandparent. Because of this UK news is the worlds news. Unfortunately if Scotland leaves things will not go as planned and could have dire consequences for the international community.

1. Scotland will be denied entrance into the EU after other member nations don’t want to appear to reward Scotland and thereby encourage separatists inside their own country.

2. The only successful legal challenges to independence come via the Shetland and Orkney Islands. Instead they and their oil maintain as part of the union. Polls show over 40 percent of people that voted for independence now regret their vote due to financial concerns over missing oil.

3. The UK does not allow Scotland to share the Sterling Pound. Scottish internet trolls lead by Hayles Kittler conspire to successfully adopt the Peso in a national referendum on currency. Susan Boyle is put on the 5000peso coin.

4. A poor economy causes Scotland to loosen moral laws in order to create new streams of revenue. Scotland becomes the world’s largest masturbation tourist destination.

The New Great Wall

The New Great Wall

5. Scotland overflows with semen and has to be quarantined by the international community. Over 30,000 chinamen are killed during the construction of the new great wall.

Scotland International Quarantine Zone

Scotland International Quarantine Zone

 

For a more detailed look into Scottish independence please see If Scotland Were Independent: A Timeline of Tragedy.

 

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Nikita Shalavin
7 years ago

Number 5 brought tears to my eyes. Tears of joy. Down with Ornamentals in general, and Korean Jesus in particular.

Howard Demarco
Howard Demarco
7 years ago

Blame Sean Connery. He probably encouraged global masturbation through his behavior in the James Bond movies and by wearing an orange bikini in Zardoz.

Nikita Shalavin
7 years ago
Reply to  Howard Demarco

Zardoz is the greatest Sean Connery movie. Possibly the greatest movie, period.

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

Shut up yanni!

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
7 years ago

Agreed.

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

Shut up yanni

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

Are you Fabio’s bitch?

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
7 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy

I met Fabio’s bitch in Dubai. It was not Brother Lonnie.

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

I was talking about nikita shalavin. You’re a moron bonehead reznor!

Liam McKey
7 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy

Nikita does not own a Fabio. He drives a BMW.

Marjan Vrielink
7 years ago

I pray England will invade Scotland when the Scots become independent. A grown man can wear a skirt in public? That shows the low moral standards of the Scots! The world has to be protected against any moral decay!

Truffle
7 years ago

Susan Boyle, makes me sick! She self-rapes so much, she has grown a beard. Discustarding!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Show us your tits Fluffle!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

But you grew fur Fluffle and a tail? I’m not sure how you can judge her…

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

And when are you going to show us your tits Fluffle?