Big Masturbation / Family Values / Science

“Scientific Study” Requires Men to Masturbate to Pornography

A “friend” shared a completely disgusting article the other day that claimed a “scientific study” recently found that men ejaculate larger amounts of sperm when they’re with, what they called, “novel” women. I was initially suspicious of this posting, so I read further and realized that this was not a study conducted by faith scientists to help pure, normal men procreate with multiple women.

No, of course not.

This “scientific study” came to its conclusions by way of requiring the men involved to masturbate to pornography. Not only just garden variety masturbation, but multiple incidents of masturbation focused on a specific pornographic “actress”. The “scientists” then measured the amount of sin seed the men produced doing the Devil’s Deed. After obtaining those figures, the “scientists” then exposed the masturbators to a brand new pornographic “actress”. The self-raping men, by in large, produced a “larger volume of semen”, the seed involved was “more motile”, and the masturbators achieved their shameful climax “more quickly”.

The sad thing, is that these “scientists” thought they were coming to a novel conclusion with their “study”. Their findings “suggest that human males ejaculate more quickly and invest more in ejaculates with novel females”.  I hate to break it to these people but, it has been common knowledge within the faith science community for some time that men who procreate with their newly assigned spouses contribute more impressive amounts of faith seed and tend to immediately impregnate the spouse; as is Brother Lonnie’s plan. These “scientists” could learn a thing or two from the Faith Facts that Brother Lonnie discovered decades ago about procreation with multiple partners to achieve total genetic purity.

The unblinking eyes of Big Masturbation are peering into your soul. Do not give in.

The unblinking eyes of Big Masturbation are peering into your soul. Do not give in.

Considering this knowledge is anything but “new”, one then has to wonder why “scientists” were coercing these young men to commit self-rape. One theory is that it just another way to entice easily swayed young men on to the dark path of masturbation. Another theory is that this is just yet another “Big Masturbation” front and the dark, shady forces involved were collecting sperm. Why would they collect sperm? In order to build a clone army which would aid Obama and the masturbating liberals in taking over the United States by sheer numbers alone.

I believe both are possible and that this “study” could have been a two-pronged assault against the good people of this nation that value family and decency.

Needless to say, I immediately blocked the “friend” that shared the article championing this groundbreaking “scientific discovery”. I appreciate it when liberal scum like this individual accidentally out themselves.

0 0 vote
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
43 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Pekoe Baggins
Pekoe Baggins
5 years ago

I am proud to say that I have never wasted a single drop of semen. My parents were faithful enough to lock my sin stick in a chastity device until I found the perfect midwife. Every temptation to commit the sin deed has been done with with my submissive wife-servant, to create a noble soldier for Christ. If I’m lucky enough to have a boy (the superior gender), I already have his gear prepared; a blessed +1 long sword of homosexual slaying, a blessed +1 tower shield of tax evasion, a blessed +1 girdle of defense against anal penetration (also… Read more »

hugh mungus
4 years ago
Reply to  Pekoe Baggins

mad respect bro

Alex
Alex
5 years ago

Ok I still have not gotten answers, getting desperate over here.

I find this very funny, correct me if I’m wrong, Christianity shames homosexuals and masturbaters. Also sex before marriage is wrong, then why am I shamed.

I am an asexual (I find myself not being attracted to any gender), a virgin and I don’t masturbate.

Why do you shame me?

Alex
Alex
5 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Ahem. Alex is a Gender Neutral name. As I do not possess a penis I’d say I’m not a man.

Alex
Alex
5 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

That in my Christian community I came out as asexual. And was thrown out. Sick of not getting answers.

Nips Comeoff
Nips Comeoff
4 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Weird that they do that.
Fun fact: this website is a parody.
Here are some words of encouragement to deal with your situation.

https://i.reddituploads.com/f848b0db3f7946ffac03702222414438?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=5476bf3bb5e917c4f3385f6a1896fb63

http://rackjite.com/wp-content/uploads/rr22314gg.jpg

Don’t worry, it isn’t some porn with malaware.

Chad Jensen
4 years ago
Reply to  Alex

It’s called a masterbator. Or a masterbatee. Stop being so masterbatish.

Tim
Tim
5 years ago

I will bet all my stored sin seeds that he thinks that you too did “out” yourself, by deleting him from your friendlist.

I get your point. I just don’t agree.

Mme
Mme
5 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

A lot of hate and lies being thrown around here. God blessed me with life and vitality. I don’t understand. How is masturbating wrong? Wrong to whom?

AlcoholicSemenThrower
AlcoholicSemenThrower
5 years ago

Is this a joke? I really hope so. You obviously have no understanding of science if it isn’t one… Either way, it’s funny.

Arend
Arend
5 years ago

This website is awesome, in the past whenever I felt dumb, I thought about the sloth grabbing his own arms thinking it are branches of a tree, but now I have got this epic website. Love it, simply love it.

