How To Spot a Masturbator

Most people wash their hands as a way to stay clean and prevent the spread of harmful germs.  When using the restroom, a normal person will wash their hands upon entering the restroom so as to not spread bacteria and viruses to their genitals, and then relieve themselves afterwards.  This is why non-masturbators do not give themselves STDs.  On the other hand, masturbators will relieve themselves first (with soiled hands), then wash their hands AFTERWARDS, washing away the disgust of what lives on their genitals, as well as the subconscious shame they have from being a Masturbator.  Unfortunately, their lack of hygiene often times results in the spread of STDs such as: the Clap, the Gay, Herpes, and the bad AIDS.  The next time that you see someone washing their hands after using the restroom, make sure to let them know that they aren’t fooling anyone.  Praise!

– Lonnie

About Lonnie Childs 46 Articles
Hello, my name is Lonald "Lonnie" Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement. Please visit my Facebook page here, and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here,
Contact: Website

221 Comments on How To Spot a Masturbator

    • Yes. Magic Johnson has the good AIDS. As a professional football player he was coached to wash his hands before he took a dump.

        • You are on a science site as we speak. Faith Science. And I’m telling you that Magic Johnson has the good AIDS. Tom Cruise in the documentary “Pennsylvania” had the bad AIDS. Because he was Homogay for Brad Pitt in the movie “Conversation with a Vampire”. Homogays always get the bad AIDS, because Homogays always masturbate.

          • When an individual abstains from masturbation God acts as a shield against the negative consequences of the bad AIDS, and only allows the positive side effects, such as weight loss. ^_^

          • You’re all literally insane, it’s all made up rubbish. God gave you a penis and a sensation when you move your hand up and down it for a reason. But you would fail to see the truth as you follow a book written thousands of years ago. With no proof as to what you are saying. Go be a fiction writer and do something useful with your time.

  1. *to the admins* You are just some crazy fanatics. Masturbation is NATURAL and healthy, and god have no problem with it, because he is as real as Santa. There is a “god” maybe , but if he exist he don’t give a f**k about fap. Now realy, imagine you are the ultimate force of the universe. All you think all day is that some tiny human faps??? Your knowledge is similar with the one of these guys, witch probably would burn in hell even after your standards :

    • I’ll pray for you so that you can get all of the jerking off time that you need because, we ‘sinners’ need it before we spread STDs amongst each other. Personally, I can’t stop laughing at the stuff that I’m reading…

  2. You guys are crazy, masturbation is natural, I do it, and there’s nothing wrong with that, now excuse me as I masturbate.

    • I recommend you get tested for bad AIDS in the morning. Then we’ll see who’s really crazy.

      • @Nikita I suggest that you get tested for any tumors that may (and probably do) exist in your fucked up mind. Your warped idea that masturbation is evil is causing you to become nothing more than a fucking joke to a a shit load of people. I suggest a steady diet of some great fucking porn containing whatever subject it is that gets you off and if watching some chick getting ass rammed by a guy dressed in a clown suit then so be it(who am I to judge? The point is to spend some ‘quiet time’ with yourself, your right hand(or left), a box of tissues and make sure that your mom doesn’t open the basement door because there’s nothing worse than looking like a deer caught in the headlights with your cock in your hand(am I right?)

    • AIDS is a virus that spreads through humans body fluid such as blood and semem… You can’t get it from your hands…

  3. This website is a joke right? God has an entire universe to look after. He doesn’t give a shit if your kid is masturbating. He created the natural sexual urges that humans get to masturbate.

    • So, did the God fill you in on his priority list? Preventing kids from masturbating, IS looking after the universe dummy.

      • How do I break this too you… since the dawn of time, human nature has been to eat, sleep, and fuck. If it wasn’t meant to happen. Then people wouldn’t be doing it in the first place. It is part of life. In a manner of speaking it can give you sexual confidence, depending on the person and what he or she learns from the experience. You dorks have been on some crusade to stop what has been natural from the beginning of human existence. Get over it. Literally the ONLY religions that go against sex is any one of the three that believe in god. ( Christianaity, Muslim, Judiaism). No one else cares. Stop shoving your views down everyone else’s throats. Why don’t you try it once? Hmmmmm? You believe that people were created in God’s image? Then why do we do it? The last thing I really have to say is. People who mastuurbate are not having sex. Which means no offspring. Which is good. Especially for teens and people who aren’t ready. Seriously. If you are a girl. See what you can do to yourself. Find that G-Spot. If you’re a guy, whip it out, grab some lotion, and go to work. Not a damn thing wrong with exploring your own body.

