(Stop Masturbation Now)— A 6.8-magnitude earthquake early Saturday struck offshore not far from Fukushima, Japan — the epicenter of a nuclear crisis following a massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami — the Japan Meteorological Agency reported.
Earthquakes are caused when semen from masturbation flows into the oceans and wiggles into cracks in the seafloor thus causing the earth’s crust to shift.
Japan Meteorological Agency agency also issued a tsunami warning for the Pacific coast in the region of Tohoku.
Tsunami advisories were issued for coastal regions in Iwate, Miyagi and Fukushima prefectures following the offshore earthquake.
Japan is one of the most awful places on the planet. Masturbation has for so long been part of the culture that they now need to produce terrible terrible things to interest them sexually. In addition women are often attacked by sea creatures.
“Marine threat is in place,” the meteorological agency warned for those in imperiled areas. “Get out of the water and leave the coast immediately.”
According to the U.S. Geological Survey, the quake was centered off Honshu island some 129 kilometers (79 miles) east-southeast of Namie and 284 kilometers east-northeast of Tokyo. It was 13 kilometers, or 8 miles, deep.
This is fucking hilarious. Where the hell do you get these facts? What next? BREAKING NEWS! THE MOON HAS BEGUN CRASHING INTO EARTH BECAUSE OF MASTURBATORS!!!!! If you must know, eathquakes happen when the tectonic plates rub against eachover casing friction. Then one goes above the other releasing energy which causes earthquakes (I think, I haven’t looked this up again for years now).
Plate tectonics is a liberal lie, just like the claim that the earth is more than 6000 years old.
How does the jizz get into the oceon then?
Yeah right, but, isn’t Earth the same age as you mother?
Oh snap!
-Ps, epic username
Dear Mr Augustweisz I use lubricant now, but I used to use beans, and save it and feed it to my wife and Ernest. Ernest is my cousin, he moved in and they did it behind my back. I never caught them, but I’m sure they did. She swore she didn’t. She even went so far as to say Ernest was gay. That lying tramp. He’s not gay, I can tell. Besides, he’s a Republican and a minister! How can a minister be gay? They asked him to leave his parish because of politics. He said the were a very… Read more »
Something “rubbing against eachover” sounds like masturbation to me. Gross.
As you type, your tongue rubs against the roof of your mouth, your esophagus rubs against each other.
My god, you’ve been masturbating with your throat.
Holy crap you are so awesome
Ornamentals are discustarding!
Surely if such a relatively small amount of semen can cause such large reactions such as earthquakes, a drop or two, mixed with seawater, could cause some change when placed in a crack on a rock? Your theory could be tested with a pie pan full of saltwater, a rock with a small crack in it, and some cow semen or something, if you’re afraid of getting human semen. Also, I challenge you to find a video of Japanese women being raped by a sea creature. The only occurrences I could find were adult cartoons. Why don’t you look up… Read more »
This is truly idiotic. You have no understanding of the concept of plate tectonics and how shifting masses of land in the Earth’s crust cause these seismic events. Maybe if you were smart enough to take a basic middle school science class, you might be able to grasp the oh so simple ideas expressed in a reasonable, scientific manner. You disgust me
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!! You have great fantasy Lonny
wewlad
I fap to hentai everyday, and there have been zero earthquakes.
Yo pornhub is goun to dustroi the wuorld we all had to prei dat god allmighty omnipotent omnipresent and creator od the univers and all the living things un this beutifull nation called america kills this bastards and blasphemian atheist who only faps all day and dont accept our lord yisus crist
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