Jonah Hill issues apology to Lonnie Childs

Jonah Hill

Jonah Hill

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CA (SMNNN) Professional weight loss advocate and part time actor, Jonah Hill told the media that he lost his cool with a masturbator and is completely devastated that he did not work harder to convert them.

Liberal Media stronghold, TMZ, released video footage of Hill telling a half naked man “It’s okay, I slip up sometimes and bat around the sin sword also.”

Hill, who was nominated for Academy Awards for his roles in the 2011 film “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dark of the Moon” and last year’s erotic thriller “Thor: The Man of Steel,” told the media he would work harder in the future to not allow his past as an unrepentant masturbator get the best of him.

“I played into exactly what he wanted and lost my cool and in that moment I said some disgusting things that does not at all reflect how I feel about masturbation. I feel as though I’ve let my fans down and most importantly, I feel like I’ve let my savior down. I’m sorry, Lonnie Childs,” he told reporters.

Hill said the masturbator had been following him all day and saying “hurtful things about my savior.”

“It would break my heart to think that anyone would think, especially with all the work that I have done and all the masturbators in Hollywood I’ve helped, that I would commiserate with one in such a way,” Hill said.

Hill added that he has long been an anti-masturbation advocate. Before the Winter Olympics in Russia, Hill admitted that he had met with Stop Masturbation Now’s Lonnie Childs and had received the Golden Shower of Love and Forgiveness. He even once tweeted: “Help us show Big Masturbation we’re not scared of them #StopMasturbationNow” while wearing a Stop Masturbation Now sanctioned t-shirt.

His new film with Channing Tatum, “22 Jump Street,” is scheduled to open on June 13, so this is clearly in no way a publicity stunt to draw more attention to an unnecessary sequel.

SMNNN sent a request for a guest editorial to Hill’s publicist but has not heard back yet. He’s probably just really busy.

Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.

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7 years ago

If even a deviant homosexual marijuanas-injector can do, so can we all!

Praise you Jonah Goodman!!!

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
7 years ago

At least he apologized.

7 years ago

That is not Jonah Hill that is Seth Rogan. At least get your pictures with your fake stories right.