Rory
Rory
5 years ago

I like how it says “Scientists” and “study”, not to be rude but just because it goes against what you guys on here personally believe doesn’t devalue it of being a scientific study.

Dolphlungdren
Dolphlungdren
5 years ago

Is this website serious or satirical? I honestly can’t tell.

Jezebel
Jezebel
4 years ago
Reply to  Dolphlungdren

Did you find out? I need to know…. For I believe I may have sinned, haha

Fuck you
Fuck you
5 years ago

I fapped to this
Get rekt
You are not even worthy of the title of ultimate noob
So die in a fire
You should watch my little droplets of cum spew out
While I watch porn
And fantasize
And fap
fap
fap
fap

Dave
Dave
4 years ago

I wouldn’t mind filling up that woman in the pic with my sin seed :)-

LUCIFER CUNT 666
LUCIFER CUNT 666
4 years ago
Reply to  Dave

I AM A WOMAN WHO LIKES FUCKING OTHER WOMEN HAIL SATAN 666

Pax Humana
4 years ago

This website is so fake that Barbie is jealous.

Jerky Mcfapperton
Jerky Mcfapperton
4 years ago

Cathy Redmond is a dumb cunt, she is weak and she will soon smoke a blunt

York Litshard
York Litshard
4 years ago

Why is it only men in this sinful study? Brothers and sisters, we need to spread the sin around! If some women are in the study, rubbing one out while the men drub their dirty dingers, Jeasus will make us more aware of our sin, and convict our hearts while we’re busting a nut (or ovary).

shsl britney
4 years ago

i masturbated to this post

weedman
weedman
4 years ago

i stumbled across this while smoking marijuana and masturbating and now i’ve seen the errors of my way. thank you.

Azazael
Azazael
4 years ago

you guys are fucked up like just jerk it seriously. I don’t care if you guys are spiritual or whatever, but if you think that any cosmic being would give any more than 2 shits about your meat stick/wallet you’re nuts. Like this whole page is societal cancer! “Masturbation causes 400% increase in natural disasters” “Global warming proven wrong”, this page is filled with dark age minds! Give me a break! Live your life the way you want to, and don’t let some book written by 2000 year old geriatric fucks dictate yourself.

Juju
Juju
4 years ago
Reply to  Azazael

I am praying at you. May God bless your masturhater soul.

Nips Comeoff
Nips Comeoff
4 years ago
Reply to  Azazael

The website is a parody thing.
Here are some words of “encouragement”

https://i.reddituploads.com/f848b0db3f7946ffac03702222414438?fit=max&h=1536&w=1536&s=5476bf3bb5e917c4f3385f6a1896fb63

http://rackjite.com/wp-content/uploads/rr22314gg.jpg

No, it isn’t porn that carries a virus, just something to laugh at 🙂

James
James
4 years ago

I would fuck Cathy Redmond and fill her mouth and pussy and ass with my seed at any time of any day

David Burns
David Burns
4 years ago

Hi Alex. I’m sorry your community is intolerant. This is a satirical website, though, and mocks those who would judge you. I hope you’ve found a way to be happy.

Jimmy
Jimmy
4 years ago

I want to defile cathy REDMOUND! I would wreck her asshole. I only fuck a woman’s pussy when she’s been good. Women are here for my pleasure!

lezbieen
lezbieen
4 years ago

I am laughing so hard at this site

Chicken
Chicken
4 years ago

Ohhh Rosa Mendes, so hot! Here I go again! Wankwankwank!

Master. Baiter
Master. Baiter
4 years ago

I’m confused. Is this a troll site or do people actually believe this? If the latter, knock yourselves out, who am I to judge. But really… Is this actually real??
Also, ‘why’ ‘all’ ‘the’ ‘quotations’? Does scripture forbid proper grammar as well?

Sticky Bunns
Sticky Bunns
4 years ago

OH NO, I just got hot sticky pray all over me…

Jesus
Jesus
4 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Really? Sin stick? Sin seed? Devil’s deed? Where do you get this stuff from? I’m off for a quick shifty perving over a pic of the virgin Mary!

Jack Meholf
Jack Meholf
4 years ago

Pornhub.com

Masturbating right now
Masturbating right now
4 years ago

I’m going to dump a steamy load of jizz all over Cathy redmonds tight little virgin pussy after I masturbate to the virgin marry on the front steps of the Vatican

Penile possession is the real cause
Penile possession is the real cause
4 years ago

I have a demon in my penis and it just never stops. I would like to request an exorcism with a female pastor.

assfuk
assfuk
4 years ago

I love how in the trusted sources fox news is listed as one. Its a joke everyone it has to be. Right??

Lesbian That Loves To Fuck Herself
Lesbian That Loves To Fuck Herself
4 years ago

“Sin Seed” Oh my cod this site is a joke. Masturbate and you’ll feel better 😉

Hobo Joe
Hobo Joe
3 years ago

The top picture was so hot I ejaculated when I saw it