“that if you profess with your mouth the Lonaldian creed of Thy Lord Jesus and believe in thou shalt remain placidly until Almighty God has raised It upon His command, you will be saved. For with those that cease their self-raping ways in the glory that one believes unto thy righteousness of thyself and thy same race appointed spouse, with whose mouth, the testimony bursts in echos throughout the valleys and plains spilling forth like sprinkling rain, thy moist and fertile damplands glistening with thy grace…salvation…For whoever calls on the name of Lonnie when temptation nears shall be saved.”
King Lonald Holy Bible-A Reading From the Book of Bromans
Author: Cassidy Pen
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Praise Lonnie! Hallelujah!
This isn’t even near christianity, this is a fucking cult.
Side note: fuck your god… Yes god with a lower case “g” because he does not exist.
The offensive and misleading word “cult” is not welcome here. If you must use it, censor it with an asterisk. Cu*t, we are in a cu*t. Thank you.
You should replace that asterisk with either an L or N. Either way works
I don’t get it.
Praise Lonnie for sharing his wisdom