Morals

“It’s As If A Giant Weight Has Been Lifted From My Heart.”

Safford, AZ –  Jacob Reznor and Anthony Steward, two members of the BLUFF community, returned home today after being acquitted of all charges in the disappearance and alleged murder of Sarah Josephine Richards.

Male family members and friends greeted them at the gate, while the Unchosen stood by applauding silently by blinking rapidly as the two innocent men fell into the welcoming arms of their friends and brothers in Lonnie. “It’s like a dream come true. After all these months of feeling ashamed and guilty, I now know that I am innocent of all charges. It’s as if a giant weight has been lifted from my heart,” said Reznor, who cried tears of joy as he hugged his grandmother.

“I just don’t know how to express the joy I feel today. For over half a year, I have harbored intense hatred for these two men. I was angry at Lonnie for allowing this to happen. I cursed my brothers, attacked the women around me, and slacked off from work for days on end. Now that I know they are innocent, I can finally return to a normal life. It’s like a second chance for all of us here at BLUFF,” cried the father of Anthony Steward. “Just knowing my boy was spending all that time in jail, eating that food, being forced to inhabit the same space as all those filthy, sinful criminals. It was so much for a father to have to deal with. I’m just glad it’s over so we can all have some peace of mind.”

The ladies react joyously to the court's decision

The ladies react joyously to the court’s decision

The women of BLUFF were also pleased to hear the verdict. Sitting in the lesser gender TV room and watching the decision via VHS tape recorded earlier and approved for broadcast by the BLUFF council, the women all whispered words of praise and happiness as the innocence of the accused was declared by Judge Lyndale Robertson. “This is a good day for all of us at BLUFF. Now that we have closure in this case, we can all go back to our normal everyday routine,” murmured Cathy Redmond. “I’m sure I speak for all of my fellow sister wives in saying that we were confident that Lonnie’s power would shine through in this case and this case would be resolved without implications against our community.”

Outside of the community, however, hostility and discrimination rages in the hearts of the unsaved. “This case is far from over,” said one citizen. “I just don’t see how they can let those boys go with all the evidence against them. I mean, they had the entire murder on videotape!”

Jurors, however, expressed a different side of the story than those who wish ill upon the good residents of BLUFF. “There just wasn’t any evidence at all, really. Nothing to convict them. Everyone’s talking about a videotape of the murder – but we didn’t see anything like that. This is the first I have heard of it,” remarked one juror, whose name has been withheld to protect him from harm. “There simply wasn’t any reason to convict these men. And I hope, now that the real story has come out, that the family of the woman that disappeared can find some

The jurors leave the courtroom after today's verdict.

The jurors leave the courtroom after today’s verdict.

peace. God knows this has been hard on them, to have to sit and think that these poor innocent men might have harmed their daughter.”

Family members of Sarah Josephine Richards have declined to comment, despite numerous attempts to alert random people in the neighborhood to speak to someone in the family and have them get in touch with the media by email.

 

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augustweisz
Admin
7 years ago

I feel a love connection in the near future!

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
7 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

You mean a Smart phone?

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
7 years ago

We’re having a fermented cat milk party at Brother David Henderson’s Easternmost barn tonight to welcome Brother Jacob and Brother Anthony’s safe return. All campound members are invited!

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
7 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

So, Do they pay the ‘Campound’ interest for the milk?

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago

I’m just grateful this was resolved right before the opening of the Childs Youth Procreation Adventure Theme Park. It just wouldn’t have been the same without Brothers Jacob and Anthony there on opening day.

Praise.

Pasty
Pasty
7 years ago

Praise!

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
7 years ago
Reply to  Pasty

Doesn’t Pasty look like ‘Hitman’s agent 47’ with down’s syndrome?