Disciples / Morals / Self-Rape Prevention

A Word To the Masturbators

Prof. Bro. Rev. Dr Thomas is the preeminent authority on most things. You should listen to him.

Prof. Bro. Rev. Dr Thomas Kelly is the preeminent authority on most things. You should listen to him.

Hello fellow Chosen Normals, I, Professor Doctor Brother Dean Thomas Kelly, Necromancer of the twenty-fifth level, would just like to say a quick word about violating your sin-center for the foolish, evil, and disgusting purpose of sexual self-gratification:

Don’t.

Praise, and may God bless those that matter.

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Truffle
6 years ago

Powerful words, Brother.

Praise!

Cassidy Pen
6 years ago

Your words are truly inspiring, Brother Thomas.

Wankedanke
Wankedanke
6 years ago

Oh Lord give me the Power to Wank all day Long!!! Because it is healthy and normal!!!

Lol
Lol
6 years ago

Ok, now im sure this site is a joke. Lol xD. You guys are hilarious

Henry
Henry
6 years ago

Hahahahaha this has to be fake site lol

Sgt. Sausage
Sgt. Sausage
6 years ago

So you’re trying to tell me that masturbation is wrong, but summoning the dead to do you bidding is okay? I really, really, really hope this site is fake, because there’s no way someone can be THIS stupid.

Cassidy Pen
6 years ago
Reply to  Sgt. Sausage

We would appreciate if you used a less offensive name than “sausage.” There are young children and weak-minded individuals surfing this holy page. Your disgusting name could send one of them over the masturbation edge and then we’ll have still more sin and stained sheets and underwear.

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Praise on high, Professor Doctor!

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Praise on weed, Professor Doctor.

Thomas Kelly
Thomas Kelly
6 years ago

Sgt Sausage, did not GOD summon his dead son JESUS to do HIS BIDDING?

Praying you read up on your Faithfacts before you spout hatred and ignorance!!!

bmx4life
bmx4life
6 years ago

Well since i cant masturbate i guess ill go spill my seed in the belly of a whore cause that is exceptable right. Then ill go do all the other literal things the bible and see how evil it all seems lol

Tyler
Tyler
6 years ago

I like to jerk it jerk it, I like to jerk it jerk it, I like to jerk it jerk it, I like to, JERK IT!

Pongo the Gigantic is my savior
Pongo the Gigantic is my savior
6 years ago

The holy Writings of the Church of Ponginae We are very proud to announce the inception and establishment of the Holy Church of Ponginae. We have established this church in response to the overwhelming interest in theological belief in the United States of America. Our intent is to offer an alternative religion to the established dominance of current theologies. The Holy Church of Ponginae’s sole intent is to discredit and openly ridicule ALL existing theological beliefs and religious institutions…including the Holy Church of Ponginae. Parishioners and practitioners of the Holy Church of Ponginae are strongly encouraged to actively deride and… Read more »

Theslightlyconfusedwizard
Theslightlyconfusedwizard
6 years ago

Wait, I looked up your name on the Court-Wizard Registration Tome: Necromancy section and you weren’t on there. You’re an imposter! Shame on you, you liar! I’m going to report you to my advisors!

Mary_Cheeks
6 years ago

Even though I am a lesser-gendered female and, as such, matter much less than the men of our flock in the eyes of our Lord, I can’t help but feel this power in this inspirational post. Praise our holy netsite for spreading the word, and praise you, Brother Thomas!

Jack of Blades
Jack of Blades
6 years ago

Pfft a necromancer you are not your just a mere mortal I’ll show you true power, pick the place and see how you fail.

Jack of Blades
Jack of Blades
6 years ago

Of coarse no response Thomas Kelly knows he will lose to me.

Iuph
Iuph
5 years ago

This is the funniest website I have ever seen ?? but if Thomas Kelly is serious, you are the worlds biggest dickhead faggot wanker bloody idiot