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Firefighters battle to stop fire from destroying the house of God.

Youth Pastor Announces that Masturbation is Healthy and Does Not Make You Gay, Church Burns to Ground

Cason, TX is a small community, barely on the map and tucked deep inside NE Texas among pine trees and red clay earth. Proud people live there – good people of God, quick to lend a hand when help is needed and slow to change as the world passes them […]

Harambe is Slang for Male Masturbation

Harambe is Slang for Male Masturbation

Dear Lonnie, My 13 Year-old son wants to buy a Harambe t shirt. I asked him what it meant and he had trouble explaining it to me. It sounds kind of ethnic? Can you provide any guidance? Patricia Hunt   Pat, Thank you for writing. You are right to worry. […]

by September 12, 2016 17 comments Ask Lonnie
Nov 5, 2015; Columbia, MO, USA; EPSN analyst Tim Tebow looks on prior to the game between the Missouri Tigers and the Mississippi State Bulldogs at Faurot Field. Mandatory Credit: Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

How many Gold Medals Would Tim Tebow Win if he was at the Olympics?

Dear Lonnie, how many medals would Tim Tebow win if he was at the Olympics? Bart Tanner 13   Well Bart, the easy answer of course would be all of them. Laughing Out Loud! But seriously, it is a great question and involves a lot of thought. As a hypothetical […]

by August 9, 2016 8 comments Ask Lonnie, Rio 2016
Is Your Daughter Paying for a Facial?

Is Your Daughter Paying for a Facial?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—This week we have a question from a loyal follower and father.   “Hi, my daughter just went away to college and I see that she has a weekly cash withdrawal out of her account every Friday for $40 cash. I asked her about it and she said it’s for […]

by October 13, 2015 19 comments Ask Lonnie
Should Sexy Education be Taught in Schools?

Should Sexy Education be Taught in Schools?

Loyal follower and staunch non-masturbator, Paul Stanley, asks: “Lonnie, should sex education be taught in public schools?” Thank you for the question, Paul. Obviously the answer is “no”. For the past few decades, publicly schooled American children have fallen far behind their dastardly Oriental counterparts in scholarly subjects such as […]

by October 11, 2015 4 comments Ask Lonnie
Masturbation Warning: Dear Abby

Masturbation Warning: Dear Abby

Jeanne Phillips, who writes the “Dear Abby” column, has come out as a self-rapist and proponent of the Satanic lifestyle as pushed on society by agents of Big Masturbation. In her latest column, Ms. Phillips comforted a despondent, guilt riddled masturbator, Her advice included the statement, “…masturbation is normal. It […]

Help: I Masturbated at a College Slumber Party

Help: I Masturbated at a College Slumber Party

Dear Lonnie: I have a question/confession I would like to reveal. I’m not sure how best to start so here it goes; my friends and I were having the usual college girl sleepover. A couple drinks into the sleepover somehow my friends and I started comparing breast size. Now, I […]

by May 21, 2015 15 comments Ask Lonnie
Do Masturbators go to Heaven?

Do Masturbators go to Heaven?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Dear Lonnie, I was wondering if masturbators were allowed into heaven? I’m not talking about people who have masturbated in the past but repented and are saved, I am asking about the ones who think self-rape is okay. Thank you, Chuck Powell   Chuck, Thanks for writing, no. Lonnie   […]

by March 13, 2015 31 comments Ask Lonnie
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