By Nigel J. Covington III, The Covington Report (SAN FRANCISCO) – An early morning fire broke out shortly after midnight Tuesday morning killing a family of five. The fire occurred at the Bryant home at 1561 San Juan Rd. in that sewer dump of San Francisco. The fire started in […]
History books are most certainly slanted by the forces of Big Masturbation. In modern times, it’s a literal crime that our precious youth must be forced to incorporate horrible inaccuracies and filth interjected from the pages of their history books onto their faces. It is because of this that the […]
“And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.” — Deut 32.19 In an expected move, SMN Ministries has announced its intention to protest the newest release from Regency Enterprises. A Cure for Wellness is Hollywood’s newest Big Masturbation […]
President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in his first Skype interview as president. “And it’s countries that people are going to cum […]
By Nigel J. Covington III Reporting For SMN News (SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country. Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the […]
TEXARKANA – Bad room service was the least of the worries a family of four were forced to deal with after a semen stained rag was found stuffed into a Gideon’s Bible in the drawer of their room. The Texarkana Times reports the parents had noticed a foul smell in […]
SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the most important reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities […]
When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in. She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender […]
Ever since SMN Ministries founder and overall spiritual leader Lonnie Childs declared his endorsement for GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, Texas senator Ted Cruz has been lobbying the Anti-Masturbation community for their support, directly. Senator Cruz has repeatedly brought-up his 2004 efforts as Solicitor General of Texas to ban the sale […]
One’s own hand may, sadly to some, become known as a lonely man’s only friend, but one Australian has taken his self love to an entirely new level by marrying his cherished appendage. According to the Down Under Times, Joe Grosser wed his hand, which he named, “Honey,” under a […]