  4. let there be peace, pleasure, ecstasy and love around the globe when all brothers and sister beyond all nationality, skincollors, religions and ages put there hand on there genitals and anus to give themself the best time they can have and moan i am free… amen

  5. My mate once shoved a lynx can up some lasses ass.
    Does that count as wanking her off? To be fair I’m pretty sure he washed his hands first.

  6. My boyfriend here’s me off regularly. I have no need to maturbate. Up yours religious fanatics!

      • Ok, here’s the deal. I’m a fucking girl and I masturbate. I got tested for STD’s yesterday as per my moms request since I am sexually active and I am 16 years of age. My boyfriend ALSO masturbates and he as well got an STD test before and after we had sex. Guess what you fucking moron? ALL OF OUR TESTS CAME BACK CLEAN! Go fuck yourself, you uneducated swine.

  7. I jerk off to just about everything. Especially when my partner fucks me up the ass. No need to maturbate

      • Wow, Nikita, You are a HUGE troll! You act like you’re some perfect little saint and then tell someone they’re a joke. Something smells very trollish here. I’ve encountered tons of trolls in my life, and I know how to spot one.

        • Wow, Natalie! Something smells very whorish here. And I’m afraid it may be your HUGE vagina. Praise.

  8. Holy Troll shit can the idiots of the interwebs not spot a sarcastic joke website when its blatantly obvious? Every story has a picture that has nothing to do with the subjects of the story. Everything on here is over the top and ridiculous or sarcastic…douches

  9. Drink the cool-aid you bible thumping trailor trash. Fuck you and your imaginary friend. I hope you join him asap

  10. So, lemme get this straight. If I wash my hands BEFORE I go the the bathroom, I don’t masturbate. But I wash my hands after, like most normal and hygienic people do, I’m a masturbating fool? This makes no sense.

      • You have to be SO ignorant to call mastrabating self rape. Do you know what rape is? It’s nonconsensual sex. Wait that’s a big word, let me break it down okay? It means when someone whom you DON’T WANT forces themselves onto you. People who mastrabate do so BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. Furthermore, mastrabating IS NOT SEX. Calling this Self-rape just proves how uneducated you are.

  11. This is such bs. There’s no such thing as bad aids and good aids. Aids is just the final and worst stage of HIV. Masturbation is healthy and natural. And no one washes there hands before they use the bathroom unless they have some type of OCD.

    • Do you say these things because you have AIDS good friend? I sympathize for you and hope through prayer and faith you can come to understand bad AIDS from good AIDS. It is very significant. Praise.

      • I do not have AIDS but I have studied AIDS in biology and aids is just the last stage in Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). There is no good type because it is a virus that will kill you if you don’t try and treat it. So please, research things before you talk about them and spread lies.

          • Oh, alright Bishop Smith. You’re a practicing physician. So please explain what “good AIDS” and “bad AIDS” are, because I took a Genetics class in high school in which I learned quite a bit about the HIV herpesvirus, but a “good” disease was never mentioned in the curriculum. What are the signs of “good AIDS”?

  12. You can’t catch “The Gay” you stupid fucks! There is NO God… only fucktards like yourselves. Please go get an education before you kill off humanity with your treacherous words. I am a compulsive hand washer… before, during and after masturbating. I was also just recently checked by a healthcare physician for any STD’s and VD’s and guess what… I am squeaky clean. Still masturbating too. Bwahahaha

  13. The bad AIDS is real and anyone who says otherwise is some sort of anarchist. Whatever you can give yourself from food born illness, can be transmitted as well. Please wash your hands so you can stop the spread of: The bad AIDS, The Gay, Herpes, and the Clap, in that order. Lives are on the line here people!!!!

