Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin lawsuit
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and their parent organization Stop Masturbation Now have accused Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark of using the same name of their famous dolphin mascot, ‘Fappy’. According to the suit, they believe that using the name “causes a likelihood of confusion”.

The group recently made headlines for ironic reasons. In June the dolphin’s mascot, 35-year-old Paul Horner, made national news after his arrest for public masturbation. Weeks later Horner was pardoned by Arizona Governor Jan Brewer of all charges.

Lonnie Childs, president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke to CNN about the ‘Fappy’ lawsuit. “It’s a shame it has to come to this. Litigation is almost as ugly as masturbation itself! The Fappy method of masturbation prevention is the only one that the STOP Masturbation NOW ministries endorses. Just as we protect souls from masturbation, we must also protect our intellectual property! Thanks to your tax dollars, God willing, our federally funded organization will be able to win in court. Though, we will both be praying to the same God on this one, and we’re both federally funded with your tax dollars, so it’s gonna be close. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise!”

Details of the $350 million lawsuit are not entirely clear yet. On the group’s Facebook page this afternoon, news was posted of the suit.

Faithful Fappy followers! I would like to inform you of some important news before the lamestream media and Big Masturbation get a chance to spread their lies about what is really going on. As you may or may not know there is currently another Christian anti-masturbation organization who goes around the country educating children about the dangers of masturbation. This would be a good thing, except they are using our trademarked name “Fappy” in everything they do. They steal our content and Facebook postings. This is unacceptable.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW will be suing Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark for $350 million because they violated trademark laws. It will be a tough battle, but a battle we are sure to win. Please keep Fappy in your prayers. Praise Fappy!

Aaron Hopkins-Johnson, a spokesman for Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark, said the lawsuit is ridiculous. “We have 10,000 followers on Facebook for a reason. It’s because we’re the best, anti-masturbation group. That dolphin will soon learn what happens when they battle a shark in open water, it’s gonna get ugly. I pray to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to pick the better anti-masturbation mascot.”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.


About Paul Boner 7 Articles
Your man on the anti-masturbation streets since day one!

13 Comments on Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

  1. “Fappy” the dolphin??? Hahahahaha you fucking people are too much. This shit had me cracking up hard. Also, it is a pure lie that any of this made any kind of national news, I watch the news every day and trust me, you crazies have never made the news for this case. I can’t stop laughing though…

    • I will pray for you, Brother, that Jesus will save you from the way of the sissyhomo. When the Risen Lord said “take up snakes,” that’s NOT what He was talking about!

    • Yes, masturbators are f****d morons. Thank you for agreeing with us but please watch your language

    • That’s how my earthly father (known to me as “Sir”) kept my hands holy until a suitable Proverbs 31 girl could be found for me.

      I’m still there. It’s hard to type while I’m strapped down, just like my Lord!!

  2. Seriously? Everyone I know masturbates….it is a normal part of life. You seem to be rather ridiculous to think that it’s a bad thing. It seems to me that all you’re doing is just stupid, No one who is not in your cult, will do nothing but laugh. I ended up on this site, because I couldn’t believe it was real……I thought it was a parody!!

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