Big Masturbation / Moral Outrage / Morals

SMN Ministries Announces Boycott and Protest of Masturbation Movie “A Cure For Wellness”

“And when the LORD saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.” — Deut 32.19

In an expected move, SMN Ministries has announced its intention to protest the newest release from Regency Enterprises.

A Cure for Wellness is Hollywood’s newest Big Masturbation indoctrination. Presenting itself as a “psychological thriller,” the film is nothing more than an exposé of smut and debased sex.

The Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) urges parents to boycott this film and any media publicizing it in the form of trailers, reviews, or celebrity interviews.

Director Gore Verbinky has been in the crosshairs of SMN for past films such as the non-normal glorification screed, The Mexican and the quasi-homogay™ Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

The Pro Masturbation messages are clear. The film takes place in a fictionalized therapy compound where pleasing exterior florals and architectures disguise a disturbing sexual detestation within its walls. Patients, in a zombie-like self-rape daze, present to outsiders a false aura of joyful healing and rehabilitation treatment as they recover from a wide-ranging array of psychological ills. But further investigation soon uncovers a seriously depraved incubator of sexual incontinence and masturbation terror.

Dane DeHand (Life, The Amazing Spider-Man 2) plays Lockhart, the film’s main protagonist. He visits the center and unknowingly falls into its creepy spiral of sexual trepidation.

In one disturbing scene, while Mr. Lockhart is submerged in a therapeutic water tank, he witnesses a nurse exposing her robust sin sacks to an orderly who furiously fist flogs his dirty member. Growing fear and psychological panic is evident in Lockhart’s eyes as he screams and hopelessly pounds on the shell of his glass basin. The bubbling silence of his cries is weirdly akin to the same helplessness of devil possession experienced in those afflicted by self-rape sin.

“Assexualized portrayals of this sort belong in smut ally toss-off shacks in seedy ghettos, not on our silver screens,” says Dr. Lonald Childs, Chairman of SMN Ministries. “Obviously, it would be best if this kind of trash was purged from society, but liberals and pro-masturbation groups have effectively infiltrated our courts. Our only recourse is protest and pulpit denouncement of such filth.”

The Tinseltime Cinema 10 just outside Stafford’s (AZ) Springdale Retail Mall will be the first target of the SMN Ministries boycott. SMN Personnel is expected to arrive at noon Saturday for a picket and open megaphone protest. Check with your local B.L.U.F.F. Chapter for a protest near you.

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Braden Howell
Braden Howell
3 years ago

OK, two things, first, this movie has nothing to do with masturbation, secondly, when she’s showing him her tits he is not masturbating at all

Jeff the Taylor
Jeff the Taylor
3 years ago
Reply to  Braden Howell

It’s subliminal and hidden but the self rape promoting messages are blatantly clear and in plain sight.

someone
someone
3 months ago

This is too cursed to read, lmao.

Ricky
Ricky
3 years ago

Well the just idiotic to think this movie is just about masturbation

Just an internet person
Just an internet person
3 years ago

First, I don´t agree, however I respect your point of view and that you think this movie shouldn’t be promoted. Nonetheless saying things like”her robust sin sacks” and “furiously fist flogs his dirty member” are clearly inaccurate terms since both of them refer to a biological part of the human body. Calling them from a more objective point of view, like journalist do, would help you reach different people and help others with a different point of view to understand yours. The thing is that if this movie promotes masturbation or not is more a reflexion, since in the movie… Read more »

Your Granddad
Your Granddad
3 years ago

FAPMILF ? BLUFF ?! Lol.. I now get the satire. Entertaining content 🙂

fuck you
3 years ago

y’all niggas stupid as fuck. all y’all are is just white ass hillbillies that want some fucking attention

a smart man
a smart man
3 years ago

I still can’t decide whether or not this site is completely satire or serious?

VengeanceIsMine
VengeanceIsMine
3 years ago

She’s sister Mary now, eyes as cold as ice,Lonnie takes her once a week on the alter,like a sacrifice

J Poole
J Poole
2 years ago

“her robust sin sacks” and “furiously fist flogs his dirty member” made me laugh more than I have in a week!!!

Dick Tracer
Dick Tracer
2 years ago

Pleae help. I cant stop masturbating to this website, you guys write so well i cant resist. If you take the site down and stop writing you can possibly save my soul! Please help you’re my only hope!