Celebrity / Lonnie Childs / Morals / Sports / Tina's Law

Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota

As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie to enforce the new legislature and to punish masturbaters, their allies and enablers. Punishment includes community service, fines, electrocution to the genitals, removal of hands and death.

Praise be to the people of South Dakota who made history and voted Tina’s Law into their Constitution. Brother Lonnie is currently making appointments for the South Dakota Council of Morality. Superstar place kicker, South Dakota native and staunch anti-masturbation warrior Adam Vinatieri is rumored to be a front runner for a Council appointment. “I made no apologies for kicking game winning field goals and I’ll make no apologies for kicking masturbaters into death camps either” said South Dakota’s favorite son.

Brother Lonnie is also training law enforcement on identifying and punishing suspects. Those who do not step forward and report masturbation in their communities are no better than the criminals themselves and are therefore not immune to prosecution. “I encourage all good and decent Christians to videotape suspected masturbaters and share the evidence with all their family, friends and co-workers before bringing it to law enforcement. It’s the only way they will learn and they will thank you for it”.

South Dakota governor Dennis Daugaard praised Brother Lonnie’s efforts in a statement after signing Tina’s Law. “Thanks to the tireless efforts of Brother Lonnie who I call pastor and friend, masturbation in South Dakota has met its match and we call on the rest of the states to protect the decent citizens of this great nation and don’t delay the passage of Tina’s Law. Let South Dakota lead the nation in this great endeavor. Not only are we punishing and putting away masturbaters for life but the majority of them seem to be black, Teepee Indian and Mexican so it’s what I call a win-win situation. God Bless Brother Lonnie, the great state of South Dakota and God bless America.”

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Faithgasming
Faithgasming
6 years ago

I’ve been video taping self rapers in the act for months. Think it’s time I send all my evidence to the authorities. Praise Lonnie

Zachary Battreall (@ThatMetalKid14)
Reply to  Faithgasming

quit recording porn

Faithgasming
Faithgasming
6 years ago

It is not porn, it is hardcore evidence of sin.

@ThatMetalKid14
6 years ago
Reply to  Faithgasming

you’re recording someone masturbating, that’s porn

Faithgasming
Faithgasming
6 years ago

You’re clearly a self raper so i wont bother with a rebuttal. Just know I am praying at you to change your ways.

@ThatMetalKid14
6 years ago

Don’t waste your time praying at me, it won’t work, I live a fuckin’ great life, and hang out with my family quite often (our favorite family activity is heavy metal concerts)

@ThatMetalKid14
6 years ago

And, if I look up “girl masturbating” on the internet, that isn’t looking up porn?

Jason long
Jason long
6 years ago
Reply to  Faithgasming

Recording someone masturbating is filming softcore porn. If the person being filmed is a minor it is child pornography.

Faithgasming
Faithgasming
6 years ago
Reply to  Jason long

You’re wrong, but the only minor i have recorded is my own son so it is not your so called “child pornography”.

steve shand
steve shand
6 years ago

I think the police should just shoot them on site!!! Praise!!!!

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

I will make sure I take my tourism dollars to the proud state of South Dakota!

I'lltouchit.
I'lltouchit.
6 years ago

I pray AT all the states where masturbation is still legal. Shame on you!

suckysuckyfivedolla
6 years ago

I have sinned with this toy created by the devil himself. I have been cursed by its pleasure. A pleasure I will continue to receive. http://24.media.tumblr.com/c4162bbb4a852661ca2681224242333a/tumblr_mgbpfiqO7D1r11w6oo1_500.jpg

Demon!Deany (@ArchDemonDean)

This doesn’t exist….Tina’s law in Maine, is for dating violence between two people. Tina’s law in SD? isn’t real unless you count tina m. hogue, a lawyer in Rapid City….

Zachary Battreall (@ThatMetalKid14)

666
666
6… 6… 6…

Jason long
Jason long
6 years ago

So if I finger bang my wife while she is jerking me off we go to jail?

Faithgasming
Faithgasming
6 years ago
Reply to  Jason long

No aslong as you have both consented to it, it’s not like doing it your self.

Derek
Derek
6 years ago

Are you fucking stupid! Its masturbation! ITS A NORMAL PART OF GROWING UP! their is no such thing as “self rape”! This site is a fucking joke!!!

Milton Grits
6 years ago
Reply to  Derek

Wrong Derwood. The joke is in your hand.

Harry stiphdich
Harry stiphdich
6 years ago

God made my arms long enough to play with my Weiner. God wants me to play with myself.

Dick Hardship
Dick Hardship
6 years ago

I’m wanking it right now, just so I can imagine all of you shedding a tear.
Also, wank it more often and y’all might be a lot less tense.

Jimmy
Jimmy
6 years ago

Carlos are you coming to the circle jerk this afternoon? Truffle said he’s going to and Milton Grits too! I’m trying to get Cathy to lay in the middle as our semen receptacle.

Jimmy
Jimmy
6 years ago

I can’t seem to get any response from Lonnie