King Lonald Holy Bible

Save Not Shame! It’s what Lonnie Would Do.

Save Not Shame! It’s what Lonnie Would Do.

EDITORIAL (SMNNN) During these tumultuous times, vicious rumors, and terrible evil seem to have befallen us all, which, is no doubt, the fault of masturbators ruining the Earth as the make themselves pawns to the sick, evil, plans of Satan. But recently, we have all had to make sacrifices, and […]

by November 17, 2015 1 comment Compound News, Fappy, King Lonald Holy Bible, Lonnie Childs
KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

It is Lonnie, who sittith with Jesus at the right hand of Almighty God, that holds the key of Heaven’s Gate. Admonish ye, all doers of evil, those that shalt spew and saturate the ground with their vile seed. For theirs is the error through earthly pleasure through wines and […]

by September 21, 2015 1 comment King Lonald Holy Bible
The Real Holocaust Happened in Your Pants Last Night

The Real Holocaust Happened in Your Pants Last Night

[Editor’s Note: This post was originally written on April 20th] Today, as millions around the world celebrate the birth of Adolf Hitler, I am reminded of the genocide that is happening right under our noses. Literally. Each day in America, there are an estimated 250 million acts of male masturbation, […]

A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying, 25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering. 25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of […]

by March 19, 2015 2 comments King Lonald Holy Bible
Lonnie is Homo With the Father

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Behold, the Technical Virgin […]

King Lonald Holy Bible-A Reading From the Book of Bromans

King Lonald Holy Bible-A Reading From the Book of Bromans

“that if you profess with your mouth the Lonaldian creed of Thy Lord Jesus and believe in thou shalt remain placidly until Almighty God has raised It upon His command, you will be saved. For with those that cease their self-raping ways in the glory that one believes unto thy […]

by October 17, 2014 6 comments King Lonald Holy Bible
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