Big Masturbation / Press Release

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.).

Various hidden pro masturbation messages have been uncovered in the film which has earned a FAPMILF color code rating of red, or nearly %100 danger of masturbation sin to minors and the weak-minded. This SMN Self Rape alert indicates an immediate concern for parents with the anti-masturbation health of their offspring in mind.

The movie opens in a futuristic post nuclear desert dystopia where a huge castle of masturbation torture chambers is run by a central figure wearing a self-rape bondage costume. Slaves are held upside down, tortured, and drained of semen at the will of the main antagonist. Peasants are controlled and encouraged to rub their genitalia to gain access to water. Frenzied scenes of sweaty masturbation simulation occur where various characters display subliminal self rape facial gestures. See the movie poster, above.

The film’s main female character, Furiosa, played by Charlezi Theron, is a personification of butch female masturbation. The name “Furiosa” is Dutch for “fury of uni (one) sin” or furious self rape. The Dutch come from the homosexualized nation of Holland, where self rape and the dangerous narcotic drug marijuana is openly celebrated in the international capital of sin, Amsterdam.

The main plot centers around Mad Max assisting Furiosa as she attempts to smuggle five sultry objects of self sexualization away from the castle and their pursuit by the ruling class, who wishes to keep them enslaved in the mastur-chambers as props for unified circle jerks and lesbian clam rubs.

Mad Max himself is donned in bondage masturbation garb throughout much of the film. His chained mastur-mate (self rape partner) is a balded psychotic with most frightening eyes. Together, with Furiosa and her band of flick-beans, they attempt escape to a mythical self rape oasis rumored to be somewhere far in the desert.

Their vehicle is an rotating oblong shaped device with various ball shaped trailers that emit a white fluid by twisting a hand crank.

All of this is set against a backdrop of heavy metal music, a known draw for pubescents who seek penis self pleasure.

Parents are warned to forbid their children from seeing Mad Max-Fury Road. Women, children, and other weak-minded individuals are to be sheltered from Mad Max-Fury Road.

Remember that it is not of purpose of the FAPMILF arm of B.L.U.F.F. to cast blame or judgement on any one person, group, or misguided faith that purports to condone self rape as a healthy lifestyle choice. It is only through a presentation of FaithFacts and the proven science thereof that warns of the absolute and final destination of that of a masturbation sinner without the gift of repentance and a spiritual (re)awakening provided by Brother Lonnie and the Stop Masturbation Now! Ministries.

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Papa FrankuRyuFoxeSomeone who has actually seen the film in question numerous timesthe devils lettersThis ain't my real name Recent comment authors
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nigelcovington
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nigelcovington

One look at that vile movie poster is enough to convince me to steer clear of this film. The individual depicted in this poster is one of those twisted unisex types so you can’t tell if it’s a meat-beater or a bean-flicker, either way it appears to be an underaged minor. When is Hollywood going to stop producing these films that use explicit imagery to lure the innocent & ignorant into a life of shame and deviancy? Bring back films like The Wizard of Oz, Citizen Kane, The Sound of Music, or It’s a Wonderful Life. How about a re-make… Read more »

augustweisz
Admin

I heard ths movie was filmed in Australia because Australia is already post-apocalyptic.

FAPMILF frequenter
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FAPMILF frequenter

I agree this movie should be avoided at all costs! I personally was invited to go see Mad Max: Fury Road and there were lots of sexual themes throughout the movie. Not nearly as many as the bible however. When Mary Magdalene washes Jesus’s feet, I got really aroused. The thought of her doing that made me want to sin! How about the rampant nudity in the Garden of Eden? What kind of sick pervert would make a garden to watch naked people walk in all day? They werent even aware they were naked (which is the sickest part) until… Read more »

Nigel Covington
Guest

Dear FATMILF, Look porker what kind of a person would post such a profane comment on this holy site where children across America, mostly those with God-fearing decent white folks for parents and those who attend private Christian schools come to this site to be educated about the dangers of masturbation and to catch up on Lonnie’s Faith Facts. That’s like posting hard core smut and pornography to the boys & girl’s bathroom in their Head Start program. What kind of a Godless whore are you? Now lets talk about the Wizard of Oz skank. Why would I care if… Read more »

This ain't my real name
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This ain't my real name

All I can say is, y’all are some weirdos… Seriously… Masturbation is completely natural and has.many health benefits. I seriously found myself chuckling as I read half your articles. “Civilizations that have gone extict from masturbation”??????? Seriously????? Anyways I just want to end in this. Sure its OK to believe that masturbation is wrong. Its just like how I do not believe in god and I think homosexuality is fine. But making up shit like that is not OK.

the devils letters
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the devils letters

this post arouses my sinstick so much that i creme pied all over the screen. and i even printed it off and stuck it on my wall with my devil juices

Someone who has actually seen the film in question numerous times
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Someone who has actually seen the film in question numerous times

I honestly cannot tell if the person who made this post is on some serious acid or not. You clearly haven’t even seen Mad Max: Fury Road, because if you had then you would be aware of these very obvious facts in the movie: 1) That “self-rape oasis” that the young girls (who have been raped and dehumanised by the leaders of Citadel, not by themselves) are fleeing to is a place that is safe for them to live and to deliver the child that one of them is carrying without him being turned into soldier. 2) “Slaves are held… Read more »

RyuFoxe
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RyuFoxe

I actually don’t know if this is all satirical, or if you are all serious about this. I severely hope that it is the former.

Papa Franku
Guest
Papa Franku

IT’S TIME TO STOP. JUST STOP OKAY. WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS. WHO ARE YOUR PARENTS. I’M GONNA CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. THIS IS JUST CANCER. SO MUCH CANCER. I CAN FEEL THE TUMORS COMING UP ON MY BACK. IT’S TIME TO STOP