Sports

Masturbation Mystery Unraveled

Masturbation Mystery Unraveled

Ever wonder what the name of the sportswear company, ADIDAS, stood for? Wonder no more! STOP Masturbation NOW codebreakers have deciphered the seemingly nonsensical word and it appears that the slippery tentacles of Big Masturbation have found yet another way to subliminally influence society into thinking that masturbation is “hip” […]

by March 26, 2020 2 comments Big Masturbation, Morals, Sports
Saints Cut Seed Spiller C.J. Spiller

Saints Cut Seed Spiller C.J. Spiller

NEW ORLEANS, LA — “No hard feelings” is how C.J. Spiller sums up his time with the New Orleans Saints. In an concerted effort to both improve their moral image and save money at the same time, the team has cut ties with the running back on Monday. C.J. (which […]

by September 14, 2016 1 comment Sports
Nov 5, 2015; Columbia, MO, USA; EPSN analyst Tim Tebow looks on prior to the game between the Missouri Tigers and the Mississippi State Bulldogs at Faurot Field. Mandatory Credit: Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

How many Gold Medals Would Tim Tebow Win if he was at the Olympics?

Dear Lonnie, how many medals would Tim Tebow win if he was at the Olympics? Bart Tanner 13   Well Bart, the easy answer of course would be all of them. Laughing Out Loud! But seriously, it is a great question and involves a lot of thought. As a hypothetical […]

by August 9, 2016 8 comments Ask Lonnie, Rio 2016
Rio 2016 Medal Table By Race

Rio 2016 Medal Table By Race

[table id=4 /]   Continuing Rio 2016 Coverage

by August 8, 2016 4 comments Rio 2016
Rio 2016: Semen, Lesbians and Crocodiles, and All This Before Any Medals Have Been Won

Rio 2016: Semen, Lesbians and Crocodiles, and All This Before Any Medals Have Been Won

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Not a single Olympic medal has been awarded yet and already these Olympics have been an utter travesty. You would think these are the special Olympics but there is nothing special in Rio. Hundreds of athletes have reported semen stained bedding and in some cases semen caked on the […]

by August 5, 2016 10 comments Rio 2016
WNBA Season Comes to a Close

WNBA Season Comes to a Close

(StopMasturbationNOW)—This seasons WNBA season has come to a close. Sometime in the last couple of months the regular season ended and a champion was crowned we assume. The WNBA is a lot like the NBA except where in the NBA both genders are welcome the WNBA excludes men to give […]

by October 14, 2015 0 comments Sports
Women’s World Cup Soccer Players do Lesbian Sex Act on Field

Women’s World Cup Soccer Players do Lesbian Sex Act on Field

(StopmasturbationNOW)—This past Sunday was the finale of the 2015 Women’s Soccer World cup. A record number of people worldwide tuned in to watch Americans destroy the Chinese and once and for all get revenge for the cowardly Pearl Harbor attacks. Initially viewers were in for a treat as the United States jumped out […]

by July 7, 2015 9 comments Sports
Lonnie Childs Officially Declares Bruce Jenner Male… Pope to Follow Suit

Lonnie Childs Officially Declares Bruce Jenner Male… Pope to Follow Suit

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It’s funny how liberals always turn to science to disprove religion and conservative issues. From the scopes monkey trial to evolution, liberals trot out piece of scientific evidence after piece of scientific evidence. It’s funny how all that science goes away when it suits them. Despite everything about biology, liberals […]

by June 2, 2015 7 comments Sports
Sepp Blatter Resigns Amid Masturbation Scandal

Sepp Blatter Resigns Amid Masturbation Scandal

(StopMasturbationNOW)—FIFA president Sepp Blatter announced his resignation on Tuesday after a second scandal in less than a week rocked the world football’s governing body. Speaking at a news conference in Zurich, Blatter said he would remain in his position until a special election can be held to appoint his successor. Domenico […]

by June 2, 2015 1 comment Sports
Masturbation Residues Discovered on Royals Stadium Hot Dogs

Masturbation Residues Discovered on Royals Stadium Hot Dogs

BREAKING MASTURBATION NEWS!!! KANSAS CITY MO – League officials and Representatives of the Jackson County Board of Health are investigating claims that high concentrations of masturbation particulates were found on hot dogs sold by the Kauffman Stadium concession. Arrowmark Industries denies the charges that extensive amounts of semen microbes and […]

by April 22, 2015 4 comments Lifestyle, Sports
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