Crowds gather and celebrate in the city of La Falda as a new record for masturbation was announced today.
La Falda, Argentina – Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo Lopez from the city of La Falda masturbated a total of 83 times. This new feat breaks the previous record set by a Thailand man last year.
Lopez spoke to reporters about the difficulty in achieving the new record. “Growing up I would practice all the time and took it very seriously. I knew one day my hard work and dedication would pay off. Thank you to everyone who made this possible.” Many have speculated that Hugo went through a variety of different training methods to achieve this feat. Cheap phone sex was often a test of endurance for Hugo to help him masturbate more and more.
“Hugo would never leave his room,” Lopez’s mom Evita told CNN when asked about her son’s childhood. “He would just stay in his room for days at a time. We knew one day all that masturbation would pay off for him. He has made all his friends and family so proud.”
Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now does not agree that masturbation should be celebrated. “Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease,” Childs said. “Kids these days want to break records. They want to see how many Rubik’s cubes can be solved or how many times they can masturbate. It makes me sick. What they need is a good visit from Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, that would clear things up.” Childs continued, “God willing, one day masturbation will be illegal.”
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW are nonprofit organizations paid for by the Monsanto Company. Their main focus is educating children about the dangerous consequences of masturbation and the benefits of genetically modified foods. The previous masturbation record of 61 times in a 24-hour period was achieved by Santi Amranand of Pattaya, Thailand on June 16th, 2012.
Argentineans are just super Mexicans. This is the filth I expect from them.
YOU ARE RACIST. STOP. IT IS REVOLTING.
if anything, I would rather die than have my children come near you. You are filth.
Instead of pointing the finger at people and making unfounded accusations, why don’t you learn how to punctuate a sentence and properly operate the caps lock key?
The Mexicans of Argentina are particularly awful scoundrels. It’s a good thing they didn’t get their paws on those sheep in the Falklands.
Milton grits is mad because he wanted to fuck those sheep
that is a half truth.
Your a fucking half truth wowed crocked crab fucker faggot
the world cup should be banned.
WHAT?!!! THIS IS TOTALLY FAKE! SHE NEVER SAID THAT!!!! You just take advantage of your people’s ignorance towards Latin America and manipulate things. SHE NEVER SAID THAT!!!! Pure lies
Filthy perverted Argentinians. May they all choke on their own semen. Praise Jesus!
ann coulter warned us of this. the cult of football is a gateway drug to masturbation and hence, worldwide moral decay. Could you ever get a clearer picture of the negative effects of masturbation, than you see etched into the aboriginal features of maradona, lionel messi and Christian Ronaldo? these people are worshipped like kings down there below the partition wall. now this….Indians make me sad.:(
How ignorants you are! As an argentinian I tell you, that is a lie. Never happened, its a hoax that has been on internet for a long time, with different countries. Do you worship lies? Even the comments are racist! Why do you do this kind of things? Thats a shame, really.
***you’re***
I masturbate at least 100 times per day. That is because my wife Tanja is so ugly that I don’t want to fuck her.
This is thee best troll page I’v ever found