Foreigners / Science / Weather / World

Breaking News: Masturbation Caused 6.8 Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Japan, Tsunami Warning Issued

(Stop Masturbation Now)— A 6.8-magnitude earthquake early Saturday struck offshore not far from Fukushima, Japan — the epicenter of a nuclear crisis following a massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami — the Japan Meteorological Agency reported.

Earthquakes are caused when semen from masturbation flows into the oceans and wiggles into cracks in the seafloor thus causing the earth’s crust to shift.

_51650619_japan_quake_sendai_464-v3bJapan Meteorological Agency agency also issued a tsunami warning for the Pacific coast in the region of Tohoku.

Tsunami advisories were issued for coastal regions in Iwate, Miyagi and Fukushima prefectures following the offshore earthquake.

Japan is one of the most awful places on the planet. Masturbation has for so long been part of the culture that they now need to produce terrible terrible things to interest them sexually. In addition women are often attacked by sea creatures.

“Marine threat is in place,” the meteorological agency warned for those in imperiled areas. “Get out of the water and leave the coast immediately.”

According to the U.S. Geological Survey, the quake was centered off Honshu island some 129 kilometers (79 miles) east-southeast of Namie and 284 kilometers east-northeast of Tokyo. It was 13 kilometers, or 8 miles, deep.

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Masterbating For The Win!
Masterbating For The Win!
6 years ago

This is fucking hilarious. Where the hell do you get these facts? What next? BREAKING NEWS! THE MOON HAS BEGUN CRASHING INTO EARTH BECAUSE OF MASTURBATORS!!!!! If you must know, eathquakes happen when the tectonic plates rub against eachover casing friction. Then one goes above the other releasing energy which causes earthquakes (I think, I haven’t looked this up again for years now).

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

Plate tectonics is a liberal lie, just like the claim that the earth is more than 6000 years old.

Masterbating For The Win!
Masterbating For The Win!
6 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

How does the jizz get into the oceon then?

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
6 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

Yeah right, but, isn’t Earth the same age as you mother?

Masterbating For The Win
Masterbating For The Win
6 years ago

Oh snap!
-Ps, epic username

J T Dogzone
J T Dogzone
4 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

Dear Mr Augustweisz I use lubricant now, but I used to use beans, and save it and feed it to my wife and Ernest. Ernest is my cousin, he moved in and they did it behind my back. I never caught them, but I’m sure they did. She swore she didn’t. She even went so far as to say Ernest was gay. That lying tramp. He’s not gay, I can tell. Besides, he’s a Republican and a minister! How can a minister be gay? They asked him to leave his parish because of politics. He said the were a very… Read more »

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Something “rubbing against eachover” sounds like masturbation to me. Gross.

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

As you type, your tongue rubs against the roof of your mouth, your esophagus rubs against each other.
My god, you’ve been masturbating with your throat.

The EPicness Is Real
The EPicness Is Real
6 years ago

Holy crap you are so awesome

Truffle
6 years ago

Ornamentals are discustarding!

Roman Catholic
Roman Catholic
6 years ago

Surely if such a relatively small amount of semen can cause such large reactions such as earthquakes, a drop or two, mixed with seawater, could cause some change when placed in a crack on a rock? Your theory could be tested with a pie pan full of saltwater, a rock with a small crack in it, and some cow semen or something, if you’re afraid of getting human semen. Also, I challenge you to find a video of Japanese women being raped by a sea creature. The only occurrences I could find were adult cartoons. Why don’t you look up… Read more »

Not completely blind to scientific fact
Not completely blind to scientific fact
5 years ago

This is truly idiotic. You have no understanding of the concept of plate tectonics and how shifting masses of land in the Earth’s crust cause these seismic events. Maybe if you were smart enough to take a basic middle school science class, you might be able to grasp the oh so simple ideas expressed in a reasonable, scientific manner. You disgust me

MissG82
5 years ago

BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!! You have great fantasy Lonny

wewlad
wewlad
5 years ago

wewlad

F this site
F this site
4 years ago

I fap to hentai everyday, and there have been zero earthquakes.

The thypical hillbilly redneck

Yo pornhub is goun to dustroi the wuorld we all had to prei dat god allmighty omnipotent omnipresent and creator od the univers and all the living things un this beutifull nation called america kills this bastards and blasphemian atheist who only faps all day and dont accept our lord yisus crist

Off Contantly
Off Contantly
3 years ago

I can’t rememeber where i saw the name of this website. I thought “surely it can’t be real,” and yet, here I am, reading these stories. I have to say thank you to the moderators of this website. I think I have found the basis for my stand-up comedy routine. This is all pure gold. Blatantly false, with 0 scientific credit, but hilarious. Thank you again.

Nelly
3 years ago

It’s amazing in favor of me to have a web site, which is useful designed for my experience.

thanks admin