    • Please provide me with sufficient scientifically based proof of “bad” AIDS. Cause I’m pretty sure ALL AIDS are horrible. You want to know why? CAUSE AIDS KILL YOU. It doesn’t matter how a person ends up contracting the AIDS cause in the end YOU GOT AIDS NO MATTER WHAT. It’s a horrible disease that religious nuts like you need to leave alone. Educate yourself sir or madam. Because you just sound like an idiot

      • I pray for you brother that you one day will masturbate. You cannot know God’s love until you have masturbated. I pray that after you read this comment you go into a bathroom and know God’s love.

        • Derp Tryintotroll

          I pray at you, so that you are one day cured of satirical blindness brought on by chronic masturbation. Please give my best to your mother, I hope she is in good health.

          • I see that Satan has a firm grasp upon your life Nikita. I recommend that immediately masturbate before it is too late. If you don’t masturbate now then you will never get to know God. If you don’t know God, Satan has won. We cannot allow Satan to win so please get to know God before it is too late.

        • He does masturbate, everyone does. He will just lie about it so Brother Smith and Bob don’t get mad and beat him with their sausages. Typical religious fanatic. Being a bigot and discriminating against people are illegal and I for one feel your anti-social behaviour and discriminating comments are a just cause to get your ass locked up so Bubba can have ya. Shall I send you some lube?

          • Playing the victim is common. Everyone is a victims. They band together in ignorance and try to stop those who speak truth about BIG MASTURBATION. You are probably lying on your stomach as I preach these words self-raping yourself. And then you’ll say your a victim of your right hand and your left.

        • Lies that your right and left hand taught you. Pray AT this fellow that he may be ridden of his guilt.

  14. BAD aids is bad for you! And for everyone but IF you to to shower afterwards it turns to normal aids then you can pray it off. God is great. Hail Freyja!

  15. For the record I do not believe that “the gay” is an STD. It would be nice if you evangelists would study the science of reality. Not the biased non fact based science you create within your religious chain of command. Strange how science all of a sudden fits when you guys explain it in relation to your own views and agendas.

  16. So if you guys who are anti-self pleasure had to choose, would you rather somebody masturbate or have premarital intercourse. Serious question too. I’m rather intrigued.

  17. So a floppy penis grows on the pope’s forehead, jesus comes down sucks the cock and receives a money shot in his left eye, while he whacks off a 7 year old boy with the nail hole, and fucks a goat in the ass, they all moved to San Francisco and opened a gay bar. Try and prove me wrong, this totally happened! The End.

    • One day, Jesus is taking a walk and comes upon a group of people who are about to stone a woman to death for adultery.
      Jesus says: “Let he among you who is without sin cast the first… ” BONK!
      Jesus is interrupted by a stone hitting him square in the head. He looks at the crowd trying to identify the culprit who threw the stone at him. Suddenly he gets a dissapointed look on his face, and says “Oh for fuck’s sake, mom!”

      Accept this as my official stone… may your cock fall off in your “Vette” that was surely paid for by sheeples.

    • loool i cant believe there’s still people saying that gay is even a disease, i’m gay, and i feel so proud of it xD oh and by the way, i like to masturbate, but i love when i’m masturbating and my boyfriend has his dick inside my ass <3

    • Dude, be careful. these christians have proved they know all about reality bro. They are sooooo smart. They worship a zombie in the sky, they can’t not be stupid.

  18. I remember a kid from school that we picked on, was caught masturbating in the boys room. We suspected that he had the gay. We decided that the best course of action was to bully the gay out of him, but it didn’t work. Years later we learned that he got the bad aids and he died. He didn’t die of the gay or the bad aids though. He died because of some skin-heads.

  19. Best site ever. Bring the good Old Lord down and bring back Satan my saviour!
    I’ll raise Hitler as my child before converting to God!

  20. Sooooo. I just got a handjob, does that count as indirectly masturbating for her, or premarital relations… Or did I induce indirect masturbation and indirect self rape, or did I just get raped…

    • Ode to masturbation:
      Oh, wifi connection be strong
      KY Jelly be full,
      Penis please be strong
      Carpel Tunnel syndrome I pray I do not have
      Choose a site and drop my pants
      Spit or lube
      I do not care
      Erection, erection
      Masturbation material selection
      Inter-species Erotic midget scat porn
      It will do
      Up and down
      Three to five minutes
      I drop my goo.
      Pants and belt up and secure
      Leave the church office
      I hope my pastor does not see
      Go for a walk,
      15 minutes and I go back to church
      Going to hit on a nun and masturbate.
      Ode to masturbation.

