Science

Dr. Fauci Warns About Risks of Masturbation in COVID-19 Era

COVID-19 media superstar, Dr. Anthony Fauci, allegedly had a landline telephone conversation with our founder, and fellow doctor, Lonnie Childs. During this landmark meeting of the minds, Dr. Fauci allegedly gave Dr. Childs some key scientific information as it relates to masturbation and the spread of the deadly COVID-19 virus.

While we are not able to reproduce exact quotes due to internet privacy laws, I’ve been authorized to paraphrase the alleged conversation between Lonnie and Fauci here on Stop Masturbation Now’s official holy netsite.

First, Fauci allegedly advised Childs that keeping his followers in their isolation chambers at the local BLUFF facilities was an important step to preventing a localized cluster outbreak. Fauci allegedly praised Lonnie for His ability to keep various disease outbreaks contained over the past several decades. While previous outbreaks were of the STI variety, Fauci allegedly commended Lonnie for being the first person in America to take COVID-19 seriously. As you may be aware, Lonnie locked all male followers into their isolation cells back in October 2019. In early November 2019, Lonnie picked his favorite nine female followers / spouses and self-quarantined with them. The remaining female followers were then sent to their own isolation cells.

Next, Fauci allegedly supported Lonnie’s expert decision to convert all Menstrual Huts into COVID-19 Triage Huts in order to free up the one bed at the BLUFF Medical Facility for Lonnie’s upcoming elective procedures scheduled for Spring / Summer 2020.

Dr. Fauci also allegedly remarked that he suspects communities with lots of masturbators will have to endure an epic loss of life. Fauci allegedly agreed with Lonnie’s faith science findings that the potential for COVID-19 to spread via unsafe masturbation practices is astronomical. Fauci allegedly implied that masturbators are always touching something; so much so that their brains are hard-wired to always be touching a part of their body. That touching would, naturally, include the face and thus all sorts of viruses, including COVID-19, could be spread immediately after a sin session.

Fauci’s alleged stark warning for masturbators worldwide dovetails with the lessons Lonnie has been teaching for years – it is never a good time to be a masturbator.

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