Oregon Ducks/Marcus Mariota Masturbated, Lose National Championship

Oregon Ducks caught having a “circle-jerk” on the sidelines.

The true champions in the College Football Playoff National Championship was the crowd, for sitting through this snoozefest of a game. There were 1 or 2 exciting moments, no huge comeback, no 102 yard kickoff returns. It was pretty boring. Watching Urban Meyer smile for the first time in his entire life might have been the strangest moment of the game. The Oregon Ducks were a 7 point favorite, and yet they lost by 22 points. How did this happen? How can a “Favorite” lose by that much? It is simple. The Ducks committed too much self-rape throughout the season, and Lonnie smote their title hopes.

Wearing pink is a sign of masturbation.

Look at the facts here:

#1. Marcus Mariota comes from the Rainbow State. Rainbows are how homogays communicate with each other to show they are willing to masturbate, improperly diddled children and make sex at others of the same gender.

#2. Ohio State is an Amish College, so God loves them more than pot smoking hippies from Eugene, Oregon.

#3. The Oregon Ducks constantly talked about how they were a “Team”, and had to do “everything” as a team. That included masturbation. Group masturbation will cause massive outbreaks of diseases, if left unchecked.

#4. They didn’t have any Green or Gold on their uniforms. This was most likely due to the amount of “Future unknown babies” that was spilled on them, which basically bleached them, and caused the uniforms to harden into a crust-like outfit, which when tackled, caused massive injuries to the player.

#5. Due to his semen encrusted hands, Marcus Mariota found the ball sticking to his hands, and was unable to complete simple passes.

Only the mascot was having proper relations on this trip.

Oregon Duck fans will claim that the referees were bad, or that injuries were the reason they lost, but everyone could see the masturbation fatigue in their faces. Lonnie blessed them with a great season, but they turned their backs on His love. Congratulations, Ohio State.

Maybe if the cheerleaders weren’t dressed so sexy, the team could have avoided self-rape.