Sports

Tim Tebow Convicted of Murder

Tim Tebow Convicted of Murder

Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole.  Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all the facts are known.  In his statement Brother Lonnie cautioned against judging God’s favorite white […]

Ronda Rousey is no Mike Tyson

Ronda Rousey is no Mike Tyson

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Lately there have been a lot of camparisons drawn between Ronda Rousey and Mike Tyson. Ronda Rousey is the current  UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion where she is an undefeated 11-o. She wins most of her wins by submission and most fights have been finished within minutes.  Mike Tyson had a […]

by April 10, 2015 7 comments Sports, Uncategorized
Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Ty Cobb

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Ty Cobb

<STOP MASTURBATION NOW!> Born December 18, 1886 in Rural Georgia only one generation after the war between the states, Tyrus Raymond “Ty” Cobb became one of baseball’s greatest players and a pioneer in the struggle against masturbation. Cobb is credited with setting over 90 baseball records with a hard nosed […]

by March 25, 2015 3 comments Sports
Leader Lonnie So Far Perfect In March Madness Brackets

Leader Lonnie So Far Perfect In March Madness Brackets

(StopMasturbationNOW)–Our leader Lonnie Childs has so far perfectly predicted the NCAA basketball tournament. What make his picks unique is that he made his predictions before the NCAA selection committee even announced the brackets and seeding. When asked what his secret was Dr Lonnie Childs responded that he uses a formula […]

by March 21, 2015 1 comment Sports
Does Tim Tebow Make the Philadelphia Eagles Overwhelming Favorites to Win the Super Bowl?

Does Tim Tebow Make the Philadelphia Eagles Overwhelming Favorites to Win the Super Bowl?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—On Monday the greatest player in the history of football took the field once again. Tim Tebow worked out for the Philadelphia Eagles to showcase his abilities. The last team to workout Tebow, the Patriots, won the Super Bowl just last month. Tebow, who entered the NFL after a memorable […]

by March 17, 2015 1 comment Sports
Mitt Romney to Fight Evander Holyfield

Mitt Romney to Fight Evander Holyfield

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Mormons sure are a conundrum, we need their votes to help keep liberals in check, but their polygamy ways and weird beliefs conflict with the teachings of Lonnie. Probably the most famous Mormon of late is Mitt Romney, 2012 republican presidential nominee and former governor of Massachusetts. Well now Mitt […]

by March 17, 2015 1 comment Celebrity, Sports
WWE Releases Shameful Masturbation Fodder Video On YouTube

WWE Releases Shameful Masturbation Fodder Video On YouTube

World Wrestling Entertainment sunk to a new low this weekend when they released a three-minute, forty seconds long video titled “Royal Rumble Match: WWE Royal Rumble 2014”. While on the surface it may appear that this is just the sports entertainment contest named in the title, unfortunately, it is nothing […]

by February 21, 2015 3 comments Sports
Lonnie Childs Bowls Record 303 Game

Lonnie Childs Bowls Record 303 Game

(StopMasturbationNow)—Leader Lonnie Childs last night bowled a record 303 game of bowling. The previous record was 300 and was shared by many individuals. The miracle happened in the 5th frame when a mysterious 11th pin appeared.   Lonnie attributed his record to the preservation of bodily fluids through the abstinence […]

by February 20, 2015 11 comments Sports
Brother Lonnie Revokes Tiger Woods’ Normal Status

Brother Lonnie Revokes Tiger Woods’ Normal Status

According to Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, honorary Normal skinned golfing sensation Tiger Woods is once again black thanks to the recent scandal regarding his rampant masturbation and sleeping with over a dozen chubby white women with self esteem issues.  Tiger was made an honorary Normal due to his mastery of […]

by February 7, 2015 6 comments Sports
How to Keep Minorities from Ruining Your Super Bowl

How to Keep Minorities from Ruining Your Super Bowl

(StopMasturbationNow)—This Sunday is Super Bowl XLIX (49 for the uneducated). This year’s game pits Tom Brady and the New England Patriots against the defending Champion Seattle Mariners. The game will be broadcast live from University of Phoenix stadium in Phoenix AZ at 4:30 Mountain Standard Time. America loves football, and […]

by January 30, 2015 8 comments Sports
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