Post Tagged with: "Masturbation"

The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

The Dangers of Inappropriate Office Boners (I.O.B.) and How to Stop Them!

Have you ever been afflicted by an Inappropriate Office Boner (I.O.B.) at work? It’s an embarrassing condition that can be caused by one of the following three things: too-tight slacks, the tawdry new intern and her suggestive clothing, or thoughts of carpet bombing a foreign nation such as Canada. The […]

Image by Mylene2401 from Pixabay

The Truth Behind the Toilet Paper Shortages

Toilet paper is out of stock everywhere. This is the reality that humans worldwide have been forced to contend with lately. However, the lieberal media would have you believe that “hoarders” or “preppers” are snapping of every roll of “white gold” they see. This is simply not true. Sources deep […]

by March 30, 2020 9 comments Money
Official White House Photo by Joyce N. Boghosian

Expert: Masturbation Rates Will Skyrocket Due to “Social Distancing”

President Donald Trump backed off of his “let’s open up America again for Easter” claims and has officially extended “social distancing” through April 30th. Faith Science Expert and our own fearless leader, Lonnie Childs, took to an evening fax to warn His followers. Brother Lonnie’s fax began by thanking all […]

by March 29, 2020 2 comments Lonnie Childs, Science
NIAID / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)

Dr. Fauci Warns About Risks of Masturbation in COVID-19 Era

COVID-19 media superstar, Dr. Anthony Fauci, allegedly had a landline telephone conversation with our founder, and fellow doctor, Lonnie Childs. During this landmark meeting of the minds, Dr. Fauci allegedly gave Dr. Childs some key scientific information as it relates to masturbation and the spread of the deadly COVID-19 virus. […]

by March 29, 2020 0 comments Science
Good Guy Pat Sajak

Good Guy Pat Sajak

by March 14, 2020 3 comments Celebrity, Disciples, Morals, Trending
How To Spot a Masturbator

How To Spot a Masturbator

Most people wash their hands as a way to stay clean and prevent the spread of harmful germs.  When using the restroom, a normal person will wash their hands upon entering the restroom so as to not spread bacteria and viruses to their genitals, and then relieve themselves afterwards.  This […]

by February 20, 2020 230 comments Morals, Spot a Masturbator
“Spin the Bottle”:  A Harmless Rite of Passage or Dangerous Masturbation Ritual?

“Spin the Bottle”: A Harmless Rite of Passage or Dangerous Masturbation Ritual?

Some say that the pre-teen game “spin the bottle” is harmless fun; a time where whimsical memories are created, a rite of passage for many a youth.  The naïve people who believe this couldn’t be more wrong! **SPIN THE BOTTLE IS A GATEWAY DRUG TO A GROUP MASTURBATION GAME CALLED […]

by February 18, 2020 4 comments Gateway Drug, Morals, Spot a Masturbator
Michael Thomas Dorgan gets prison time after his 10th conviction for masturbating in public.

Oregon Man Sentenced to 4 ½ Years in State Penitentiary for Masturbation

By Nigel J. Covington III Reporting for SMN News Service (PORTLAND) Michael Thomas Dorgan, 55, of Portland, OR was found guilty Tuesday for the 10th time on a public indecency charge for masturbating in public, prosecutors said. According to FOX News 12, Dorgan was sentenced to four-and-a-half years in prison, […]

by September 7, 2018 10 comments Trending
San Francisco House Fire Claims Five Lives

Family Dies in House Fire Caused by Masturbating Teen

By Nigel J. Covington III, The Covington Report (SAN FRANCISCO) – An early morning fire broke out shortly after midnight Tuesday morning killing a family of five. The fire occurred at the Bryant home at 1561 San Juan Rd. in that sewer dump of San Francisco. The fire started in […]

by August 14, 2018 57 comments Family Values
Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

Self-Celibacy in History: Dunkirk

History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the pages of their history books onto their faces. It is because of this that the […]

by March 6, 2017 14 comments History
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