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A Normals Handy Guide to Tipping

By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins

HOMERVILLE, OH – (BLUFF Press, LLC.) Thanks to  liberal media funded by Big Masturbation and funded by The DHS us Normals have had the HomoGay™ Pro-Masturbation Agenda shoved down our throats harder than a Good Buddy working the Happy Hole at the Flying J truck stop and I for one am sick and tired of it. So I have come up with this handy Guide for Tipping while not offending Jesus. 

Stiifed Homogay

 

There is nothing more personally offensive when I take one of my 5 Same Race Assigned Sister-Wives out for a nice steak dinner at The Waffler House over in Blumpkin, Ohio and we have a HomoGay™ waiter wiggling his nice young firm round Zoomba’d backside wantonly swaying back and forth as he sashays away to place our order.  It ruins the mood of our date and all night I lay awake in bed thinking about his nice warm tight sinful buns, it is all I can think about, even when I am have Same Race Normal Marital Relations with my 16 year old Sister-wife Suzanne Erickson-Jenkins and the image of Rico’s firm taught cut nude body writhing lustfully and sinfully beneath me in the holy missionary position while I thrust………lest I digress.

My point is that us Normals have a moral God given duty to Tip based upon the lifestyle of the server and NOT based upon the service that was given.  Good service is expected and demanded, thus anything less is unacceptable. Therefore I have put together this handy tipping guide to tip servers and not offend Jesus. 

Lonnie Childs Approved tipping guide for Normals

Straight Normal Race Virgin Lesser Sex Waitress: 2% or $2.oo whichever is less.

Straight Non-Normal Race Lesser Sex Waitress: 1.75% or $1.75 whichever is less.

Straight Single Unwed Mother (Normal or Non-Normal): 1.5% or $1.50 whichever is less.

Married Straight Mother: None, she should be home taking care of the home, children, and serving her husband dinner, not strangers.

HomoGays: Leave it one of these BLUFF Approved Chick Tracks

Homogay Chick Tract

Non-Normal Race Married Christian Father Waiter: Unknown, no one has ever witnessed one of these waiting tables.

Normal Race Straight Married Christian Father Waiter: 28% or more, he is the Holy head of his household and we as Christian Normals have a moral duty to make sure his healthy way of life is supported.

God Bless,

TheRev Leroy Jenkins

TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr, Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC.

785-274-0325 or TheRev@bluff.us.edu

 

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Liam McKey
6 years ago

If I suspect that my waiter is a Masturbator, I deduct 20% from the total and only pay the difference.

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

When i suspect my customer is Liam McKey, i increase the total bill by 40% before he pays it.

Liam McKey
6 years ago

30% if the service was exceptional.

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

I often ask to smell the waitresses fingers. If they smell like fish.. no tip.

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
6 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

Even if you’re eating at a sea-food restaurant?

Go2HellRacistsFuckups
Go2HellRacistsFuckups
6 years ago

Hahaa your gay as fuck

PleaseUseLogic
PleaseUseLogic
6 years ago

This is literally the worst thing I have ever seen. You all are complete fucks and have a totally warped perception of the world. Believe whatever you want, but please, do not pay someone LESS simply because they do not believe what you do. I am honestly astonished by this. Let people live peacefully with their beliefs and lifestyles, and we will return the favor. We can live kindly amongst each other, but not if you continue your hate of all groups not associated with you. You completely ignore medical science, and try to preach lies about disease and masturbation.… Read more »

Anominous
Anominous
3 years ago

I think Jews actually tip more then you guys