Tina’s Law

Won’t You Please Help?

Won’t You Please Help?

For immediate release: “My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income that my followers pay has in the past been sufficient to fund my ministry and […]

Masturbation Made Illegal In All 50 States

Masturbation Made Illegal In All 50 States

The scourge of masturbation is now on its death throes as the efforts of Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs and a recent decision by the Supreme Court has made “Tina’s Law” mandatory in all 50 states. “Tina’s Law”, named after black singing sensation Tina Turner has made masturbation illegal with fines, […]

by July 7, 2015 19 comments Tina's Law
Lonnie is Homo With the Father

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Behold, the Technical Virgin […]

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

Tina’s Law and Your Tax Dollars at Work

As fellow Christians and believers in Brother Lonnie’s divinity you are well aware that South Dakota recently passed Tina’s Law which bans masturbation and dangerous interracial coupling. Many of the naysayers have asked how can you enforce such a law and our answer has always been the Council of Morality […]

Mayor Mike Tyson Curses Out TV Reporter After Being Reminded of Self-Rape Conviction

Mayor Mike Tyson Curses Out TV Reporter After Being Reminded of Self-Rape Conviction

Mayor of Toronto, Mike Tyson (pictured above), flew into a profanity-laced tirade after a fellow non-normal news reporter shamefully drudged up a two-decade-old self-rape conviction. On live television, Tyson called news anchor Nathan “Debbie” Downer the f-word, the s-word, and a rat. Such language has never before been heard uncensored on […]

Bill Gates Donates $1 Million To Gun Control; $2 Million To Tina’s Law

Bill Gates Donates $1 Million To Gun Control; $2 Million To Tina’s Law

American Billionaire and sometimes computer whiz kid, Bill Gates, shocked second amendment advocates when he donated $1 million (SMD) to a Washington State campaign to expand background checks on gun sales. The Gates family’s disturbing anti-Bill of Rights donation was negated moments later when Gates donated $2 million (USD) to a committee to […]

by August 27, 2014 4 comments Money, Politics, Tina's Law
NFL kicking sensation on short list of candidates for South Dakota's Council of Morality

Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota

As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie […]

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