Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun!



This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle carbine is the most popular sporting firearm in America! It is guaranteed to provide you and your loved ones with hours of fun on the firing

Also included: the shoulder thing that goes up. Anti-gun LIEberals DON'T want you to have this!
Also included: the shoulder thing that goes up. Anti-gun LIEberals DON’T want you to have this!

range. Take it shopping… take to the town hall… walk down to the park with it slung over your shoulder! You’ll be the envy of the next open-carry rally when you show up toting an SMN-approved AR-47 attack rifle in your assault shoulder holster scabbard!

The light and popular AR-16 has plenty of firepower for all of your needs. Chambered in .223 millimeters, this weapon is capable of firing 30 calibers per second, complete with the following accessories: ten (10) 1000-shot disposable drum-fed clipazines, hip-mounted pistol grips, .50-caliber bayonet lub, muzzle duster, grenade tumbler, telescopic sniper binocular, folding corkscrew tripod, barrel shroud and yes, wait for it…. the shoulder thing that goes up! Piss off the anti-gun liberals who are confused and horrified by cosmetic gun attachments while defending you and your family’s freedom!

Designed by Eugene Stoner, this is the civilian/militia version of the same semi-assault shot M-1 pistol that was carried into action by our Navy Rangers in World War I, Pearl Harbor, the Korea, Viet Nam and against the Muslamic Taliwhackers in Afghanistan – and it is used to this day to proudly protect our campound — and our freedom. You can waste ammunition just like they did while protecting yourself and your Christian family against covert government drones, marauding hordes of illegal invaders and the Shariah laws. With the ARM-16 it’s spray and pray!

Waste ammo just like our boys in Pearl Harbor and the Viet Nam!
Waste ammo just like our boys in Pearl Harbor and the Viet Nam!

This rifle has been personally inspected and test-fired by B.L.U.F.F.’s number one straight shooter himself, Lonnie Childs as well as our experienced rangemaster, Rabbi Shlomo Higginbotham. Purchase your S.M.N. Rifle Raffle Ticket today!

B.L.U.F.F. Rangemaster Shlomo Higginbotham
B.L.U.F.F. Rangemaster Shlomo Higginbotham

Terms and Conditions:

By entering the SMN Rifle Ruffle, you acknowledge that you are not legally prohibited from owning or taking possession of firearms and do not masturbate. Entries must be received by September 31, 2014. All Federal, State and local laws apply. Contest open only to Christians and non-Obama voting Jewish persons (the good Jews) 18 years of age or older who are willing to sign a notarized certificate that they do not masturbate. Rifle must be delivered to a local FFL-licensed dealer who will perform a criminal and religious background check as well as a UV light and/or moisture check to ensure recipient does not masturbate. Ammunition clip bullets are not included. Odds of winning are 1/1.10E+10.

NOTE: Qualified winners in New York, New Jersey, Chicago, the UK, Australia or other jurisdictions with bullshit gun laws are eligible to receive a legally compliant straight-pull version of the AR-615A2 rifle which can only discharge one clipazine ammo bullet with each tug of the cocking handle.

“Remember, there can be no freedom from masturbation without the ability to defend it.”
-Pastor Lonnie Childs

SPONSOR: Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, Inc., Safford, Ariz.

11 Comments on Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

  1. I love it when Rangemaster Shlomo says at the firing line “Range is cold! You vant I should make it hot, 50 cents extra!” What a shmendrik!

  2. Way back in my time, in a galaxy far, far away, we had light sabres and pulse rifles instead of this kinetic weapon bullshit.

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