Some say that the pre-teen game “spin the bottle” is harmless fun; a time where whimsical memories are created, a rite of passage for many a youth. The naïve people who believe this couldn’t be more wrong! **SPIN THE BOTTLE IS A GATEWAY DRUG TO A GROUP MASTURBATION GAME CALLED […]
<STOP MASTURBATION NOW!> Born December 18, 1886 in Rural Georgia only one generation after the war between the states, Tyrus Raymond “Ty” Cobb became one of baseball’s greatest players and a pioneer in the struggle against masturbation. Cobb is credited with setting over 90 baseball records with a hard nosed […]
Twenty-year old Kevin Ward, Jr. self-raped and hemp bonged shortly before throwing himself in front of noted anti-masturbation, white Christian warrior and NASCAR racing sensation Tony Stewart according to the recently released autopsy. Amateur footage suggests that the young driver was masturbating during the race when God fearing Christian white […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Did you know Stop Masturbation Now Ministries Inc. is GIVING AWAY a fully semi-automatic AR-15 assault rifle? Yes! For a limited time, you can enter the official SMN Rifle Raffle to win a brand new high-tech tactical Armalite AR assault gun! This Colt AK-15 assault submachine rifle […]
SAINT LOUIS, MO — (SMNNN) Saint Louis Cardinals baseball star, Yadier Molina, will miss 8 to 12 weeks of action due to a severe injury to his hand. It has been determined that Molina has torn ligaments in his thumb and will likely need to have reconstructive surgery on his […]
WEST SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) As the interest in professional sports continues to wane in the United States, ESPN has attempted to be proactive in their approach to avoid otherwise inevitable bankruptcy. Instead of trying to create interesting and provocative programming on their multiple television networks; ESPN has chosen […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Professional wrestling Hall of Famer, Pete Rose, is seeking a “second chance” 25 years after being the first man banned from professional baseball for excessive masturbation. Rose recently admitted to his wrong doings for the first time ever after a confirmed visit to the […]
