Press Release

Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

By Nigel J. Covington III Reporting For SMN News (SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country. Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the […]

by February 4, 2017 1 comment Press Release
Stop Masturbation Satellite Hacked: Now Distributing Gay Porn

Stop Masturbation Satellite Hacked: Now Distributing Gay Porn

(StopMasturbationNOW)-Last week was a feel good moment for us here at StopMasturbationNOW. We had just launched our first satellite the Childs1 into space. Unfortunately, less than one week into service hackers have taken over the satellite and are now using it to distribute interracial gay porn from websites such as […]

Stop Masturbation Now Announces Launch of First Anti Masturbation Satellite

Stop Masturbation Now Announces Launch of First Anti Masturbation Satellite

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Stop Masturbation NOW, a division of SMN Heavy Industries and Chemical, today proudly launched their first satellite into orbit. Named Childs1, the geostationary satellite is capable of broadcasting anti masturbation related materials as well as do experiments. “Childs1 hopes to be the first of many devices planned for this […]

by January 14, 2016 8 comments Press Release, Science
Lonnie Childs to Forgive Muslims for 9/11

Lonnie Childs to Forgive Muslims for 9/11

(StopMasturbationNow)—In his annual 9/11 remembrance speech; SMN Industries founder and leader Lonnie Childs announced the need for forgiveness and reconciliation with the religion responsible for the terrible acts on 9/11. Our Faith is based on the tenants of acceptance and forgiveness, we must reach out to these wild peoples and […]

by September 12, 2015 0 comments Press Release
Won’t You Please Help?

Won’t You Please Help?

For immediate release: “My brothers and sisters…I, Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, having fought the scourge of masturbation for decades now must come to you in our most desperate hour.  The 30% tithe of their gross income that my followers pay has in the past been sufficient to fund my ministry and […]

Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

As the fallout of the Ashley Madison masturbation scandal reaches its climax it’s to be expected the LIEberal elements of the netsites would try to tarnish Brother Lonnie’s saintly visage with tawdry claims that his e-mail account was among the millions exposed by hackers.  The notorious lesbian netsite hacker known […]

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.). Various hidden pro masturbation messages have […]

by May 20, 2015 11 comments Big Masturbation, Press Release
New Mascot Unveiled to Help Teach Mexican Kids The Sins Of Masturbation

New Mascot Unveiled to Help Teach Mexican Kids The Sins Of Masturbation

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After the fantastic success of our Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin program we had a lot of requests for him to speak to many Mexican areas of our country and around the world, the problem is as everyone knows, dolphins don’t speak Mexican. So thanks to a $50,000 research study that […]

by March 31, 2015 8 comments Foreigners, Premier, Press Release
Masturbator Marries Herself

Masturbator Marries Herself

Houston TX (SMNN) A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame. Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency […]

SMN will be featured “On the Air with Mike Allen” Wednesday Jan 21

SMN will be featured “On the Air with Mike Allen” Wednesday Jan 21

FOR RELEASE January 20, 2015 Media Contact: info@stopmasturbationnow.org We are pleased to announce that Stop Masturbation will be the featured guest on: On the Air with Mike Allen Wednesday January 21, 2015. Stop Masturbation Now is the premier movement dedicated to ending masturbation, restoring family values, masturbation education, lowering the […]

by January 20, 2015 13 comments Press Release
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