Post Tagged with: "sin"

Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

By Nigel J. Covington III Sex Expert October 17, 2018 Dear Nigel, I walked in on my daughter when she was masturbating the other day. I was shocked, but I said nothing — I simply left the room. I have not discussed this with her or with my wife since. […]

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ESPN Actively Encouraging Men to Commit Sex Acts Upon Each Other

In today’s masturbation-fueled world, it should come to no surprise that Disney’s own ESPN has a segment on their NFL Sunday Pre-Game show called (of all things) “C’Mon Man!!!” As you know, cumming on a man is something only another man can do, as women are not physically capable of […]

by November 13, 2015 7 comments Moral Outrage
“666” Sign of the Beast or Code Talk for Homogay Threesomes?

“666” Sign of the Beast or Code Talk for Homogay Threesomes?

  We all know that The Gay is caused by masturbation.  It is a same-sex, sex-act, where one engages in giving hand jobs to their own genitals and therefore, their own gender.  Knowing this, we should all be mindful of the language that the Gays use. Every version of the […]

by August 20, 2015 16 comments Homosexuals
Are You A Closet-Homosexual???

Are You A Closet-Homosexual???

  Have you ever heard the term “Closet Homosexual?” Do you know what it means? Back in a more civilized time, Americans did not openly discuss things, such as: masturbation, mixed-race children, women’s rights, genetically modified food, The Gay, or the Democratic Party. In those days, rather than openly discussing […]

by August 7, 2015 18 comments Etiquette
SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.). Various hidden pro masturbation messages have […]

by May 20, 2015 11 comments Big Masturbation, Press Release
Profile of Masturbation Music: Tool

Profile of Masturbation Music: Tool

Flock, I would like to bring to your attention the latest danger facing our precious youth: the masturbation band known as Tool.  Last week, while hosting my sister’s family at the compound campus in Safford, I noticed that my nineteen year-old nephew Jimmy was ignoring the Chick Tracts that I had […]

by April 25, 2015 20 comments Masturbation Music
Masturbation Residues Discovered on Royals Stadium Hot Dogs

Masturbation Residues Discovered on Royals Stadium Hot Dogs

BREAKING MASTURBATION NEWS!!! KANSAS CITY MO – League officials and Representatives of the Jackson County Board of Health are investigating claims that high concentrations of masturbation particulates were found on hot dogs sold by the Kauffman Stadium concession. Arrowmark Industries denies the charges that extensive amounts of semen microbes and […]

by April 22, 2015 4 comments Lifestyle, Sports
Solar flares joins the list of self rape excuses

Masturbator Caught! Blames Solar Flares!

NEWBERRY PALMS, CA – Earlier today, 15 year old Cindy Saccapelli committed the sin of masturbation at her Catholic place of learning. When first responding school officials questioned her, she claimed the stains on her cheerleader uniform were caused by solar flares. The cheerleaders of Our Lady of the Blessed […]

by September 11, 2014 3 comments Science
Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

SMN Labs-The newest threat from Big Masturbation is soon to become retail. A group of non-normal perverts in Tampa, FL have started “Glovin Life” to promote the sin delights females can acheive with a device named simply, ‘The Glov.” Ladies with carpel tunnel pain can now experience dip-diddlings and pounding […]

by August 12, 2014 12 comments Science
The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]

by July 30, 2014 23 comments Self-Rape Prevention
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