  21. I’m masturbating right thinking about those conservative woman behind this site, I’ll cum all over your faces

  22. No need to comment that “article” (if we can say) except by the simple word “nonsense”. Religious fanatics are so far in their ill-convictions that I wont try to tell anything in just five words.
    But I am clearly glad to know now that there are “good” and “bad” AIDS ! Nikita machin truc, you cannot figure out how much I estimate…

  23. hahaha its natural and healthy enough for a person. and i first time came to know that it causes aids ….. grow up kiddies..

  24. Those who don’t wash their hands AFTER using the washroom spread disease! You can’t get an STP from masturbation….. You’re a very brainwashed & naive bunch.

  25. I hear they make restraining jackets for 5 y/olds to keep them from touching themselves..cray cray

  26. LOL wow thanks for the good laugh I specially love the thought that “the gay” is a disease. Also I thought everyone knew about the good AIDS you know the kind this is imaginary, then again that isn’t the only imaginary thing about religion.

  27. wtf is this website? this is a joke. masterbation is a healthy thing to do do and alot of people will do it. its a natural part of life. girls and boys do it! it is not a sin at all this website is a pile of untrue holy crap 🙂

  28. Isn’t cleanliness next to Godliness, so therefore washing ones hands post ‘poop’ or masturbation, be OK with God?

  29. Good grief… never has there been better proof of the fact that irony is a long-dead skill for most people.

  30. “Don’t sin! Don’t masturbate!” Yet you bash gays? Hating is a sin if anything is. I see nothing wrong with being gay. And before you comment back, “YOU’RE PROBABLY GAY.”, please look at yourself and realize that you’re just dumb for saying it’s a sin to be gay.

    • If you read the latest article about a HomoGay couple, you’ll realise we don’t ‘Bash’ the gays. As long as the union produces normal, non-ginger offspring, from procreation, we take no issue with it.

      Praying AT you!

    • We do not bash people with the gay. We fight against the disease they are afflicted with. You wouldn’t go up to someone raising money to fight cancer and cause them of bashing cancer patients, would you?

  31. I don’t fucking get this. How is it “self rape” when clearly someone has the choice to jerk off? Suck my Dick, but please, jack me off first.

    • Consensual sex requires two or more people to consent. Rape only requires one person (the rapist) to consent.
      By masturbating, you are the only one consenting, hence, you are a rapist and you are raping yourself.

      • If there is only one person only one person needs to consent which is yourself. I don’t think there is any person out there where there hand starts spazzing out and touches themself and tried to stop there hand and they end up crying for help or trying to stop it so yeah. If there is then suck my ass and put me in a salmon suit. Anyone who masturbates wants to unless someone is forcing then too. And don’t tell me that Satan is forcing them because if they are so “one with god” then they would be able to get God and resist. But they don’t so yeah they masturbate because they want to

  32. I cannot tell if this is legit or parody. Poe’s Law clearly applies. And for the record I have entire full showers before I masturbate. As for Aides, I have two, but they have Sundays off to pray for my eternal lesbian soul.

  33. By all my gods, a diskussion consering mastrubutin. Is it for reel…? I thought we past that 100 years ago. Im glad that I am livin in

    • We are currently looking for a good site in Sweden to set up another compound. Far too many masturbators there. If you know of any, please forward the details.

  34. despues de haber leido semejante disparate, me voy a masturbar como nunca en mi vida viendo videos de como menten preso al pobre fappy por masturbacion publica y la pajua de las actrices de disney que se metieron todas a putas, y merecen su respectiva jalada de pinga…. mamaguevos….. cristian-anos de mierda…

  35. From what little I know of the French language, it appears that you are agreeing with us! Welcome brother! Please come join our proud and holy compound where we will help you remain masturbation free. We welcome people of all races and will find a same race partner for you when you get here. Praise!

