Godzilla: A Documentary Displaying the Dangers of Self Rape

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After nuclear power was proven 100 percent safe, Godzilla producers needed to find another more realistic causation for a creature like Godzilla to exist. Masturbation was the only thing that fit from a scientific point of view.

This weekend I had the opportunity to view this Documentary and I was pleasantly surprised. The theater was fairly clean and the floor was not sticky. Also the temperature seemed just about right. If anything maybe one degree too warm.

Once the movie started it didn’t take long for the action to start. Semen flowing into the ocean from all the oriental masturbation created Godzilla, he grew and fed off all the masturbation in the orient until it was sucked dry of semen. In search of more semen he goes to the second most perverse area in the world, San Francisco. After arriving in the Bay Area he fights some monsters that were recently Gay married and then gets disgusted by all the homosexuality and heads back out into the ocean.

Melissa McCarthy plays Godzilla, and the guy who played the meth using teacher from Malcom in the Middle is a geologist but dies early-on in the movie. I rate this movie A for Accurately showing the consequences of a world where family values are ignored.


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Cathy Redmond
7 years ago

Based on this review, I went to see this Documentary Film last night with my Sunday Evening Prayer Group™. We were pleasantly surprised to see Big Masturbation didn’t get it’s scummy paws on this project like so many others. The producers of this film were able to present the problems of endless masturbation through the thinly veiled allegory of the “Godzilla mythos”. Every building destroyed clearly symbolized the destruction of another traditional normal family unit being torn asunder by self-rape and other forms of deviancy. Praise Hollywood for finally getting back on track making family films with a strong moral… Read more »

7 years ago

I laughed my ass off reading this

6 years ago

It was you the Americans that woke me up I’ve been around for hundreds of years, besides I was asleep before those insects woke me up.