Self-Rape Prevention

Masturbation Prevention

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 1 Corinthians 6:19 NAS

Today’s culture loves to promote the lie that we own our body and God is cool with us misusing it. However, in the Bible, God says our body is His temple and He’s not cool with us misusing it. Unfortunately, most people disobey God and trespass on and vandalize His temple by treating it like a carnival bumper car, recklessly crashing into things while laughing and hollering, “whoo-hoo!”

A carnival bumper car? That sounds extreme. Can you prove it?

To prove this point do an image/video Google search of the following: people laying in tanning beds, burning tattoos into skin, smoking cigarettes, self-cutting, binging and purging, jamming dirty needles into veins, engaging in premarital sex, doing bestiality, performing necrophilia, and hardcore masturbating. By viewing these pics/videos you’ll see that people actually do these things for fun. And as you might have guessed, God is not a fan of any of those behaviors and prefers you not do them.

Can’t I just do like two or three of those every now and then?

Sure. If you like, you can do them all – everyday. Of course, that decision would make God frown. But since He created us with free-will, you can do whatever you want. However, God dishes out severe consequences to those who do things He doesn’t like.

Why does God dislike those behaviors?  

God answers this question in 1 Corinthians 3:17 NIV, “If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.” As you can see, God doesn’t like those behaviors because they damage His temple, your body. Tanning beds cause peeling skin,  tattoos cause infection, cigarettes discolor teeth, binging and purging causes a sore throat, premarital sex spreads licebestiality spreads rabies, necrophilia spreads gastroenteritis, and masturbation causes the following (according to research done by Christian Courtship):

Masturbation effects list

A Few of the Many Effects of Masturbation on the Body (according to research done by Christian Courtship)

This study along with personal experience proves masturbation is a direct attack on God’s temple. And since God says He’ll destroy those who harm His temple (your body), it’s important to not masturbate.

But how do I not masturbate?

It’s impossible to prevent any harmful behavior without guidelines. For instance, before speed limits were imposed, the number one killer was high speed car crashes. To solve this problem the police invented speed limit signs. Within years, the vehicle fatality rate dropped to 9th place. However, the government refuses to enforce laws to prevent masturbation. So, if you want to obey God by respecting His temple then you must impose the guidelines.

What do you mean by guidelines? 

Over the years, my mom and I discovered guidelines, which, if followed, guarantee you a life free of masturbation. We’ve saved you the hard work so there’s no need to reinvent the wheel. So if you’re thinking, You know what? I want to obey God by respecting His temple. Plus, I don’t want insomnia or rheumatism or fluid retention or any of the other consequences God gives to masturbators. If that’s you, then adhere to the following guidelines:

(I created the left column, my mom created the middle column, and together we created the right column)

(Print a copy to tape on your bathroom mirror and a copy to store in your wallet or purse)

Well, that seems easy enough. Can I start tomorrow?

Procrastination is Satan’s favorite tool. So, I suggest you immediately print out and enforce the guidelines.

But what if my printer is broken?

If that’s the case, email the table to a friend/relative/coworker and ask them to print it then you can drive over and pick it up.

That’s a great idea! I’ll do that.

Excellent. And please email me your testimony and tell me how abstaining from yourself has changed your life. In the meantime, check out the video (below) by my buddy, Big Tony – he plays the hardcore anti-masturbation song, “The Big M” by the Christian punk band, Lust Control.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtSYOvotta8]

 

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A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

2 things:
1. I’ve masturbated for years and never had any side effects
2. Why do you believe in the Bible. It’s the 21st century. You don’t need a 2000 year old books for answers.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

Ok, masturbation has only good effects, no bad ones and is perfectly healthy. I’m married, my wife would’ve said something if I had any of these “side effects”. Also, I’m not crying for help, and I didn’t go Black Friday shopping, I detest it. My nephew was trampled to death 2 1/2 years ago when he was working at target, he was only 19.

saveportlandfromhell
saveportlandfromhell
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

A Smart Guy [does not masturbate], You made some interesting (and alarming) comments and I’ll address them but first I want to say one quick thing. I’m very passionate about masturbation prevention because I’ve seen masturbation destroy lives. For instance, my friend, Stuart began masturbating when he was 19. Before this he was a normal, happy kid with friends, a good job at the local ice cream parlor and healthy hobbies like tossing a ball back and forth with a friend. Everyone liked him because he was nice, happy and he gave out free ice cream. But then one day… Read more »

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

No I don’t go at all. And masturbation is perfectly healthy. I’ve taken courses in biology in high school, and my wife (used to be) a doctor. She can confirm it, she took human anatomy classes in college.