    • 1. Alright I’m going to tell you right now that’s Spanish, not French. 2. As a person who speaks fluent Spanish that is basically telling that this site is a joke, this person will masturbate to a video now and that masturbaters deserve respect. 3. If you are going to read another language please know what language it is Pasty! I could be calling you a “polla” and you would think it is “savior” (which it is not) and also a note to Cathy I enjoy reading all the links people have been posting but you erase poor Mrs. McCourts links and I’m sure they were nothing bad but the truth in pointing out the faults in your pages. Praying that you all have some sense knocked into your heads and do not continue down this path to hell by abusing your children and women.

  36. Whoever writes these articles must be insanely out of his mind or has just learnt to suppress his laughter at madness. I am not speaking against the whole idea but at the way things are presented here. Either you are completely on the wrong planet here, or are trying to create a world of your own where sense is a foreign word. I shall pray for you all to see the light the right way.

  37. Why the hell hasn’t someone ddosed this website. It is ridiculous. More than 70% of the worlds population wash their hands after they take a dump. Seriously people, it is nothing big.

    Stop attempting to make a big deal out of nothing before someone with power knocks you out.

  38. Is this a joke? Washing one’s hands after using the toilet serves to prevent infection by eating with dirty hands, touching one’s face and mouth, etc.

  39. Also a masturbator can be identified by the smell of damp almonds on and about their person.

  40. I wash my hands after I shit or piss because my hand was close to my ass cheeks and private parts when I wipe so who wouldn’t wash there hands after they wipe omfg and you touch the toilet handle to flush which gets touched by fecal matter if you leave the toilet top up and if you close the toilet top it touches the toilet seat which touches your ass cheeks and when you go back to do your business you gotta touch that so yeah I wash my hands after. Washing your hands before is wasteful of water

  41. I know that this is an Anti-masturbation site, but aren’t we suppose to be hating the Jews because they killed Jesus?

  42. If God did not want us to masturbate he would not have made our arms long enough to reach. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, the sin is in the thoughts we have while we masturbate.


  44. Oh you fool, you absolute fool!! Putting your faith in science is like putting your faith in allah or zeus or fappatron (okay I made that one up to help make my point): They are FALSE gODS ALL!! There is only One True God Most Holy and High, and that is the God of the bible. Well, you know…the real one the book is about, not the false ones the book mentions. And I assure you son, He has no need of things like science or critical thinking or intelligence. As he told Moses “I am what I am”! That says it all, doesn’t it? Never mind that the people who wrote Popeye stole the phrase later on, they’re all going to hell anyway. Why can’t you wake up and see that there is indeed “good AIDS”? It was created and sent by God to remove the homasexuls. The fact that innocent people and children happen to get accidentally infected…well that’s a little harder to explain, but God works in mysterious ways, and if that is His will, we do not dare to question it! So put your faith in God, keep your thing in your pants and your hands above your waist and count your Blessings son!

    • First off, putting faith in science is putting faith in people. In humans l, our own kind. Where we are constantly learning about the things surrounding us. Where even though there are some bad eggs out there we are always moving forward with the help of SCIENCE. Wonder why people don’t die from the flu anymore? SCIENCE. Do you know what else science tells us? It tells us that there is AIDS. Not “good” AIDS not “bad” AIDS. Just AIDS. It doesn’t matter how AIDS was acquired when the end product is all the same. Death. I could come up with a huge rant about how Gay people are BORN Gay and not MADE Gay or diseased Gay. But you’re a dumb ass the information I would relay to you wouldn’t get retained.


  46. Unfortunately when I’m standing my hands hang a little lower than me waist. You get bad AIDS from jerking off like you can get pregnant from anal sex… Not gonna happen.

  47. ive been an ex self raper for five years and now that i know that it is god touching me and not satan ive had even more explosion on my bed sheets

    ps is it bad if i did it with my dog?????

  48. Wow this post is retarded as fuck, Masturbating does not give STDs, fucking animals and people that have STDs does.

  49. This is a great website! Well informed and fascinating.

    I just bought a new dildo that’s pearly white and extra thick to use after I finish digging in deep with my fingers. I can’t wait to get my bed sheets drenched tonight! Recently I’ve explored a bit of anal and I can nearly get about half of my fist inside, who knew the human body was so flexible?? The next time I see my girlfriend I wanna see if I can fit my arm inside her.

