Post Tagged with: "Anti-Masturbation"

A female masturbator in the throes of self-rape.

Is Masturbation Rape?

In civilized society of old, masturbators were ridiculed and looked down upon. People saw masturbation as a pox and something that caused blindness, fishy smelling fingers, and hairy palms. However, Satan has been hard at work in changing the mind of man. Recently, masturbation has been labeled “okay”, “cool” and […]

by March 25, 2020 15 comments Morals, Science
Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

By Nigel J. Covington III Sex Expert October 17, 2018 Dear Nigel, I walked in on my daughter when she was masturbating the other day. I was shocked, but I said nothing — I simply left the room. I have not discussed this with her or with my wife since. […]

Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

Trump to Impose Masturbation Ban

President Trump confirms he is about to authorize a “ban” on masturbators migration, new restrictions on entry from countries with a history of masturbation. “It’s countries that have tremendous self-rape,” Trump told SMN News in his first Skype interview as president. “And it’s countries that people are going to cum […]

by February 5, 2017 8 comments Politics
B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the most important reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities […]

by November 21, 2016 14 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Lonnie Childs Succeeds In Getting Iggy Azalea Tour Canceled

Lonnie Childs Succeeds In Getting Iggy Azalea Tour Canceled

Lonnie Childs has done it again! Word has come down from Iggy Azalea’s management that her ‘Great Escape’ tour has been officially canceled. The alleged rapper, Azalea, has long been considered a tool of the entertainment division of Big Masturbation. “Big Masturbation has used pop stars and singers as means […]

by May 30, 2015 5 comments Lonnie Childs
STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket® Successfully Deployed At Arizona Juvenile Detention Center

STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket® Successfully Deployed At Arizona Juvenile Detention Center

Lonnie Childs received great news over the weekend when the Graham County Juvenile Detention Center in Safford, Arizona delivered the results of a three-month study on the effectiveness of the Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®. According to spokesman Dennis E. Cross of the GCJDC, “We found Mr. Childs’s jackets were of great benefit to […]

by May 11, 2015 33 comments Lonnie Childs
Rap Music Producer Blockhead Refuses To Masturbate In Hotel Room

Rap Music Producer Blockhead Refuses To Masturbate In Hotel Room

Brother Lonnie Childs has been working closely with a handful of small hotels across the United States on a mission to make hotel rooms less enticing to the common masturbator. Brother Lonnie started small with lower budget hotels, the likes of which tend to attract small business travelers and touring […]

by April 15, 2015 8 comments Family Values
Lonnie Childs Demands Mandatory Penile Monitoring For All Masturbators

Lonnie Childs Demands Mandatory Penile Monitoring For All Masturbators

We at Stop Masturbation Now have been following the progress of Tina’s Law as it spreads across the United States. Brother Lonnie Childs, in His infinite wisdom, has made “penile monitoring” mandatory for all convicted and suspected male violators of the groundbreaking Anti-Masturbation law. Penile monitoring or, penile plethysmography, is […]

by April 10, 2015 7 comments Self-Rape Prevention
(image source: By pinguino k (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

Angelina Jolie Continues Anti-Masturbation Crusade; Has Ovaries Removed

Angelina Jolie is a rare breed of modern celebrity. Beginning with her double mastectomy in 2013, Jolie has been determined to make sure no filthy men and women will masturbate to her ever again. The mainstream press attempted to spin Jolie’s mastectomy surgery as a “preventative measure” to “lower her […]

by March 24, 2015 7 comments Celebrity
George Costanza (l) and Jerry Seinfeld (r) (image source: public domain)

Great Moments In Anti-Masturbation History: Seinfeld

Midway through its fourth season, popular NBC sitcom, ‘Seinfeld’, featured an episode called “The Contest” where the main characters all decided to see which one could refrain from masturbation the longest. At first the network was not pleased that the writers of the show had such a vulgar theme for […]

by March 23, 2015 3 comments Celebrity
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