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Win a Stop Masturbation Now AR-15 Rifle!

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun!

SMNAR15SP1

This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle carbine is the most popular sporting firearm in America! It is guaranteed to provide you and your loved ones with hours of fun on the firing

Also included: the shoulder thing that goes up. Anti-gun LIEberals DON'T want you to have this!

Also included: the shoulder thing that goes up. Anti-gun LIEberals DON’T want you to have this!

range. Take it shopping… take to the town hall… walk down to the park with it slung over your shoulder! You’ll be the envy of the next open-carry rally when you show up toting an SMN-approved AR-47 attack rifle in your assault shoulder holster scabbard!

The light and popular AR-16 has plenty of firepower for all of your needs. Chambered in .223 millimeters, this weapon is capable of firing 30 calibers per second, complete with the following accessories: ten (10) 1000-shot disposable drum-fed clipazines, hip-mounted pistol grips, .50-caliber bayonet lub, muzzle duster, grenade tumbler, telescopic sniper binocular, folding corkscrew tripod, barrel shroud and yes, wait for it…. the shoulder thing that goes up! Piss off the anti-gun liberals who are confused and horrified by cosmetic gun attachments while defending you and your family’s freedom!

Designed by Eugene Stoner, this is the civilian/militia version of the same semi-assault shot M-1 pistol that was carried into action by our Navy Rangers in World War I, Pearl Harbor, Korea, Vietnam, and against the Muslamic Taliwhackers in Afghanistan – and it is used to this day to proudly protect our compound — and our freedom. You can waste ammunition just like they did while protecting yourself and your Christian family against covert government drones, marauding hordes of illegal invaders, and the Shariah laws. With the ARM-16 it’s spray and pray! If you’re also wanting to find extra firearms to increase your safety and self-defense abilities, perhaps take a look at The Truth about guns or other firearm analysis sites that can highlight suitable weapons for your needs and wants.

Waste ammo just like our boys in Pearl Harbor and the Viet Nam!

Waste ammo just like our boys in Pearl Harbor and the Viet Nam!

This rifle has been personally inspected and test-fired by B.L.U.F.F.’s number one straight shooter himself, Lonnie Childs as well as our experienced Rangemaster, Rabbi Shlomo Higginbotham. Purchase your S.M.N. Rifle Raffle Ticket today!

B.L.U.F.F. Rangemaster Shlomo Higginbotham

B.L.U.F.F. Rangemaster Shlomo Higginbotham

Terms and Conditions:

By entering the SMN Rifle Raffle, you acknowledge that you are not legally prohibited from owning or taking possession of firearms and do not masturbate. Entries must be received by September 31, 2014. All Federal, State and local laws apply. Contest open only to Christians and non-Obama voting Jewish persons (the good Jews) 18 years of age or older who are willing to sign a notarized certificate that they do not masturbate. The rifle must be delivered to a local FFL-licensed dealer who will perform a criminal and religious background check, a 10-panel drug test may be carried out if necessary to prove you do not take drugs or other masturbation enabling substances. A UV light and/or moisture check to ensure the recipient does not masturbate. Obviously, we do not want this rifle falling into criminal or immoral hands and we hope you, the potential winner, understand this.

Ammunition clip bullets are not included. The odds of winning are 1/1.10E+10.

NOTE: Qualified winners in New York, New Jersey, Chicago, the UK, Australia or other jurisdictions with bullshit gun laws are eligible to receive a legally compliant straight-pull version of the AR-615A2 rifle which can only discharge one clipazine ammo bullet with each tug of the cocking handle.

If you are the lucky winner then don’t stop your good work there. You’ll need ammunition for your rifle if you want to defend your rights as an American and uphold our beloved Christian values. There are ammunition sellers out there that donate a percentage of their sales back to the Christian community in what is called an ammo tithe. Be smart about where you purchase from, stop pouring money into the hands of masturbation enablers!

“Remember, there can be no freedom from masturbation without the ability to defend it.”
-Pastor Lonnie Childs

SPONSOR: Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, Inc., Safford, Ariz.

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Jay-Cock
Jay-Cock
7 years ago

put your dick in that AR-15, Lonnie.

Christina Mcierncock Rubright
Reply to  Jay-Cock

This person has disqualified himself. Please adjust the odds of winning accordingly.

Dark Mercenary
7 years ago

I will shoot a load of semen all over your Bosoms if you rub me right

Chronic Masturbator
Chronic Masturbator
7 years ago

U R hot.

Dr. Cornelius Felcher
7 years ago

Family values! Praise!

mrevilwrench
7 years ago

I’ll sign whatever I have to.

Dark Mercenary
7 years ago

The Loser will get to fire some semen shells from my love howitzer. .. I know Cathy Redmond wants too.

jacobfranklin
jacobfranklin
7 years ago

Sign me up we still have the one that my grandfather carried in WW1 in Japan.

Michael O'Neil
7 years ago

I hope to win one of these fine examples of God fearing Mom Masturbatuon Healthy Hobbies Firearms !!
Double Praise !!

Master Bator
Master Bator
7 years ago

Way back in my time, in a galaxy far, far away, we had light sabres and pulse rifles instead of this kinetic weapon bullshit.