Have you ever caught your own child wrestling Satan’s grasp on their genitals? Have you come home to a moaning spouse, watching an episode of “Three’s Company?” What do you do in this situation? Sure you may spank the gay out of your kids, or discipline your spouse with a rolled-up newspaper. You may even commit an honor-killing. But what about afterwards? What about helping your loved one to maintain their self-purity?
This is when we must look to God. What has God given us, in this time of need? Cold water is that gift! As it is with all of God’s Gifts, cold water is: inexpensive (usually free), easy to use, and will not cause permanent harm. Even poor people usually have cold water to use. If a shower is unavailable, a glass of iced water poured directly on the sin zone can have the same affect as a 20-minute cold shower.
Pumice stones are natural and not the product of the greedy masturbation companies
If you choose to amplify the effects of the cold shower, force your child or spouse to scrub their sin-zones with a pumice stone and apply a strong anti-bacterial soap. A pure soul will not mind this, but the devil may experience a “stinging” or “painful” sensation when the soap is applied.
In addition to a pure family, you will also save on your gas and electrical bill. This is God’s way of smiling down upon you, during bill pay.
Liam, I’d like to give you a degree from my non-accredited faith-based college, FAHQ. I think that you should major in blowing me with a minor in seminal food preparation!
Praise
Jimmy, why do you want my semen in your food?
Liam, haven’t you read the rest of my posts? I want to have a circle jerk with you, lonnie, and the rest of the boys where we stroke each other’s sin sticks and blow our first load. Cathy REDMOUND will clean up the semen and truffle will revive our penises and prepare us for a night of anal exploration. I think that if you attended my non-accredited faith based college program that you could prepare all sorts of delicious party snacks. Just think of the possibilities frozen cumsicles and the like and who doesn’t enjoy a nice warm cup-o-jism soup… Read more »
Jimmy, why do you want to engage in sexual acts with: myself, Lonnie and Cathy so badly? Couldn’t you find what you are looking for at a Homogay Bar, or a public bathroom?
Thank you so much for these insightful comments, they have made me aware how much of an issue self-rape is. Wish there were more people like you when I was around, spreading the one through religion, god bless.
If you don’t stop your kids and your spouse from masturbating, you will end up with a degenerate like Jummy for a son or husband. It’s important to stop it before it is too late.
Liam, my name is Jimmy. It’s okay i understand you might still be a little groggy after the festivities at the circle jerk last night. I have never seen one man gulp so much semen in one sitting. Bravo! You are going to challenge cathy REDMOUND for her spot as clean up bitch at these circle jerks. I’ll have your hat dry cleaned and I’ll have it back to you before our big fourth of July reenactment of broke back mountain.
Praise
I sure hope they can get all of the semen, blood and poop stains out…
Jimmy, it looks like you want to join us so badly that you are fantasizing about spending time with us. Why not just stop masturbating and come join us, in the real world? It won’t be anything like you imagine, but at least you won’t have to imagine or make things up.
This isn’t a real group of people that believe this is it? This has to be some kind of joke.
Angela:
Saddly enough, I’m afraid that masturbation is real. It erodes your mind and destroys your morals. Take Jimmy as an example. He started as a Masturbator and now he is some sort of hallucinating homogay.
Liam I appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule touring with Motorhead to post this valuable information! Thank you!
Funny, that’s what me and the boys call him at our circle jerks. “Motorhead”! He’s such a cutie when he takes his hat off to suckle on a sin stick…dreamy…
Praise
this has to be a joke
Can I cumb (pun intended) to your next beautiful surkle jerk jimmy you can lick the sweet juzum from my triple aids infested taint u sexy homogay
Fucking kill yourselves
Nobody gets killed from “fucking,” as you put it.
acs, read my posts more carefully. Cathy REDMOUND is the clean up bitch. And liam, you do look a little like Lemmy from motorhead and you should embrace the fact that all of the boys call you motorhead. Own it don’t try and hide from it sweetie
Praise
holy shit you are a dumbass. a pumice stone is made for rubbing off skin, like on the bottom of your feet where you get callices and stuff. if you put that on someones fucking genitals and force them to apply anti-bacterial soap, it won’t matter what kind of person is doing it, It will fuck up your genitals and make intercourse at any level painful.
Judging from your name, you must be a rapper. Anyways, I appreciate your concern. If you use a pummace stone while your sin-stick is erect, you will open-up your skin’s pores to God’s wrath. If your sin-stick is flaccid, like it should be when you handle it, the pummace stone will not have the affect you think it will.
-God Bless
What a great article. Also helpful is the garden hose in the back yard. It ad the public shame element which can be a strong deterrent.
August, another strong deterrent is the circle jerk that Lemmy, i mean liam, lonnie childs, and the rest of the boys and I have each week where we touch each other’s sin sticks so that we can avoid self rape. Then, after cathy REDMOUD cleans up and truffle revives our penises we get down to some serious anal exploration, what a great way to keep our minds off of masturbation!
Praise
Lemmy, I mean liam, did the dry cleaners deliver your hat to you? I don’t know if that little white residue is ever going to be completely removed, but hey, everyone that knows you is going to know that it just the remnants of one of my monster ejaculations that not even the queen cleaner cathy REDMOUND could remove. Anyways, i just wanted to drop you a line to make sure that you got your hat back and hey, maybe you should take it off before you give me fellatio next time. See you at the circle jerk this weekend… Read more »
Jimmy, I’ve offered you a real invitation to visit us in-person as a way to escape the delusional world of self-rape that you are currently in. Yet you continue to comment as if you are a special needs type of person. Are you currently incarcerated and unable to visit us in person?
Oops, where’s my grammar…*it is just the remnants…
Lemmy (liam) stop hiding and acting like we don’t know who you really are. You can wear your cowboy hat and grow your mustache all you want but we all know that you’re just playing RUMP RANGER dress up games! Now take off the hat before it gets dirty again and you ought to try shaving because i don’t like the way your mustache feels when you are suckling my sin stick. Now come on over and suckle your pacifier (my sin stick) and you’ll fall right asleep. I’ll try and be gentle when i explore your sin cave and… Read more »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVuVHgy-Arg What I feel about you jerk-offs. I don’t want to be hostile. I don’t want to be dismal. But I don’t want to rot in an apathetic existance either. See I want to believe you, and I want to trust and I want to have faith to put away the dagger. But you lie, cheat, and steal. And yet I tolerate you. Veil of virtue hung to hide your method while I smile and laugh and dance and sing your praise and glory. Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma as I smile and laugh and dance and… Read more »