Weather

Masturbation Rates Up In Areas Hit By Blizzard: What Can You Do To Stay Safe

Masturbation Rates Up In Areas Hit By Blizzard: What Can You Do To Stay Safe

(StopMasturbationNOW)— The great Blizzard of 2016 is rolling up the east coast and with it people are staying home to avoid the snow and bad roads. Unfortunately a consequence of this is people have much more free time and isolation which is a recipe for masturbation disaster. In Baltimore alone […]

by January 23, 2016 19 comments Weather
Texas maybe? Or Burbank? Or ANYWHERE! Thanks Masturbation!

Is Masturbation Destroying The Climate?

SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN) A chilling result of a study, released by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts, and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, entitled: “Masturbation Residue And It’s Effects On The Global Climate “ outlines the direct impact of the masturbator and it’s filth, on the peaceful, God-fearing innocent peoples […]

by January 6, 2016 37 comments Science, Supernatural Disaster, Weather, World
Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

Rain in Washington D.C. Thought To Be God’s Tears Following Landmark Decision To Allow Gay Marriage

SMNNN (WASHINGTON D.C.) Weather.com reports rain and thunderstorms in the Washington D.C. today, following the landmark decision by the Supreme Court to recognize gay homosex marriage and queerosexual unions, and to disobey the Lord and his holy wishes, ultimately ushering in the Rapture, signifying the beginning of the end of […]

Mexico Punished By Huge Volcanic Eruption

Mexico Punished By Huge Volcanic Eruption

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Praise Lonnie Childs! The Calbuco volcano in the Mexican state of Chile continued erupting for the second week causing over 6500 people to flee their mud huts. The ash and fire has reportedly shot as high as 40,000 feet. About 1,500 people in Ensenada, in the foothills of the volcano, […]

by April 27, 2015 11 comments Foreigners, Weather
Lonnie Sends Storm to Liberal New England States to Prove Global Warming a Myth

Lonnie Sends Storm to Liberal New England States to Prove Global Warming a Myth

(StopMasturbationNow)—Our Leader Lonnie in his infinite wisdom and glory has prayed for a winter storm like no other to bury liberal northeastern states. This will once and for all prove that global warming is a liberal hoax. Already called the storm of the century, a Blizzard is currently working its […]

by January 26, 2015 8 comments Weather
The most well-known thing in Turkmenistan.

Masturbation-Feuled Flaming Gas Crater Intensifies

Turkmenistan- (SMNNN) In the backward and primitive sand covered land of Turkmenistan, the Portal To Hell, a large super-natural fire filled hole in the ground, powered by the Earth’s release of natural gas, and God’s rage, has increased by 27% in intensity since last year. Faithscientists place the blame squarely […]

by August 6, 2014 30 comments Foreigners, Morals, Science, Weather
2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source

2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source

The Bureau of Meteorology has revised their “El Niño” prediction for 2015 down to a 50 per cent chance yesterday. This comes after their earlier issued prediction of a 70 per cent or greater chance of “El Niño” impacting Americans next year. Faith Scientists have also been warning of extreme weather […]

by August 2, 2014 5 comments Science, Weather
The Hell-Pools are clear evidence his place means business!

Masturbation Causes Increase in Yellowstone Caldera Volcanic Activity

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK/ PORTAL TO HELL (SMNNN) The Yellowstone super volcano is due for the largest eruption ever seen in the 8,000 year history of the Earth, and masturbation is definitely the causes, say leading Faithvolcanologists. Masturbation, long conclusively proven to be causing Global Warmings, is now known to be […]

by July 30, 2014 20 comments Death, Science, Weather
Thinking of self-raping in the bay? Think again, shark-food!

Sharp Rise in Deaths As Sharks Attack and Eat Masturbators

EAST COAST- U.S.A (SMNNN) An unprecedented increase in various species of sharks attacking and eating people, is most likely caused by masturbation, Faithscientists say. This year, dozens of people on the East Coast have been attacked and/or eaten by sharks, and until recently, nobody had even the slightest clue why. […]

by July 28, 2014 33 comments Death, Science, Self-Rape Prevention, Weather
The Chelyabinsk meteor injured many people.

Girl Killed by Meteor Strike While Masturbating

Chelyabinsk, Russian Communist C.C.C.P (SMNN) Thanks to a huge out-pouring of public information, B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow’s informational staff have found evidence that a 16-year-old female was killed by a meteorite impact, while masturbating outside, during the Chelyabinsk Meteor Incident in February of 2013. Magda Leshniac […]

by July 25, 2014 42 comments Death, Foreigners, Science, Spot a Masturbator, Weather, World
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