TORNADOES Strike Masturbation Belt



(StopMasturbationNow) — A self-rape induced outbreak of EF5 tornadoes swept across the Masturbation Belt this Sunday, June 8, 2014. The damage left by this rash of twisters has been described by local authorities as catastrophic, crippling, savage, and atheist. Over  275 lives were lost and over 3.1 million people are said to be suffering from indian burn-like abrasions to their genitalia and palms.
The American Red Cross has reached out to President Obama for emergency relief. That request was promptly denied stating, “FEMA is reserved for acts of God, not terrorism. If the south is committing self-rape at such alarming levels as to cause statewide damage, then they should be prepared to face the stern consequences.”

SMN News Faith Based Weather Report

SMN News Celebrity Outreach Fundraiser

It is rumoured that Bono, lead singer of U2 will hold a charity concert in Keokuk Iowa. When asked why he chose Iowa instead of the location of this disaster Bono replied, “The people of Keokuk are strong, resilient buyers, traders and swappers. Who better to raise the funds needed to send aid?”.
STOP Masturbation NOW- Meteorologist Christina McIerncock Rubright

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Cathy Redmond
7 years ago

I’m glad I don’t live in the Masturbation Belt. I’m praying for any normals caught up in the chaos.

7 years ago

This wouldn’t happen if we had a better president.

7 years ago

they eat too much lard down there, which leads to lardasses, which they sit on, forming a lap, which is the devil’s playground. praise the lard. also that’s why they’re called Faptists.