Post Tagged with: "Masturbation"

Short pants bring out the Devil in masturbators.

Shorts: Satan’s Garment

A new study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow resulted in the discovery that there is a significant increase in self-rape rates in the warmer months of the year. Faith Scientist, Brother Richie Brinkman made the startling conclusion that one of the key factors to this spike in masturbation statistics is […]

by August 28, 2015 8 comments Gateway Drug
Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

By now you’ve probably already seen the news that former sandwich icon, Jared Fogle, of the famed Subway fast food chain is about to plead guilty to allegations that he possessed illegal child pornography. Prior to this revelation, Fogle had been mum about his level of guilt in the Jared […]

by August 18, 2015 3 comments Celebrity, Lonnie Childs
Study: Masturbation Residues found on 99.7% of Discarded iPhones

Study: Masturbation Residues found on 99.7% of Discarded iPhones

B.L.U.F.F. SAFFORD AZ – Mobile phones and devices have become an increasing fixture in American life during the last decade or two. It seems that a person can go nowhere without finding citizens fiddling away with their noses in a cellular phone or tablet electronic device. Pastors and Ministers have […]

by June 26, 2015 3 comments B.L.U.F.F.
New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand is a volcanic mass in the middle of the sea lying east of the Island nation of Austria. It has been proven that the earthquake and natural disasters which formed New Zealand were the point from which devils burst through the earth in the demonic ascension, one of […]

by June 20, 2015 15 comments Foreigners
Study: Self-Employed Are More Likely to Self-Rape

Study: Self-Employed Are More Likely to Self-Rape

A recent study conducted by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow has uncovered a new faith fact proving a link between self-employment and self-rape. The Foundation’s study concluded that the rate of self-rape among individuals who consider themselves “self-employed” was significantly higher than among individuals who work for someone else. […]

by May 27, 2015 8 comments Family Values
SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.). Various hidden pro masturbation messages have […]

by May 20, 2015 11 comments Big Masturbation, Press Release
Profile of Masturbation Music: Tool

Profile of Masturbation Music: Tool

Flock, I would like to bring to your attention the latest danger facing our precious youth: the masturbation band known as Tool.  Last week, while hosting my sister’s family at the compound campus in Safford, I noticed that my nineteen year-old nephew Jimmy was ignoring the Chick Tracts that I had […]

by April 25, 2015 20 comments Masturbation Music
The Real Holocaust Happened in Your Pants Last Night

The Real Holocaust Happened in Your Pants Last Night

[Editor’s Note: This post was originally written on April 20th] Today, as millions around the world celebrate the birth of Adolf Hitler, I am reminded of the genocide that is happening right under our noses. Literally. Each day in America, there are an estimated 250 million acts of male masturbation, […]

Can Smoking Help Prevent Masturbation?

Can Smoking Help Prevent Masturbation?

(Stop Masturbation Now)— Smoking has gotten an unfair bad reputation recently. The truth is that smoking can reduce masturbation desires up to 50%. When one smokes two things happen. One, the hands are busy and therefore do not wander to the sin regions of the body. Second, the after effects […]

by April 19, 2015 25 comments Morals, Science, Self-Rape Prevention
Rap Music Producer Blockhead Refuses To Masturbate In Hotel Room

Rap Music Producer Blockhead Refuses To Masturbate In Hotel Room

Brother Lonnie Childs has been working closely with a handful of small hotels across the United States on a mission to make hotel rooms less enticing to the common masturbator. Brother Lonnie started small with lower budget hotels, the likes of which tend to attract small business travelers and touring […]

by April 15, 2015 8 comments Family Values
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