    @stopmasturbationnow, keep standing strong with your cause! You’ll get there one day!

  50. Accord to the Centers for disease Control and Prevention (CDC) you should wash your hands:
    Before, during, and after preparing food
    Before eating food
    Before and after caring for someone who is sick
    Before and after treating a cut or wound
    AFTER USING THE TOILET <———–Before is okay but AFTER IS A MUST.
    After changing diapers or cleaning up a child who has used the toilet
    After blowing your nose, coughing, or sneezing
    After touching an animal, animal feed, or animal waste
    After handling pet food or pet treats
    After touching garbage <——-Like you twisted ideas

  51. Well fuck I got a ticket for hell then. I might get fucked my Satan, the same Satan that God himself said was his most beautiful creation. Want him to use his devil horn shaped dildo and ram it up my ass all nice and good. Then probably get assfucked by Hitler as he speaks old German and hails himself.

  52. This site had me at ‘stop masturbation now’…damn, I need to go and rub one out as I am typing this…is it bad that I didn’t wash my hands before I started jerking it? Or am I going to get an STD because of it. I read another article on this most amazingly hilarious site and now I’m worried. I bet that Donald Trump masturbates with his tiny little hands and that’s why I won’t vote for him–because he’s a sinner. Hilary Clinton on the other hand is simply a whore that’ll screw anything that moves–that’s why my dog runs away from her every time that she visits but I am going to vote for her because she doesn’t need to masturbate, she just sleeps around a lot and I have nothing but respect for that. If anyone takes this jacked up site seriously then you really need to contact your doctor and get some help before you become another statistic….

  53. Meh, guess I’ll just go to hell if I can whack it there. And I love the ads on this website. “20 ugly women around you want your cock” is indeed very christian.

  54. Please tell me you ppl are retarded because no one with a BASIC review of the human body knows that you are BORN gay and you have to actually have SEX to get aids and the clap

  55. I knownJesus ain’t no homo. Which sucks because he don’t want to see me (or any other dude) masturbate. But peeping at the ladies. Me and Jesus both love that. I betcha.

  56. There are so many things wrong with this post. Let’s start at the beginning. Washing hands before going to the bathroom isn’t a bad idea. Washing the germs away from the stuff that you have touched on the way in. Good idea, however it’s not necessary. Not to mention it wouldn’t help in the slightest when discovering who “faps” and who doesnt. Furthermore why would washing hands AFTER the fact someone pissed or shit indicate anything? Washing hands afterwards means they are sanitary humans who don’t want piss or shit on their hands. Secondly, I don’t know if YOU know how STD’S work so let me give you the middle school version. In order to get an STD another person (hand is not a person) whom has said STD has to GIVE it to the original person. Through blood, sexual intercourse, kissing, used needles ect.. So mastrabating by yourself DOES NOT GIVE YOU STD’S. Lastly, you CANNOT CATCH “The Gay”. I get it being Gay isn’t widely accepted, and everyone has their own opinions. However being Gay isn’t a disease. Being Gay is something a person is born AS. You wonder why when people come out as Gay they say “Mom, I’m gay.” Notice they Don’t say “Mom, I’ve caught the gay.” That’s because people who are Gay, have ALWAYS been Gay and they ALWAYS WILL because being Gay is WHO THEY ARE. So if you hate “Gays” you are hating people NOT A DISEASE. There is a difference!!! Please pick up a science book, educate yourselves. Thank you.

  57. This is hilarious. Reading the uneducated babble of someone this stupid has made my day

  58. I’m Roman Catholic and seeing let alone reading all of this bs is a load of nonsense lol… American citizens are such odd believers, everyone has a place in heaven masturbater or non-masturbater… This site is an abomination.

  59. There are so many things here that are just factually wrong, it’s hard to tell where to even begin.
    So, let’s just go in order of this site’s presentation, shall we?

