Celebrity

NFL Superstar, Adrian Peterson, Arrested for Spanking “The Gay” Out of His Son

 

Last week, Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Adrian Peterson, was arrested in his hometown for a mysterious domestic violence charge. This came on the heals of Jerry Rice’s suspension and dismissal from the Baltimore colts for disciplining his wife in an Atlantic City elevator.

Today, the Cobb County prosecutor announced that Adrian Peterson was in-fact, preventing his son from masturbating by “Spanking the Gay” out of him with a tree branch. Legal experts say that if Mr. Peterson did this in any other county in Texas, they would hold a parade for him, instead of arresting him.

The Mayor of Paris Texas, in neighboring Jefferson County, was quoted as saying, “For once in this state, we not only have a black man who is willing to discipline his child, but he’s keeping him from growing up like a pervert, and we are punishing him for it?” The Mayor’s sentiments seem to echo those of the entire state and Governor Rick Perry is expected to pardon Mr. Peterson if he is found guilty.

As expected, sales of Adrian Peterson jerseys have skyrocketed since the announcement of his anti masturbation treatment of his son.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
9 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Lonnie Childs
Admin
7 years ago

Question for you liberals: Is his son gay anymore? Obviously not. Case closed! Praise!

Carlos Danger
7 years ago

If I were gay I would want this strong brother in Christ to spank it out of me. Praying long and hard for a pardon. Then I will rest for fifteen to thirty minutes and pray long and hard some more! Praise!

Cassidy Pen
7 years ago

First, the man is chastised for being black. Now, he’s in trouble for diciplining his kid. Adrian Peterson just can’t win with the liberals.

Jillian
Jillian
7 years ago

Oh of course, it’s okay to make a kid cry and scream, just because their hormones (which I think everyone has unless they’re a robot), overwhelmed them. Tell me, Lonnie Childs and Liam McKey, did you have a whore to such your dick when you were a horny teenager? A pussy to fuck? Because if not, you must’ve been jacking off. God can’t make your bodily functions such as an erection go away — he gave them to you! And since when does that mean someone is gay if they touch themselves? What? Why…. this entire sight just hates people!… Read more »

Carlos Danger
7 years ago
Reply to  Jillian

We have plenty of ways for making inappropriate erections go away. Cold spoons work best but are not always available. If a cold spoon isn’t handy you can also think about Mexicans, Japanese trucks or the greatest president ever George W. Bush to make those erections go away. Praise!

Liam McKey
7 years ago
Reply to  Jillian

You asked why someone is gay when they touch themselves? Here is why: Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay.
It’s like Karate for perverts.

CumInYourH0le
CumInYourH0le
6 years ago

This website is such a joke lmfao are you fucking freaks for real?

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  CumInYourH0le

Unfortunately, no. The freak masturbators who troll us are, sadly, very real. Please join me in prayer.

Dark Mercenary
6 years ago

Lonnie is pregnant!