New “Eyeball Ebola” Found Caused By Masturbation

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Many old wives tales are not correct. But did you know many of these tales have some fundamental basis that has lost its true meaning over the years? One of these is masturbation causes blindness. Many people laugh off this tale as a unsubstantiated claim made by schoolchildren. However it is 100 percent accurate. The truth is masturbation causes lots of things, from cancer to chafing to blindness and eventually death.


Just this week it was announced that scientists have found  Ebola in the eye of an American Physician. American doctor Ian Crozier was treated for Ebola in Atlanta last year and declared free of the virus in his blood. About two months after being released from the hospital, he experienced a piercing pain in his left eye, he told The New York Times. The pressure in his eye elevated while his vision decreased.

His case has left doctors stunned and highlighted the need for quarantining masturbators.

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5 years ago

not lulzy enough.

Your third grade teacher
Your third grade teacher
5 years ago

There is no “eye” in masturbate.

5 years ago

This has got to be a joke.

Austin Thompson
Austin Thompson
5 years ago

I beat me meat on the daily and I have 20:5 vision in both eyes.