Weather

Masturbation Rates Up In Areas Hit By Blizzard: What Can You Do To Stay Safe

(StopMasturbationNOW)— The great Blizzard of 2016 is rolling up the east coast and with it people are staying home to avoid the snow and bad roads. Unfortunately a consequence of this is people have much more free time and isolation which is a recipe for masturbation disaster.

untitled4In Baltimore alone masturbation rates are up almost 335%, in Philadelphia 280%, Long Island over 200%.

“The combination of the blizzard conditions combined with a weekend where people don’t have to work makes for a double threat” Says Lonnie Childs Founder and Leader of Stop Masturbation Now.

More than 60 million people were under blizzard, winter storm or freezing rain warnings as the storm’s effects stretched from Georgia to Massachusetts, according to Weather.com. Some 250,000 customers were without power as the storm roared up the East Coast, according to the Weather Channel.

New York City and Long Island banned travel Saturday, including all transit from New Jersey bridges and tunnels into and out of the city as a deadly snowstorm left major cities, roadways and airports along the East Coast largely immobilized.

9 ways to reduce your masturbation risk during the blizzard
untitled3Don’t be alone
Go outside
Do some winter related activities
Pray
Use masturbation prevention Devices
Stay busy
Smoke
Avoid tempting materials
Go to Church

 

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fokibora
fokibora
5 years ago

Smoke!?!? Very bad joke. I know people who died of lung cancer caused by smoking.
Do you seriously advice people to kill themselves?
You should be banned!
Here take a deep and long look:
http://i.skyrock.net/6937/85306937/pics/3116280943_1_3_mdgqFb4H.jpg

You are sick perverts!

augustweisz
Admin
5 years ago

Masturbation causes cancer, smoking does not.

pesti un cretin
pesti un cretin
4 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

you stupid motherfucker how can mastrubation cause cancer????

F this site
F this site
4 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

There are more than 43 known biologically carcinogenic chemicals in cigarettes. These include nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide, as well as formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic, and DDT.

you are all stupid
you are all stupid
5 years ago

Are you an actual idiot? Smoking is bad for you. Look it up! Search any RELIABLE source and it will tell you that masturbation is healthy and normal.

NamelessAndrew
NamelessAndrew
5 years ago

It’s a joke, you filthy masturbators.

saynotoself-rape
saynotoself-rape
5 years ago

Day 3 of the blizzard. I’ve been trapped in my house for so long. I’ve run out of food and i don’t know what to do anymore. A friend of mine once suggested, when trapped on an island, to eat his own sperm. It seems like the only viable option at the moment. BUT HOW?! how will i eat my own sperm without self-raping me? Im desperate, any suggestion is welcome. Anyone has experience with eating sperm??

Petros Michalakopoulos

hahaha

Filthy McNasty
5 years ago

You’re not really helping with the pictures.

MissG82
5 years ago

this whole website is a BIG joke.

The lamb of God
The lamb of God
5 years ago

How is rapeing yourself a joke?

John The Faptist
John The Faptist
4 years ago

It’s not rape if both participants give consent. Masturbation only involves one person, so only one person needs to give consent and if you are doing it, you are giving yourself consent.

Artyom M. Nikoleyhv
Artyom M. Nikoleyhv
5 years ago

You use a drill to breach your prostate, it will double as to make masturbation very painful, and you wont do it!

Papa Franku
Papa Franku
4 years ago

You are seriously promoting smoking!!!!. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! Now i may promote some pretty messed up stuff, like one time I spray painted my teeth white, ive eaten a cake made out of hair and vomit, ive even eaten actual fucking rats that i found in the street. But smoking, that causes cancer. Although alot of the stuff I do also causes cancer, hell even eating meat causes cancer, but you get my point. ITS TIME TO STOP!!!!!!!!!

PRAISE THE SPAGHETTI MONSTER
PRAISE THE SPAGHETTI MONSTER
4 years ago

I HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY HIS NOODLY APPENDAGE, JOIN IN WORSHIP OF THE TRUE GOD THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER.

:-)
:-)
4 years ago

I have to masturbate on this girls pictures now?

Jacked hugeman
Jacked hugeman
3 years ago

If jacking off creates blizzards, then I am going to keep doing it. My brother thrives In the cold so I must aid him!

Lloyd Nix
3 years ago

I am so masturbating to that girl.

VengeanceIsMine
VengeanceIsMine
3 years ago

Couldn’t help but notice that you’ve taken down the picture of David Hasselhoff. What’s the matter lying Lonnie? Been threatened with legal action have you? Hope he takes you for every penny you’ve got. And that your cock drops off from all the wanking that you do over DH’s picture