Post Tagged with: "Brother Lonnie"

BLUFF Calls for a Boycott of the New Star Wars Movie

BLUFF Calls for a Boycott of the New Star Wars Movie

Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (BLUFF), along with the N.A.A.W.P., has announced a boycott and will schedule protests of the new Star Wars movie on the grounds that it discriminates against Self Celibate Normals. In a press release issued by the B.L.U.F.F. Legal Action Foundation (BLUFF-LAF), Brother Lonnie Childs’ words […]

by January 5, 2016 15 comments Celebrity
BLUFF Turns Away Syrian Self-Rapists

BLUFF Turns Away Syrian Self-Rapists

SAFFORD-AZ Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (BLUFF) has vowed not to accept any refugees from Syria into their campus in response to the revelation that masturbators may have entered Europe as part of a wave of migrants from the war-torn region. The move complicates the Obama administration’s plan to accept […]

by November 17, 2015 2 comments Foreigners
Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

After many sit down meetings and hours on private phone conversations, it appears that none other than Pope Francis finally has accepted Lonnie Childs’s plan to eradicate the Earth of masturbation. Speaking to his millions… and millions of fans on Twitter, Pope Francis went on quite a rant about how […]

by September 14, 2015 0 comments Lonnie Childs
B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

Safford, Arizona – Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (B.L.U.F.F.) has announced a special safari and big game hunting excursion to the African Nation of Zimbabwe. Special Services Recreational Director and long-time B.L.U.F.F. elder Thomas Downey announced the trip during a closed question-and-answer session between the B.L.U.F.F. Eldership and SMN Pledges […]

by July 31, 2015 4 comments Animals, B.L.U.F.F., World
SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.). Various hidden pro masturbation messages have […]

by May 20, 2015 11 comments Big Masturbation, Press Release
STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket® Successfully Deployed At Arizona Juvenile Detention Center

STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket® Successfully Deployed At Arizona Juvenile Detention Center

Lonnie Childs received great news over the weekend when the Graham County Juvenile Detention Center in Safford, Arizona delivered the results of a three-month study on the effectiveness of the Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®. According to spokesman Dennis E. Cross of the GCJDC, “We found Mr. Childs’s jackets were of great benefit to […]

by May 11, 2015 33 comments Lonnie Childs
Rap Music Producer Blockhead Refuses To Masturbate In Hotel Room

Rap Music Producer Blockhead Refuses To Masturbate In Hotel Room

Brother Lonnie Childs has been working closely with a handful of small hotels across the United States on a mission to make hotel rooms less enticing to the common masturbator. Brother Lonnie started small with lower budget hotels, the likes of which tend to attract small business travelers and touring […]

by April 15, 2015 8 comments Family Values
Lonnie Childs Demands Mandatory Penile Monitoring For All Masturbators

Lonnie Childs Demands Mandatory Penile Monitoring For All Masturbators

We at Stop Masturbation Now have been following the progress of Tina’s Law as it spreads across the United States. Brother Lonnie Childs, in His infinite wisdom, has made “penile monitoring” mandatory for all convicted and suspected male violators of the groundbreaking Anti-Masturbation law. Penile monitoring or, penile plethysmography, is […]

by April 10, 2015 7 comments Self-Rape Prevention
(image source: By English: Lance Corporal Antonio J. Vega, United States Marine Corps [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

U.S. Government ‘Accidentally’ Leaks Lonnie Childs Southwest Conquest Map

According to sources within Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts, the United States has ‘accidentally’ leaked a map that B.L.U.F.F. was using for internal strategy purposes. The map in question featured the Southwest of the United States and labeled the areas that Brother Lonnie and His advisors had planned to […]

by April 4, 2015 6 comments Politics
Lonnie Childs encountering "The Sasquatch".

BREAKING: Lonnie Childs Solves Mystery Of Bigfoot

Another one of life’s great mysteries has been solved thanks to the tireless efforts of Lonnie Childs. Brother Lonnie was out walking the Earth as He does from time to time and found Himself in Western Oregon in the woods. The particular area Brother Lonnie was traveling through is renowned […]

by April 3, 2015 11 comments Animals
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