Sports

WSU Suffering from the Curse of Kellen

WSU Suffering from the Curse of Kellen

StopMasturbationNOW)—The Washington State Cougars headed into this season with dreams of getting to a bowl game and winning. Last year the cougars went to the New Mexico bowl and blew a large lead to lose to the Colorado State Rams 48-45. This year expectations were high under high priced coach […]

by September 9, 2014 1 comment Sports
Profiting off of Free Speech 101: The Atlanta Hawks

Profiting off of Free Speech 101: The Atlanta Hawks

(StopMasturbationNow)—Atlanta Hawks Owner Bruce Levenson announced this past weekend that he has put the team up for sale. This will be the third NBA team to be sold in 2014. Bruce Levinson is a fairly young man and has no need for money, why would he want to sell the […]

by September 8, 2014 0 comments Sports
NFL Player Antonio Brown takes out Masturbation Rage on Innocent Caucasian Player (photo proof)

NFL Player Antonio Brown takes out Masturbation Rage on Innocent Caucasian Player (photo proof)

(StopMasturbationNOW)—It is well proven that masturbation is a top ten cause of disease. One of those diseases is mental illness. Masturbation rage is a form of mental illness where one gets irrational, angry, violent, uppity or just plain old mouthy because of Masturbation. Pittsburg Steeler Antonio Brown today took his […]

by September 7, 2014 8 comments Foreigners, Sports
Staunch Anti-Masturbation Ally Turns Normal

Staunch Anti-Masturbation Ally Turns Normal

It’s easy to get discouraged in the fight against masturbation.  Big Masturbation and its allies for years have been undermining the moral fabric of this country through the schools, Hollywood, the LIEberal media and sports.  Today marks a turning point in our struggle. International black baseballing super star Sammy Sosa […]

Displaying perfect form, Brother Lonnie shoots another hole in one on a par 5.

Brother Lonnie Shatters Kim Jong-Il’s 18 Hole Golf Record

  In Brother Lonnie’s first and only round of golf, he has managed to shatter the 18 hole record of 34 set by North Korean dictator/professional athlete Kim Jong-Il back in 1994 which was also Kim’s one and only round of golf.   Kim Jong-Il’s 38 under par round included […]

Breaking News: UCLA Water Main Breaks Due to Over-Masturbation. Campus destroyed.

Breaking News: UCLA Water Main Breaks Due to Over-Masturbation. Campus destroyed.

  (Stop Masturbation NOW)— Westwood CA. Like a scene from the movie Waterworld. UCLA is no more. At 4pm today a main water main on Sunset Boulevard that flows through campus burst forth and completely flooded the UCLA campus. The massive geyser has been shooting skyward for upward of 90 […]

by July 29, 2014 6 comments Sports
NFL kicking sensation on short list of candidates for South Dakota's Council of Morality

Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota

As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie […]

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

La Falda, Argentina – Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo Lopez from the city of La Falda masturbated a […]

by July 21, 2014 15 comments Foreigners, Morals, Sports, World
Masturbation Injury Sidelines Baseball Star Molina

Masturbation Injury Sidelines Baseball Star Molina

SAINT LOUIS, MO — (SMNNN) Saint Louis Cardinals baseball star, Yadier Molina, will miss 8 to 12 weeks of action due to a severe injury to his hand. It has been determined that Molina has torn ligaments in his thumb and will likely need to have reconstructive surgery on his […]

by July 10, 2014 15 comments Sports
ESPN Starts Smut Magazine To Avoid Bankruptcy

ESPN Starts Smut Magazine To Avoid Bankruptcy

WEST SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN)   As the interest in professional sports continues to wane in the United States, ESPN has attempted to be proactive in their approach to avoid otherwise inevitable bankruptcy. Instead of trying to create interesting and provocative programming on their multiple television networks; ESPN has chosen […]

by July 9, 2014 7 comments Money, Morals, Sports, Trending
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