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MADD-New deadly strain of Masturbation

By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins

El Cajon, CA — DHS Press Release: A deadly new strain of masturbation is killing pot-weed injection addicts across the nation, they are calling it Masturbation Addiction Dementia Death, MADD,  and has issued a Threat Level Red warning to parents everywhere to be alert to the symptoms of MADD,  The Department of Homeland Security stated in a press release today.

DHS Special Agent Oman “Howie”  Lixer has been tracking the deaths related to to a deadly new strain of pot-weed that causes extreme paranoia, excessive incoherent rapping, spastic body gyrations, and finally death by excessive masturbation.  Agent Lixer states; “This is the most sever strain of masturbation addiction dementia death outbreak we’ve ever witnessed since the YOLO craze of 2012.”

The DHS released this video showing the extent to which  MADD affects the victims.  In this video the young lady shows the telltale signs of MADD, sadly this video was filmed shortly before she “tripped” on her last pot-weed injection and masturbated herself to death with her pet rabbit.

MADD Girl
– Watch More DHS PSA Videos Ms. Ketchup Mustard death by MADD

The DHS is asking anyone with tips about MADD to contact them at 1-888-276-6760.

God Bless,

TheRev Leroy Jenkins

TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC.

785-274-0325 or TheRev@bluff.us.edu

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Nancy Bootz
6 years ago

That is awful news. I might have to hang my children and husband to the cross
until this epidemic has passed!

Truffle
6 years ago

That poor rabbit! I hope PETA take action against her posthumously. Disgusting!

bruno kuehne
6 years ago

OMG christian people are so fucking stupid! hahahahaha

Mary Jane
Mary Jane
6 years ago

This website has GOT TO BE a really hilarious joke… Or just really sad. I can’t believe there are people this ignorant and so blinded by some kind of god they think it’s a sin to do everything. But having like 20 wives in Utah is not a sin? Like get the fuck out of here get a real eduction escape from your Mormon shit lives and come live in the real world. You might actually learn some REAL things about life. Life isn’t about serving god and doing whatever you guys think is wrong or right in “his eyes”.… Read more »

Marijuana lover (sinner)
Marijuana lover (sinner)
6 years ago

Pray against me you idiots. What you believe in is fake. Pray all you want.

Truffle
6 years ago

I will pray AT you!

Leonard Chimball, Jr.
6 years ago

I pray at you with sister Kate. We hold the truth the universe. The truth that masturbation kills and makes you a homogay.

Truffle
6 years ago

Bless you, Brother Leonard. Two flock members praying AT a sinner is more useful than feeding an entire continent. Praise!

Jo
Jo
6 years ago

@Leonard Chimball Jr. A homogay. Lol it’s homosexual or gay, don’t combine them, it makes u look like a moron, oh wait you are one…

Dexter Battygarten iii
Dexter Battygarten iii
6 years ago
Reply to  Jo

homogay is a completely legitimate form of terminology. I see nothing at all sexual about homogayness. quite the opposite. homo-violent and gay perhaps. I mean, call me crazy all you want but I find nothing at all sexual about child rape. there is no procreation in that at all. praying at you now!

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

Parents need to be aware of this so they can monitor their teens closer.

SANE Christian
SANE Christian
6 years ago

At first I thought that this was really funny hoax/joke. I’m not laughing now! This is one of the sickest and most twisted things I’ve come across! Ruining young peoples lives by telling them that masterbation is a sin and can kill them. It is well known that masterbation is normal, healthy, and can help reduce thing like teen pregnancy, STD’s, and even rape. You must be a bunch of very sexually frustrated @ssholes. Why not help out with some of the world’s actual problems, there are plenty to go around! I know Jesus would want me to forgive you,… Read more »

Tom Downey
6 years ago
Reply to  SANE Christian

Dear inSANE Christian, I don’t know what Jesus saved you, Fake Christsham. But I do know one thing, my real Blond Hair Blue Eye Normal Jesus would never put up with your potty mouth. God Bless, Brother Tom, SMN Deacon & Superior Sex Normal.

John S.
John S.
6 years ago
Reply to  Tom Downey

Jesus looked more like Osama Bin Laden than he did to your description. He was born in the Middle East I highly doubt he would be blond and bile eyed. Reread the bible if you are unsure. Also try going to a real college or university of your choice it may help clarify many misconceptions you have.

shellyrichey
6 years ago
Reply to  SANE Christian

Help reduce teen pregnancy, STD’s and even rape???? Are you injecting the weed right now? MASTURBATION IS THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF ALL THREE OF THOSE THINGS.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  shellyrichey

Do you have a source for those statistics Shellytichy you dumb bimbo bitch?

TePiacAPugnettEh?
TePiacAPugnettEh?
6 years ago

AHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHGAHAGAHHA AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA I NEED SOME POP CORNS AHAHHAHAHA

vanitywasted
6 years ago

INJECTING POT-WEED I AM GONE HAHAHAHAHAAA

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

When I was held in the facility in the outskirts of North Las Vegas and robbed of all of my PayPal money by the methmen, there were several women like this that came in from time to time. They were all horrible people and I judged them just like I judged the methmen who held me against my will. I now know that most of these people probably suffered from this MADD and I thank Lonnie that none of their infectious fluids splashed on to me and I remained pure.

David cx
David cx
6 years ago

Omfg XD you guys are seriously dumb fucks I’m bisexual and like boys and fully support gay rights what’s not right is you guys telling young people not to masturbates THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ARE SCARED FROM CHURCHES CAUSE OF STUPID PIECES OF SHIT LIKE YOU, jesus doesn’t like this nor does God and whatever you say don’t pray for me, I am not looking for a savior I believe I’m all that I need and I really don’t give a single fuck if you or anyone else doesn’t agree cause who the fuck are you, a stupid ‘Christian’ Tat… Read more »

Leonard Chimball, Jr.
6 years ago

David I am a psychologist and I can tell you the Gay is an affliction that can be cured with counseling and reprogramming. Many have fallen into lifestyles of disease and crime from masturbation.