Science / Trending

Report: Ice Bucket Challenge has Dropped Masturbation Rates by 30%

 

The viral fundraising phenomena known as the “Ice Bucket Challenge,” is raising money for A.L.S. research and also lowering the rates that masturbators self-rape by 30%, according to a newly released study by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Ice Bucket Challenge, people have been gathering donations from people who want to see their friend or loved one stop raping themselves by pouring a bucket of ice water on top of their head. The money goes towards ALS research and the masturbators are unable to violate themselves for at least an hour. Everybody wins.

The technique used by those who take-on the challenge involves pouring a bucket of cold water and ice on top of their head, while leaning back as far as possible without falling down. This allows the ice water to run from the masturbator’s head, down their chest, stomach and ultimately to their sin zone, making masturbation physically impossible.

A.L.S. is an acronym for Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Lou Gehrig was a member of the New York Knicks, and held the league’s masturbation record (a record that was unsurpassed for over 50 years). Unfortunately for Mr. Gehrig, he contracted this sexually transmitted disease due to his constant masturbating. Because of Mr. Gehrig’s advocacy for masturbation, the doctors treating Lou Gehrig decided to honor him by naming the disease after him. Not to be outdone, the team that he played for, decided to change their name from the “Knicks,” to the “Yankees,” as a way of honoring their teammate.

SMN Ministries is a proud supporter of the Ice Bucket Challenge.

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Lonnie Childs
Admin
7 years ago

The ice causes major shrinkage, impairing male masturbators from raping their sin-swords for a significant period of time. I love science! Praise!

Milton Grits
7 years ago

The police need to spray the masturbating looters and rioters in Missouri with ice water!

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

Unfortunately, I think all of the ice has been looted.

Praise.

Scandinavian Leather
Scandinavian Leather
7 years ago

People are so vanilla and boring. Ice, when applied properly; thus ensuring the maximum amount of pain, can be very kinky. Both for the recipient and the giver. Most people like pain with their pleasure, as much as they refuse to admit it. I, personally can’t reach orgasm unless my ass is a dark shade of purple while a painful electric current is coursing through my nipples. To each his own.

Liam McKey
7 years ago

Do the authorities know what is being done to you? Please give me your address and I will arrange a rescue of you.

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago

Now I think I understand better why some cities are trying to ban the Ice Bucket Challenge. They’re just doing the bidding of Big Masturbation to get the masturbation rates back up. It all makes sense.

Praise.

Truffle
7 years ago

Permanent frostbite damage to the genitalia should be a treatment that, Brother Nikita, could administer.

Kevin Soto
7 years ago

ESTÚPIDOS LOL