Hands-on Method to Detect Self-Rape

Hey there Normals of the faithful flock!  Do you fear handshakes in public because masturbators with their spooge-covered hands are all around us?  Are you tired of constantly doing moisture checks on your SRAS to make sure she’s not spelunking in her sin cave?  Worried that there might be MRFPs (Masturbation Residue Film Particles) invading the fine upholstery of your genuine 70s-era Davenport, endangering your children’s health and giving the family dog cancer?  Lesser-gendered females, do you worry that your SRAS might be roughing up the suspect with those never-ending “projects” he has in the garage?  Well, then, do I have something for you!  Introducing  Jank Stop™, the world’s first self-rape detecting nail polish.

The Faith Science approved additives in Jank Stop™ change color upon direct contact with MRFPs.  Developed by Thomas Kelly, head of Faith Science at BLUFF, and Justine Meadors, BLUFF Medical Director, Jank Stop™ is the most inconspicuous method of self-rape detection to date.  “We here at BLUFF know how hard it can be to remain safe in this filthy, masturbation-ridden world.  Even I get tempted sometimes—I mean, look at me, I’m gorgeous!” says Kelly.  “When Nurse Meadors and I heard about those college students who made the color-changing nail polish that detects date rape drugs, we thought, ‘Date rape? Everyone knows she was asking for it!  It’s self-rape that’s the real problem!’  We designed this holy nail polish in response to protect ourselves.  You can remain sin-free and look stylish at the same time!”

Jank Stop™ is currently available in ten neutral, non-whorish colors (for females) and translucent matte (for men*).

Here’s the translucent matte version of Jank Stop™ in action.

*No worries, gentlemen:  Jank Stop does not cause HomoGay™ AIDS Cancer, also known as hGAIDS.