History / Lifestyle / Supernatural Disaster

B.L.U.F.F. Libary Re-Opens, Receives New Tank

Safford AZ-(SMNNN)

B.L.U.F.F. library officially re-open, under great ceremony, last evening. The library, having been destroyed in a raging spontaneous fire that had nothing to do with any wizards whatsoever, has been newly renovated, and re-supplied to the fullest capacity.

The B.L.U.F.F library now contains every imaginable type of projectile weapon, and complete store of ammunition for all of them, calculated to allow a resistance force of 500 men to maintain a 175 day stand-off. The library was also awarded a brand-new Abrams M-1 fast-attack tank.

These and more upgrades, including 24″ thick Lexan ™ windows and a halon gas fire extinguishing system, are but a few of the massive improvements to the library’s formidable defensive properties, most of which B.L.U.F.F. refuses to disclose.

The library, unfortunately no longer contains any books or written materials, as the “peace weapons” require a massive amount of space. B.L.U.F.F students and residents are encouraged to withdraw up to seven peace weapons and full capacity of ammunition at a time.

Miss Thomas, former trucker, and bootlegger, and now a Saved Lesser Gendered Normal, has been appointed the new Warden of the library.

Miss Thomas, former trucker, and bootlegger, and now a Saved Lesser Gendered Normal, has been appointed the new Warden of the library.

The previous librarian, whose name escapes us, as she was an unworthy unchosen, and probable arsonist, will not be returning to the library. Instead, Brother Lonnie personally assigned Converted and Newly-Saved LGN (lesser gendered Normal) Shelly Thomas as Warden of The Library.  Said Miss Thomas, ” @#$&%, I’m happy as $%^& to be the @^&%ing Warden! Yeah, I’ve read books and #$%^, but this @#%^ is like OFFICIAL as  ^%$#! Thanks Brother Lonnie, I promise I will be the best !@#$%^@#$%ing Warden ever! @#$%ing Praise! “

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
10 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Lonnie Childs
Admin
7 years ago

Doubtful that any masturbator or federal agency will be trying to snoop around the compound anytime soon after reading this.

Howard DeMarco
Howard DeMarco
7 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Bless you, Brother Lonnie! Be sure to itemize it on the taxes; it qualifies as defencse the zombie apocalypse.

Howard Demarco
Howard Demarco
7 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

If we had a stronger president than Barack Obama, the library would have received a B2 bomber instead of a tank. Lonnie would look sharp taking tax-deductible business trips in a B2!

scooter mcshooter
scooter mcshooter
7 years ago

A couple of fighter jets would level the shit hole in seconds. END OF STORY!!

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago

This is the type of library that will teach my generations to come.

Praise.

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

*many generations

Dark Mercenary
7 years ago

Oh brother Lonnie I’m sorry it has been a few days. I humbly apologize for the disgusting things I say. I had the best weekend at campound stockade camp with sister Cathy and Fluffle… I was reprogrammed, and I now see the error of my ways! I prayed to Jesus that I may be forgiven for my trespasses against Normalskind. I beg the lords that I may be saved, and know the true love of Faith. Cathy, fluffle and I would pray that I was not condemned to Hells. Pray for my soul, Lonnie, for it appears I have forsaken… Read more »

Dark Mercenary
7 years ago

Let us all pray for forgiveness! Great is SMN Ministries and Lonnie Childs!

Truffle
7 years ago

I didn’t care much for the old LIEbrary, but I am pleased it has re-opened and filled to the rafters with weapons.

Praise!

scooter mcshooter
scooter mcshooter
7 years ago

Praise all saved Normals!