    1.) ‘Normal’ people wash their hands *after* using the bathroom, because they recognize (correctly) that the pee and poo their body produces is unsanitary, and should not be left on their hands all day, touching doorknobs, and shaking other people’s hands. Putting your own pee or poo on somebody else’s hand when shaking it is both disgusting, highly offensive to others, and it actually does spread disease. If you want to wash your hands before, as well, then that’s fine too. But PLEASE wash your hands afterward.

    2.) You cannot give yourself an STD, whether you masturbate or not. It’s not physically possible. An STD is transmitted from one person to another through the act of unprotected sex. Hence why they call it an “STD” – it stands for “Sexually Transmitted Disease.” Ie, you must have sexual contact with someone to get an STD. That is literally the only way it can happen.

    3.) The idea of a masturbator washing away “the disgust of what lives on their genitals” does not make any sense, when compared to a married couple having sex – presumably a masturbator’s ejaculate (ie, semen) is what’s disgusting, so – wouldn’t that mean that the semen produced when you have sex with your wife is also disgusting? (answer: it’s not. It’s a beautiful and sacred thing)

    4.) Most people who masturbate do not feel any guilt or shame, because they don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong. If anything, they probably just feel lonely, because they don’t have a partner to love.

    And for the record – if you *do* feel guilt or shame from masturbation, you should probably go see a counselor about it, as it indicates you might have some deep-seated feelings of ‘unworthiness’ or self-loathing you need to resolve.

    5.) Maintaining personal hygiene is a good thing, but that alone does not stop the spread of STDs. Abstinence from sex, or practicing safe protected sex are the only things that will.

    6.) “The Gay” is not a disease. It’s not infectious, and it cannot be spread from one person to another. In fact, having gay feelings is not even a personal choice. Just like 98% of the population is born heterosexual, about 2% of the population is just born homosexual. That’s just the way God made them. And hating gay people just because they’re gay either means that you hate the way God made someone, or that God made someone “incorrectly.”

    7.) Please don’t go up to strangers in the restroom, and confront them about “their masturbation problem.” Not only is this incredibly rude, but it also makes you incredibly creepy. It violates their privacy in the same way as opening up someone’s stall door and watching them pee would do. Would you want someone to open *your* stall door, and watch *you* pee? For that matter, would you want someone to come up to *you* while you’re washing your hands, and tell you that *your* personal lifestyle or religious beliefs are an offence against God? I would hope you would not. Remember the golden rule: “Do unto others.”

    • Dave. Dave, Dave, Dave… This piece and this site are fine examples of satire. Tearing apart satire because it goes over your head is like showing a five year old you can color inside the lines better than they can… We know you can color inside the lines Dave… Now I just hope you don’t get the bad AIDS.

  60. Thank you for showing me the way! Before I came to this site I had the bad AIDS… Doctors were very worried about my health. Once I learned to duct tape my hands at night (and during most of the day) I started to recover. I noticed that my eye sight became better, I lost weight and I even started to develop a twitch in my right hand from being so healthy. It was then that I realized my bad AIDS had become good AIDS.

    Just today when in the bathroom I practiced your advice, a man walked out of his stall and washed his hands. I confronted him and said damningly “I KNOW what you do, SHAME!”. I could tell by his confused and worried face that I was right. Just to think, that used to be me a few months ago…


  61. so you’re saying that if someone has had a dump and and has fecal mater all over their hands they cant wash it off as he was sinning? That means by your logic that people all have soiled hands and that’s why diseases are spread. Not washing your hands after a fat touch (turd) not touching your dong.

  62. Nigga if God hated homosexuals why would he even place them on Earth? You faggots are follow a fucking piece of trash with so many fucking loopholes. None of you fuckers know what the fuck you’re talking about when you defend your “God” you fucking niggers.

  63. This site is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen in my whole life! Masturbating is healthy for you! Physically and emotionally!! SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN!! it releases chemicals in your body that make you happy which is why after sex or masturbating you feel so good is releases dopamine (happy/feel good chemical) and its the same chemical wether you have sex with a person or yourself! I am a believer in god as well and i don’t think God thinks any less of me because I masturbate once in a while to make my mood better! ITS SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO IMPROVE MOOD, HEALTH, EMOTIONALLY HEALTH, AND EVEN IMPROVE YOUR CHANCES OF ATTRACTING A MATE!!

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