Weather

Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue at Unsafe Levels

self rape levels

B.L.U.F.F. AZ – The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, along with NASA, has determined that self rape residues in the atmosphere are at unsafe levels in many areas of the United States.

The FFBT and NASA, as part of a joint taxpayer funded coalition, has been measuring the levels of masturbation particulates, semen droplets, and pubic dust in the atmosphere for the past ten years using orbiting satellite technology and data collection standards. Historical records have shown that self rape residue (S.R.R.) levels increase exponentially during summer months in areas of high humidity where SRRs are more susceptible to ionic attachment to water and cloud forms.

Those living in areas of high SRR are advised to wear protective covering about their faces. Any open sores should also be dressed with fresh bandages and changed frequently.

Refrain, or course, from masturbation and excessive handling of the sex organs. A two shake limit during urination is in effect.

Please stay informed by referencing StopMasturbationNow.org and the sister Facebook page for complete news on this and other important anti-self rape content.

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Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago

Fuck your website and your so-called “FaithFacts”. I masturbate everyday and I’m proud of it.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago

Classic masturbation rage. Praying now.

No.
No.
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

“Masturbation rage” you mean rage of some stupid trolling website with no facts at all?

Tyson Litz (@ZaXXoN1680)
Reply to  No.

What crawled up your ass and died?!?

Jdjd
9 days ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

IM AM ON HERE BECAUSE OF THE CROSS MEME AND I HAVE A PEPE THAT CUMS WHEN I TOUCH IT bITCHES !!!!

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

This is a classic self-rapist. Addicted. I’m sure this friend is from one of the eastern areas experiencing extreme levels of self rape residue. We can help you. Open mindedness to change is the first step. At least you are willing to admit you have a problem.

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

Son I’m not the one with the problem. I think you have a problem with believing every lie these fools say.

Christopher
Christopher
1 month ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

“Self Rape” blamed on Satan herp derp. Neanderthal running in the woods because he slurps and chirps.

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

I understand that you are proud. Let the light back into your life. Come back to the fold. You are clearly aggressive because of your guilt. Let us clap for this soul. Praise.

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

Son, It is clear that these men have brainwashed you with their lies and treachery. You have gone too deep and there is no hope for you to ever see the truth. I fell sorry for you.

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

I nearly fell down when I read your last comment. You are clearly deflecting and thus an aggressive masturbator as well. Fight the good fight. I believe in you and will pray “AT” you in order to maximize your recovery.

Christopher
Christopher
1 month ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

Overcompensating because bishops have gay sex with children. Repeat after me I’m Bishop Smith and and I’m a sex offender.

Christopher
Christopher
1 month ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

This sounds extremely sexual perhaps I can recommend some therapists.

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago

I am fighting the good fight son, against Stop Masturbation Now, Lonnie Childs. and all the rest of the fools on this site. I hope that one day you will see past the lies these men have told you and realize what a glorious thing masturbation can be. Praise.

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

Perception is realty for some. Your tainted perception of reality likely stems from your secretive masturbatory sessions. Self-rape is a crime in this kingdom. I encourage and warn you to get rid of all of your lotions child. Holy help is on the way.

Christopher
Christopher
1 month ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

You use epistemic reasoning. It inferior you know. Try reading some Albert Camus or Jean Paul Sartre. Really just read any existentialist. At least try chances are you lack mental faculties to understand it. It’s worth a shot though.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago

I don’t deal in “lies”, masturbator. Only faithfacts. Praise!

R.D.
6 years ago

You people can NOT be serious??!?!?! You actually believe this crap you’re pushing, or is this a satire site meant to make people laugh? This is one of the most hilarious and overly disturbing websites I have ever come across! PLEASE tell me this is a joke? There’s absolutely NOTHING factual about any of this. NONE.

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago
Reply to  R.D.

Everything on this Holy netsite is a proven #FaithFact that has been researched and verified by Lonnie Childs. What you see elsewhere on the world wide web is the “reality” that Big Masturbation wants you to believe is the truth.

That “reality” is false.

Once you accept Lonnie Childs as your savior it all becomes clear. Until you do, I will pray at you; as will the rest of us.

Praise.

No.
No.
6 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Verified by “Lonnie Childs” how does that work?

Jack White
Jack White
2 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Accept Lonnie Child’s as your savior? What is this, an anti-madturbation cult?

Zeferath the amazing.
Zeferath the amazing.
6 years ago

Lol, how is California and Nevada normal? Ever heard of SF and Vegas? Lol, even if any of this was true you map is still inaccurate.

Bajesus
Bajesus
6 years ago

You lot are fucking strange big up all atheists we will eliminate religion soon enough! 🙂

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Bajesus

Silly Athetit.

Praying AT you!