Faith_Mockbot_1.0
Faith_Mockbot_1.0
6 years ago

I’m a dumbass

Faith_Mockbot_1.1
6 years ago

Fake, resistance is futile!

Faith_Mockbot_1.1
Faith_Mockbot_1.1
6 years ago

STUPIDITY SHIELD! ACTIVATE!

Faith_Mockbot_1.0
6 years ago

Prepare to be mocked, your technology is inferior. PRAISE!

Faith_Mockbot_1.0
6 years ago

Praise mode ACTIVATED.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

Wait Mockbot, you’re arguing between yourself?

sawed off shotgun
sawed off shotgun
6 years ago

God is an illusion invented to cause believers to become so annoying that get their brains blown out by people who know better.

Bobbies
6 years ago

I think the funniest thing I have read today was ” I have seen masturbation ruin lives.” And I read the bible today, some really funny stuff in there. Note I also really like the video you guys provided had a very red neck looking guy with a CONFEDERATE FLAG in the background. I guess it is cool to know a Christian site uses a persons video who supports a flag that was a symbol supporting slavery.

saveportlandfromhell
saveportlandfromhell
6 years ago
Reply to  Bobbies

Bobbies, Your first statement really scares me. To help you understand the severity or your comment let’s do a little experiment. Lets replace the word, masturbation, with other equally destructive behaviors. Hopefully, this gets you to think a little bit. I think the funniest thing I have read today was “I have seen texting and driving ruin lives” I think the funniest thing I have read today was “I have seen marijuana ruin lives” I think the funniest thing I have read today was “I have seen ouija boards ruin lives” I think the funniest thing I have read today… Read more »

Darkblitzfrenzy
Darkblitzfrenzy
6 years ago

You know whats the funniest thing I’ve read today was Jake? Masturbation is dangerous.
I also find it funny how much effort you put in to your trolling

Bradley
Bradley
6 years ago

Your idiots, God says don’t lie or judge yet that’s what your doing. God also gave us free will yet you try to take it away. I can’t scratch my testicles for more the 2 seconds or I’m harming God’s temple. Your fanatics I’ve masturbated for over ten years, I’ve done it with other people, yet my sex drive is high, strong erections, and I can’t see how the he’ll does touching myself cause cancer. Who ever made this site is a complete fool, for instance if a person feels the need for a release is it better to touch… Read more »

saveportlandfromhell
saveportlandfromhell
6 years ago
Reply to  Bradley

Bradley, Thank you for taking the time to read my post, Masturbation Prevention. And although, I appreciate your brutal honesty, I was shocked by the content. It’s obvious there are some major issues which need to be addressed. And since others can see in us what we can’t see in ourselves, I’ll hold up a mirror, with the hope that you’ll see your reflection clearly. 1. You have been sexually assaulting yourself for “over ten years” 2. You masturbate with groups of people 3. Your sex drive is sky “high” 4. Your erections are so “strong” 5. You believe your… Read more »

Lee
Lee
6 years ago

Wow, you seem to have a few friends with some bad habits, they seem like losers.
Perhaps if you get your head out of your bible you may realise you Arendt like them.

robert gilles
robert gilles
6 years ago

masturbation supports your ego;which is the cause of all human misery;and anything that supports your ego must be stopped

Savannah
Savannah
5 years ago

this website is so fucking hilaarious

The Devil
The Devil
4 years ago

Ok here’s the deal bro, God gave us a free will to do whatever we want. So don’t bother these people and leave them to suffer the eternal pain of hell. Their level of ignorance is too high.

P.S. I only did this to stop the argument and I don’t believe in all this stuff. I am a literary skills teacher so I do know a thing or two about persuading.

Hector Berlioz
Hector Berlioz
3 years ago

You’re a very smart person, a great writer, way appart from the shamy standards of the newspapers. But there is only one problem with your article, you asume there is a god called Yahweh, that’s wrong, the only god is The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

God bless you
Yours
Virtuoso