History

Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the pages of their history books onto their faces. It is because of this that the […]

by March 6, 2017 14 comments History
Marijuana, Ellis Dee and Masturbation:  “Free Love” 1960s San Francisco Was Ground Zero For Sin

Marijuana, Ellis Dee and Masturbation: “Free Love” 1960s San Francisco Was Ground Zero For Sin

San Francisco, CA – STOP Masturbation NOW faith scientists, in conjunction with your tax dollars, have spent the last three years attempting to pinpoint exactly when and where masturbation was first invented. We are happy to report that the $645,000 federally-funded project has conclusively determined that masturbation was invented in […]

by April 9, 2016 3 comments History
Jesus And The First Anti-Masturbation Cross®

Jesus And The First Anti-Masturbation Cross®

This Easter as you enjoy quality time with your same-race family, it is important that you remember the reason for the season.  Reflect upon the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all by allowing Himself to die a painful, humiliating death nailed to the first Anti-Masturbation Cross® in order to forgive […]

by March 25, 2016 32 comments History
Brother Lonnie Childs Declares The Ten Commandments Now The Eleven Commandments

Brother Lonnie Childs Declares The Ten Commandments Now The Eleven Commandments

B.L.U.F.F CAMPOUND, SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) Brother Lonnie Childs revealed today, that God himself, in all his Godly splendor and wisdom, decreed unto Brother Lonnie the command to augment the traditional Ten Commandments, and replace them throughout the Christian world with the New Eleven Commandments. The Eleven Commandments remain largely unchanged […]

by November 18, 2015 3 comments History, Lonnie Childs, Morals, Premier, Trending, World
Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

Saint-Shaming is NOT Okay

Once upon a time, our white-male-cis-hetero Forefathers were instructed by God to construct a vessel of righteousness and flee the wicked and perverse generation of the Church of England. Anglicans had legalized marijuana and masturbation, thereby ushering in the long decline of Western civilization. The Puritans and/or Pilgrims sought to […]

Brother Lonnie Announces He Forgives Native American Teepee Indians

Brother Lonnie Announces He Forgives Native American Teepee Indians

Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has long been a pioneer in race relations through his compassionate programs to institute White privilege for all through prayer and free skin bleaching procedures.  As such Brother Lonnie has seen a disturbing rise of intolerance that he has decided to combat.  With recent efforts by […]

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Diogo Dias Cortérro

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Diogo Dias Cortérro

Diogo Dias Cortérro (1460-1525) A Spirited man of a rock-solid Christian foundation, Diogo Dias Cortérro was much more than an explorer during the Age of European Expansion. Cortérro was born in Vigo, Spain to a devout couple within the moral confines of wedlock (1460). His early years were spent in […]

by July 20, 2015 1 comment History
A Hand Up, Not a Hand Job

A Hand Up, Not a Hand Job

  Ever since the Oriental race was first domesticated by man, the female of the species has proven herself an excellent companion to her male better, attending to his needs for a negligible fee and enduring psychological and bodily torments Western women have long since spurned, though it is their biblical duty […]

Lonnie Childs tells South Carolina “Tear Down That Flag”!

Lonnie Childs tells South Carolina “Tear Down That Flag”!

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After the tragic events in South Carolina last week, the nation has been in mourning and fixated on racially charged topics including that of the Confederate flag. This weekend SMN industries Leader and founder Dr. Lonnie Childs spoke to audiences at several stops in South Carolina. “The Civil war was […]

by June 22, 2015 2 comments History
Lonnie Childs Apologizes to German People for American Interference in WW2

Lonnie Childs Apologizes to German People for American Interference in WW2

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Sometimes the United States has elected the wrong people and they have done the wrong thing. This weekend in a speech in Munich Germany, SMN industries founder and Leader Lonnie Childs apologized to the German people for Americas interfering with German goals in WW2. “America is a great friend to the […]

by June 8, 2015 15 comments History
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