Celebrity

Edward Scissorhands: The Best Anti-Masturbation Documentary Ever Filmed

I recently had the pleasure of watching the anti-masturbation documentary film Edward Scissorhands  on the HBO.  It must drive liberal Hollywood crazy that a moral film such as this has become such a massive hit!  The creators of this uplifting, moral movie deserve to be recognized.  Sleazy Hollywood would never bestow any kind of award or additional attention on a film such as this on their own, so we must take to the streets!  Please contact the Academy of Motion Movies and implore them to nominate Jonathan Depp for the Oscar!

 

Academy of Motion Movies

8949 Wilshire Boulevard

Beverly Hills, California 90211

(310) 247-3000

 

God bless some of you!

-Lonnie

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ThisIsStupidYouGuys
ThisIsStupidYouGuys
4 years ago

Edward Scissorhands is NOT about anti-masturbation, dumbass. Hell, if I wanted to I could make it about anything. It’s just a fun story, about being yourself.

PearlB
PearlB
4 years ago

I enjoy when people who don’t get satire call the people who use it “dumbasses.”

Windows Phone 8S by HTC
Windows Phone 8S by HTC
4 years ago

PearlB – I’m afraid that I have to disagree with you. This is not satire, those are FaithFactsTM. I believe in every single word of wisdom that comes from Loonie’s mouth and is revealed on this sacred webpage. Praise.

Ur mum
Ur mum
4 years ago

Im sorry about the lack if chromosomes this guy has.

14 yrs old girl
14 yrs old girl
4 years ago

It really is sad that Edward cannot masturbate… Because it’s part of normal growing up thing called the puberty, allthough he’s passed that part of his life already what makes that even more sad. By the way this whole website does not give young people a good way to look them selves as a sexual persons. Ps. Sorry about my texting, english is not my mother language.
Pps. Take this as a provocation, i do not mind, because that’s what I want. People to overreact because of my good point.

Alexander Winchester
Alexander Winchester
4 years ago

You guys are fucking nuts. On the Internet nothing is sacred.⛧

Asset
Asset
4 years ago

Praise be to Allah!

Dianne S.
Dianne S.
4 years ago

Actually, Edward Scissorhands had a dick made out of tungsten. So even he was OK with the occasional wank, though he had to be careful that the sparks didn’t ignite any flammable material nearby.

Julia
Julia
4 years ago

You know, I think anyone would rather masturbate than have to live with hands made out of scissors and not be able to do ANYTHING ..maybe that’s just me.Also, he’s really sad for the entire time, I think at least one human hand would’ve drastically improved his life, especially you know, living alone in that abandoned house for so long..

Martha Weggenmacher
Martha Weggenmacher
4 years ago

I found the movie very troubling. The women almost seem orgasmic when Edward cuts their hair. I fear their may be a subliminal sex message in this movie we’re all missing.

It really should be banned worldwide.