No.
No.
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

If praying a weapon now?

Dominik
6 years ago

Raping my self while reading this, so good.

Macca
4 years ago
Reply to  Dominik

Stumbled in here from imgur postrich fap… how do I updoot this comment!

Ignorance is Apparently Bliss

http://www.nasa.gov/socialmedia/
Go here, pick Social Media of Your Choice
Ask them about Self Rape Residue or SRR.
Or if you’re so inclined perform a google search for the same.
Read or ask dedicated sources instead of going to sites like this before believing everything you’re told.

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

Child you are perhaps the biggest masturbator of all. Repent!

No.
No.
6 years ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

That made no sense to what he said.

Ignorance is Apparently Bliss

Wow look at all those automatic Pray Against Applied to posts literally seconds after they are posted. Must keep all the ‘true’ posts for the ‘dedicated’ members ay.

The Saprophyte
The Saprophyte
6 years ago

So that’s what they mean by self-pollution…

Robert Umberto Covello

This can’t be for real. This website has to be satire. Are people really this stupid? If so, my faith in humanity is lost.

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

#guiltyhands

Simon
Simon
6 years ago

It’s funny because even religious bigots masturbate. They just deny it.

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Simon

Speaking from experience I suppose. #guiltyselfrapingmasturbator

Handsy
Handsy
6 years ago

Lol. I admit it, I touch myself…
And I enjoy every minute of it
…… I don’t want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself.
I think everyone that knows me knows I’m a perv 😉

El progenitor
El progenitor
6 years ago

“Level of self rape residue in atmosphere”. Honnestly, I didn’t have a thorough look on this site but if you are serious, you’re cleary way too high. Imaginig that when you cum things goes in the same way as fungus spores wahou men, seriously (that make me feel so worried) !!! I warn you ! If you really think that reaching your end in masturbating acts like a spray, I am deeply sorry to announce you that you are breathing my “intimacy” for two decades by now. And I live in Europe. Let you imagine. Becarefull when the wind blows… Read more »

Dr.Trollington
Dr.Trollington
6 years ago

This has to be a troll site lol!

1111
6 years ago

cool, i found a cult today

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  1111

Where?

this site is crazy
this site is crazy
6 years ago

How is it self rape if my hamd and my dick both want it? This is very inaccurate

Kay Tay
Kay Tay
6 years ago

THis website makes me laugh so hard, thanks for the comedic value 😀

ShellyRichey
6 years ago

Don’t be stupid. Sex that isn’t rape involves two consenting adults. When you masturbate, there is only one consenting adult. Therefore it is obviously rape. Read a book. Duh.

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ComedyGold!
ComedyGold!
4 years ago

Oh man, this site is hilarious!

JoeyMorningstar
JoeyMorningstar
4 years ago

Jesus Jerked off as a teenager.

Bigg
Bigg
4 years ago

I’m sad this is what humanity has been reduced to. Please every single one of you who used this abysmal joke of a site seriously, end your own life

MadHatter
MadHatter
3 years ago

Can you guys provide me with an 18 year old female to have sex with instead of masturbating?

Leon
Leon
3 years ago

As a young man that was sexually assaulted in the military, I am shaking with anger that you would appropriate the word ‘self-rape’ for your own cause.
People touch themselves of their own God-given will, there is no rape about it.

Please remove this offensive title from your charts, or I will be forced to bring you up at my next vet meeting.

Dick Wanker
Dick Wanker
3 years ago

wait is this site for real?

Taphhany
Taphhany
3 years ago

I HOPE THIS ISNT A PARODY ORGANIZATION HAHAHHAHA LMAO

Popbob
Popbob
1 month ago

I have changed because of this!
Anyways anyone know any good sex toys so I can masturbate?

Vengeance Is Mine
Vengeance Is Mine
1 month ago

Atmospheric Masturbatory Residue?? Even by the VERY low standards of this site. That’s a laughable claim. That single working braincell of yours, must be VERY lonely indeed

Big Masturbation Salvia

Hi Lonnie! Big Masturbation here. I’m just here to clarify that this map is false, as you know already Satan has given us the power to mind control everyone in the world to rub out a good one into the sky to spread their “Masturbatory Residue” into the air to brainwash non-suspecting bystanders. So the entire United States needs to be bright red. Consider telling Fred at NASA to stop beating one off and actually do his job correctly for once.

Bid sad you're ignorant
Bid sad you're ignorant
14 days ago

‘Facts’ wewlad like give me proof, as far as we can see all you have is ‘religious testaments and laws’ and your own retardation. Big sad, come back when you understand hormone control libtards. Big smh

Jdjd
9 days ago

Keep in mind these are the same people who say that the ozone is fake

Last edited 9 days ago by Jdjd