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“The Simpsons” Marathon Begins; Masturbation Rates Immediately Drop 25%

Cable television channel FXX started a publicity stunt today where they are showing every episodes of “The Simpsons” in a marathon format. The marathon is to run without interruption until Labor Day and began at 10:30am this morning.

The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow noticed a 25% drop in masturbatory acts that began at the same time the Simpsons marathon began. Faith Researcher Aaron Scott said, “It seems we’ve found a definite correlation between fans of ‘The Simpsons’ and masturbators. While this is not as a high of a correlation between fans of ‘Family Guy’ and masturbators, it is still a significant finding.”

Faith Graph

Scott noted that he and his colleagues expect the rates to even out again once the “short attention span” of the “average masturbator” kicks in or when the marathon reaches Season 9 and the episode “The Principal and the Pauper” airs. Scott added, “Once it gets to Season 9 even the most diehard fan of the show will go back to their normal routine, which faith facts have proven for at least 1 in 4 four Simpsons fans means committing the crime of self-rape.”

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Liam McKey
6 years ago

You can’t masturbate while watching cartoons. Faithfact!

ThatOneGuy
ThatOneGuy
6 years ago
Reply to  Liam McKey

Ummm I do it watching hentai soooooo

Jimmy
Jimmy
6 years ago

I masturbate every day while watching the simpsons. Piss off Liam!

Liam McKey
6 years ago
Reply to  Jimmy

That is an obvious lie. You must be one of those people who only masturbate to fit in.

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

I love the use of the graph, it helps me understand the significance!

MasterbationKing
MasterbationKing
6 years ago

I came to the Simpsons 13 times during this marathon.

Cassidy Pen
6 years ago

I believe the only cartoon character to register an increased occurrence of self rape has been Jessica Rabbit. Normally, cartoons only influence masturbation among the truly depraved.

Darin
Darin
6 years ago

Internet rule 34. Eventually, EVERYTHING will be porn.
35. If no porn is found of it, it will be made

Technically this article is a lie.

Source: http://rulesoftheinternet.com/index.php?title=Main_Page